I have no life

Postby gol.shan.1 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:20 pm

hello all
I am a 29-year-old girl currently living in Italy. I study master here and I am originally from Israel. I don't from where to start. I was in a very abusive relationship last year. I stayed in an abused women shelter in Milan because I was escaping his violence. I couldn't call my family because I didn't want to put them in a hard situation. Now I am fine. I live in another city. This issue and my background cause a lot of problems for me. I feel numb and empty inside not just because of my relationship with him. I trapped in a relationship like that because of my low self-esteem. in 2017 I got accepted in one the best university in west Europe so I moved there. But because of my self-esteem issue, I couldn't make any friend and I isolated myself. I wasn't brave enough to attend any event. other people students from my country didn't like me as well because I couldn't socialize with them. I always thought studying in another country can change my life but it didn't and instead, I live with trauma now. my ex found out about my insecurity issues and took advantage of it. Sometimes I felt that I deserve his behavior. I hate myself.
People call me attractive. there was always a lot of attention around me. However, it has never been enough for me. I don't care if men call me beautiful or sexy. I want something more in my life. I want happiness. I need friends. I need to talk to someone about my issues. I want to finish my course.
well, I constantly compare myself to every single around me. I see life as a battle and I feel like a loser so I never start anything because I don't want to screw my life even more. I should change it otherwise I will lose my entire life. I am on scholarship and if I can't finish this semester they gonna take an entire amount back and eventually my visa gonna expire and I can't stay here anymore. So this low self-esteem affects my entire life.
Do you think I can change myself?
Thanks for reading this post
gol.shan.1
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#1

Postby nbd » Thu Jul 25, 2019 5:21 am

u r not alone. u still hv self awareness.
i hv no gd advice for u as i encounter problems in daily life.
perhaps unrealistic expectations…
we hv to pragmatic and pragmatic for our feeling good.
focus ur study. that's really the top priority for u stay italy. i hope with that education qualification. u will getting better. take care
nbd
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