I have no life

Postby gol.shan.1 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:20 pm

hello all
I am a 29-year-old girl currently living in Italy. I study master here and I am originally from Israel. I don't from where to start. I was in a very abusive relationship last year. I stayed in an abused women shelter in Milan because I was escaping his violence. I couldn't call my family because I didn't want to put them in a hard situation. Now I am fine. I live in another city. This issue and my background cause a lot of problems for me. I feel numb and empty inside not just because of my relationship with him. I trapped in a relationship like that because of my low self-esteem. in 2017 I got accepted in one the best university in west Europe so I moved there. But because of my self-esteem issue, I couldn't make any friend and I isolated myself. I wasn't brave enough to attend any event. other people students from my country didn't like me as well because I couldn't socialize with them. I always thought studying in another country can change my life but it didn't and instead, I live with trauma now. my ex found out about my insecurity issues and took advantage of it. Sometimes I felt that I deserve his behavior. I hate myself.
People call me attractive. there was always a lot of attention around me. However, it has never been enough for me. I don't care if men call me beautiful or sexy. I want something more in my life. I want happiness. I need friends. I need to talk to someone about my issues. I want to finish my course.
well, I constantly compare myself to every single around me. I see life as a battle and I feel like a loser so I never start anything because I don't want to screw my life even more. I should change it otherwise I will lose my entire life. I am on scholarship and if I can't finish this semester they gonna take an entire amount back and eventually my visa gonna expire and I can't stay here anymore. So this low self-esteem affects my entire life.
Do you think I can change myself?
Thanks for reading this post
gol.shan.1
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#1

Postby nbd » Thu Jul 25, 2019 5:21 am

u r not alone. u still hv self awareness.
i hv no gd advice for u as i encounter problems in daily life.
perhaps unrealistic expectations…
we hv to pragmatic and pragmatic for our feeling good.
focus ur study. that's really the top priority for u stay italy. i hope with that education qualification. u will getting better. take care
nbd
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#2

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sat Nov 09, 2019 12:09 pm

Hi I'm good looking too it's awful no one sees past my looks. You have so much pain I want to hug u and care for u. I have no advice sorry except a little support. A dying woman would give 100 billion dollars to be you. You are valuable
Icanbeatthis
 

#3

Postby varunkirti94 » Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:04 pm

gol.shan.1 wrote:People call me attractive. there was always a lot of attention around me. However, it has never been enough for me. I don't care if men call me beautiful or sexy. I want something more in my life. I want happiness. I need friends. I need to talk to someone about my issues. I want to finish my course.
well, I constantly compare myself to every single around me.


This is what halo effect does to peoples perception about you. They assume all perfect things with you because of your looks, and it can be an isolating experience. Realize your own value and bring you presence more to the moment. It may sound all woo-woo but with practice, it is profound. Sometimes we are so pushed back in our heads because of our limiting beliefs, that we are not taking the reality for what they are. Realize that you are not perfect, but neither is she, nor he. When you feel your moments of anxiety when reaching out to other people, bring your presence to your limiting thoughts and realize that you don't have to identify with those.

Be the gangsta that you are. Be your own hero!!
varunkirti94
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