cant move on until something is done

Postby mute » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:22 pm

is it some kind of disorder when I cant move on to do things until something else is done?

example.
im waiting for my van to be done at the shop. it was supposed to be done few weeks ago but now I cant seem to focus on other things until I have the van back.

even something unrelated completely like starting a diet.

or if I promised someone to install something on their car and its taking longer than I expected it literally stops me from moving on with other things I have planned until I finish that one thing.
most of the time they are not even related to eachother I just cant switch from one task to another like normal people do

I seem to only focus on one task and cant let it go until its done to be able to move on to another.
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#1

Postby jwc0846 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 5:36 pm

What you describe sounds a lot like the discomfort that occurs in most people when an expected series of events is not completed.

A simple example of the "expected-series-not-completed" scenario, would be sitting at an intersection and having the traffic light go from green to yellow and then back to green instead of on to red. To be jolted into wondering what the heck is going on and looking around would be a good thing.

For you though, it seems that this natural alerting mechanism that is triggered when an expected series of events doesn't complete is not re-setting when there is new information (such as parts not coming in.)

You might try some focused self-talk, such as saying "Yes, the job isn't done . . . Thanks for the heads up . . . We need to re-set the time line here because we aren't in control of when the parts arrive."

You do need to be respectful of this process, even though in the short term it may be giving you trouble. It is, after all, doing it's job. Hence, the "Thanks for the heads up".

People who have mastered this kind of thing often say that the alarm still goes off, but that it doesn't bother them now that they have a plausible explanation of what's going on.

(This kind of self-talk is a learnable skill and you need to give yourself reasonable time to practice it before drawing any conclusions about whether it is working for you or not.)

All the best in checking out this approach.
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#2

Postby mute » Tue Jun 18, 2019 7:08 pm

nice thank you I will try that.
where would thic come from though?
it shows up as my stress level goes up
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#3

Postby jwc0846 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 7:54 pm

Hmmm . . . here's my best guess of where it comes from and how it might fit into your strategy for dealing with it.

Your autonomic nervous system has the job of controlling how revved up your nervous system is in any given situation. To get a good night's sleep, things need to be running pretty slowly. To do something that requires attention and effort, you need to stay alert so it is more active. If you are running to get out of a burning building that is falling around you, it's likely running over the red line.

The better the state of your automatic nervous matches the demands of the given situation, the better you perform.

The problem is that in the modern world, the levels are rarely as simple as sleeping, focusing, or running. We perceive threats and requirements from all kinds of sources: deadlines, bills, news, relationship, illness.

Much of that wasn't allowed for in the original systems and as a result, over time our "idle" tends to creep up so to speak, but the danger zone above which we get less effective and finally burn out stays in the same place. This is what is referred to a chronic stress.

Untended chronic stress makes us more sensitive to new stressors that may come along. Most likely, the effect that I was describing earlier is getting amplified by your system already running fast to try to cope.

This is where relaxation or meditation or exercise can be very helpful to the degree that it can lower how revved up your systems are before a specific stressor it comes along . . . like an upset that you can't finish a job on time and you can't do anything about .

I guess it's like "the straw that broke the camel's back" story and the lesson is to keep the load as small as possible while you can, because stuff happens that you can't control, so have some leeway to work with.
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