empath how to stop outside influence?

Postby mute » Tue Jun 04, 2019 12:58 am

the odd situation.im an empath and
im not easily hustled or gullible.
but im easily influenced by people especially when im in a group.

(I know some people question the existence of empath but that's not what im asking about)
I personally believe that empath is simply someone who didn't learn to control the emotional influence from outside.


example.
I wont get hustled when buying or selling things or dealing with slick people at work etc.
also wont get hustled by the street hustlers like the ones selling their cd albums...
etc


but if someone asks me, what you want from mcdonalds. I will ask him to get me some food even though I don't want to eat mcdonalds.
or if im fasting on my 3rd day and someone orders some good food and offers me I eat it without thinking then realize I shouldn't have done that
or if were out drinking I hit too many drinks when I know I shouldn't( I drink rarely) and not a very big fan of alcohol just to get drunk

but when im in a company, being a damn empath I easily connect with people and whatever they do I do.. not being forced or peer pressured into it I just naturally do things that everyone else is doing.
but I wont do anything stupid and usually separate from that company before they do something stupid.
which is odd...

so I don't know how can I be 2 opposites at the same time.


the only time I could actually get really focused on myself is when im either angry or really upset or I really feel like crap. that's when outside influence just doesn't exist for me. but that's like uncontrollable random state of mind and I cant seem to learn to do it when I need to.

I also feel like I have been failing so much that its becoming harder and harder to succeed for me
I have way more failures at almost everything I do than I have success and its always in the back of my mind.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:17 am

I categorize your post under the overarching concept of “social acceptance” or “peer pressure”.

Sales people are not your peers. Hustlers are not your peers. When you are hanging out with friends, family, or others, like pretty much everyone else you feel the natural urge to fit in and be social, hence the concept of the “social drinker”.

I would place myself in the category of being a “social drinker”. I have never been one to have alcohol at my place, but will drink when out with friends.

Empath...to me that is irrelevant as it relates to your question about stopping outside influence. I think you stop outside influence the exact same way anyone else would stop outside influence. Establish small goals, work on micro habits, develop “if/then” protocols that in scientific studies on goal achievement are termed “implementation intentions.”

An example of an implementation intention is to write down rules such as;

“If you go to a bar, only take $20.”
“If offered fast food, order a small French fry.”
“If asked out to dinner, fill up on cabbage before you attend.”

Your unique situation will call for unique “if/then” protocols. The power in the approach is that you are not being reactive, but proactive. You are developing plans prior to a temptation or social engagement arising.

Give it a try.

Edit: Since I mentioned my social drinking, a personal protocol I have is to have a drink, then a bottle of water, beverage, water. I know this rule before I attend a social gathering.
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#2

Postby mute » Wed Jun 05, 2019 11:26 pm

Richard have you ever heard of reimprinting? and if it ever got further than theory?

also interesting thing happened that same day I posted the question.

I was essentially burned out and exhausted from all kinds of crap happening. and completely shut myself off.
then started to realize what the problem was.

I visualized the inputs I get from outside and whether I need them or not.
essentially my firewall was down so everything came in unfiltered.
for whatever reason I was able to monitor what comes in and effectively shut cut it off if I didn't need it.
also later I went to bed and was able to identify more unwanted input coming from thinking about other people's problems and throw them into recycle bin.

but 2 problems became apparent right away

1 once I got rid of all that. the emptiness became very apparent and my mind started looking for things to fill it with..

2 next day I felt like the guy in limitless. I ping my brain and nothng came back.
I was back to my normal self and couldn't even remember the feeling...

my brain sabotages me and adjusts to whatever I try to do to improve myself and its like my worst fn enemy.
every time I try to get better it backfires and it somehow finds a way to sabotage the good thing Its like I have a split personality or something and I fn hate it.
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