Is there such thing as 'Daddy Issues?'

Postby OctoberRain » Mon Jun 24, 2019 3:48 pm

Hi everyone,
I'm new here - and looking for advice as I don't have a great deal of people around me that can openly talk to about this subject. Don't get me wrong, my friends are wonderful - but they all live in this little bubble of married bliss with their 'perfect' families and I don't think they'd be able to understand where I'm coming from.

I'm 28 and a single parent to a 3 year old. I work full-time, I'm self sufficient and I'm independent. I'm not super confident but I'm happy with my appearance in the sense that I know some men find me attractive etc. Weirdly, I have fewer body confidence issues since actually having a child. I'm bubbly enough to make conversation and I'm really laid back, easy going but like to have fun also. The dilemma is - I'm ridiculously unlucky when it comes to men/relationships and I need to figure out where I'm going wrong.

Years ago I kinda hopped from relationship to relationship with never much gap in between. I've learned some lessons since then but for some reason I can't get passed a 2/3 year relationship. Please don't judge me but I'll be honest; For some bizarre reason I always tend to be attracted to people who are quite a lot older than me, already in a relationship or emotionally unavailable or who need 'saving' in some way. I don't know why I do it. I just can't seem to help it!

It's only recently I've started to think about the root cause of these bad decisions and why I can't go for someone 'uncomplicated' - it's ironic because I'm very straight forward, uncomplicated and just want an easy life.
Because of my attraction to older men my friends have joked that I may have 'daddy issues'. What I'm curious to know is, Is this an actual thing?!

My dad has been in and out my life like a yoyo. Most of my life he's been abusive, a drunk etc, unreliable etc. it's only since having my daughter that he's truly 'been there' for me and is being consistent with his contact and putting effort in, which is great. My stepdad had an affair and left us. (They are back together now and this was years ago). However, I've never had a positive, stable male influence in my life. I'm a single child also. Every male that I've been involved with has either abused me/ abandoned me/ lied to me etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy being on my own but I really do miss certain areas of being in a relationship. I want to to work out if I do have underlying issues that may be affecting my judgement when it comes to love and relationships. So it got me thinking - is there really truth to this 'daddy issue' theory?

I'd be interested to know your opinion/criticism etc. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read! :)
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:19 pm

OctoberRain wrote:Because of my attraction to older men my friends have joked that I may have 'daddy issues'. What I'm curious to know is, Is this an actual thing?!

It’s similar to asking if it is an actual thing to be attracted to “fatties” or have “yellow fever” (attracted to Asians), or to have an attraction to “bad boys”. It is similar to asking if there is such a thing as a “gold digger”.

All of these are actual things, as in they are all actual preferences people have when looking for a relationship. Age, body shape, ethnicity, status, power, etc.

Attraction to older men is a normal preference found across many cultures. The term “daddy issues” is a way to translate this preference into common language.
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Postby tokeless » Mon Jun 24, 2019 10:01 pm

I wonder if older men represent security for you or nurturing because it was an inconsistent input when you were growing? I think when people keep being attracted to the types you state suggest a low self worth, almost that you don't deserve better because of some negative view of yourself. However, you sound quite happy being you so I'd suggest being a bit more picky when it comes to men you choose. Ask yourself do they fit with your life and goals, can you see yourself with them in 10 years time? Are they good for you?
Hope that helps.
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