Trying to help a friend...

Postby Penny123 » Sat Jun 22, 2019 1:32 pm

I am trying to help my friend see that her current boyfriend is trouble and that she is better of without him in her life it seems as though he is using her for money and takes advantage of her all the time...I recently pointed this out to her but she tells me that he is not and says that he pays his own way but it just doesn’t seem like that. She told him that I said that and when I saw him he started acting really rude to me and said that he had a job and he pays for his own way and everybody agreed that he does not use her for money it’s like nobody can see what he’s like. I just don’t trust him and my friend would be so much better with someone else but she is just so blinded by love. I always try and welcome him into the friendship group but he just acts so rude to me but he acts nice to my friend and pretends he loves her but I can tell it’s just an act and that he is just using her. How can I make her see that she is making the wrong choice and she deserves so much better than him? I previously lost another one of my friends before this by trying to warn them that their boyfriend was trouble so I really need to go about this without pushing my current friend away...any advice?
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#1

Postby quietvoice » Sat Jun 22, 2019 2:55 pm

Penny123 wrote:How can I make her see . . .

No one can make another person see something they are not ready to see.

Penny123 wrote:I previously lost another one of my friends before this by trying to warn them that their boyfriend was trouble so I really need to go about this without pushing my current friend away...any advice?

How can we make you see that one ought to let another live out their choices and experience the consequences thereof?
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#2

Postby Penny123 » Sat Jun 22, 2019 4:21 pm

But it’s obvious that he is trying to take my friend away from me and manipulate her into not liking me and I don’t want to lose her as a friend and I am worried about her getting hurt so how can I let it happen if it means I could lose my friend?
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#3

Postby quietvoice » Sat Jun 22, 2019 4:45 pm

Penny123 wrote:But it’s obvious that he is trying to take my friend away from me and manipulate her into not liking me and I don’t want to lose her as a friend and I am worried about her getting hurt so how can I let it happen if it means I could lose my friend?

You have no choice, my dear.

You can only control your own actions. If you don't like how this person (your friend) is running their life, then perhaps it's time to find another friend who is more to your liking.
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#4

Postby tokeless » Sat Jun 22, 2019 7:54 pm

Penny123 wrote:But it’s obvious that he is trying to take my friend away from me and manipulate her into not liking me and I don’t want to lose her as a friend and I am worried about her getting hurt so how can I let it happen if it means I could lose my friend?


So, this has become more about you than your friend and her choice of boyfriend? You need to address your own needs and let her make her choice. The way you are going about helping her see the obvious, as you put it is putting your relationship at risk.. Make more friends than just one and enjoy your own time rather than clinging to people because you fear losing them.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:33 pm

Penny123 wrote: I always try and welcome him into the friendship group...


Yes, your actions sound extremely welcoming [sarcasm]

If you were my “friend” the friendship would not last very long.

You are a hypocrite. You are being manipulative while accusing this boyfriend of being manipulative.

YOU are trying to manipulate the situation. Own that. Do not hide behind the bull#$&* noble cause of “watching out” for the best interests of your friend. Do not pretend that you are the good friend in this situation and this boyfriend is the manipulator.

Certainly the boyfriend might be manipulative, but do not pretend like you are not.

A real friend tells me what they think, but then they let me make my own decisions. A real friend doesn’t try to “make me see”.
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