It feels like Im In mourning

Postby ced316 » Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:15 am

I have been in school for two years for my masters degree.
my son was also finishing high school this year also.

All in the same time period, he graduated school, joined the army and flew away the night before my last night / hooding at my school.
It felt like majority of the relationships I had are all gone. I wont be seeing my cohorts anymore and my youngest son is gone so my whole identity as a father in that context is now changing; I feel like I dont have a purpose and all the memories of when the kids were little are hitting me like a truck.
I cried for like two days, off and on, feeling really down.

Lately, I just dont feel like doing anything, going anywhere or talking to anyone. I like being alone, staying up late watching tv just to sleep as long as possible.

Is any of this normal or should I see someone about it? my therapist even changed offices so I'm waiting on them to accept my health coverage as a provider or whatever that means
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jul 10, 2019 1:19 pm

Is any of this normal...


It is normal.

We all go through some lows and highs in life. We all experience varying degrees of emotional distress as relationships change.

ced316 wrote:I have been in school for two years for my masters degree...the night before my last night / hooding at my school.

I feel like I dont have a purpose...


What!?!? You don't have a purpose! WTH?

Look, I grant how you are feeling is normal. I also sometimes go through the emotional lows as things change. I get it. But let me ask you a question...why the $@&* did you go to school to get a masters degree? For the fun of it? To boost your ego? To show off how smart you are? To your ability to afford and have the opportunity to educate yourself that others will never have?

I sure as heck hope not.

I hope you studied a masters for a purpose. I hope you achieved a masters to help other people with your education.
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#2

Postby ced316 » Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:07 pm

Im a disabled vet
I used my gi bill to at least get an education.

I'm just looking at all the shifting dynamics of majority of the relationships I have which are nonexistent at this point.

like who am I now? when work picks up sure i'll be in a different phase, but for now, its like night and day from where I was months ago
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:40 am

ced316 wrote:Im a disabled vet
I used my gi bill to at least get an education.


Me too...I used the gi bill to help pay for my education.

But who are you trying to kid with the “at least get an education” line? A masters is not “at least get”. You already had an education. You didn’t need a masters. That was icing on the cake.

Now, what are you going to do with this masters to help others?

“Empty nest” syndrome or having a major shift in dynamics of a close relationship certainly can put you in an emotional low, a sort of depressive state. When people get divorced, retire, lose a loved one, etc., it can take an emotional toll.

I appreciate you are feeling down, but given your service I expect that you have the mental resilience to drive on, to move forward and find purpose.

In fact, you said your son joined the army. What advice would you give your son if he was in your emotional space? Would you not be a leader for your son, a role model that tells him...

Drive on!
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