My 2.5 years

Postby nomorepot » Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:08 am

Hi guys. I don’t leave much comments here (I post only when I reach a new milestone) but I never stopped reading the forum. So now it‘s been 2,5 years since I stopped smoking pot. Actually it will be 2,5 years in a couple of weeks, but I have just read “2,5 years thread”, and lots of stuff resonated with what I experienced and still feel and I decided to write about it. I smoked pot for around 10 years and the last 5 years before I quit I smoked daily, only high grade weed which I grew on my own.
My last post was when I reached 2 years mark and honestly I don’t remember what I wrote there. Haha… I guess I was very positive as paws disappeared and I was just about to leave for another country to study again. OK the bottom line is: I still sometimes feel as if I don’t need anything so I don’t want to move forward.. to socialise etc.. hard to explain .. what is this? Depression? I have no idea…I sleep good in general, but sometimes I have very vivid dreams and I wake up all sweaty. But honestly, I am not sure this is connected with abusing of drugs which stopped a long time ago, I just refuse to accept that this is possible after 2.5 years! I know there are lots of reasons for night sweating… The only thing is I just never had this before I stopped smoking. Also, very rarely I got my ears clogged.. And I sometimes feel fatigue which comes from nowhere and all these things sometimes are a bit discouraging, to be honest.
As you might have noticed, English is not my native language and I’ve been studying it for a long time, I’ve been living in English-speaking country for 5 months now, actually not just living, I am studying here and I still struggle with it. I feel as if I am not progressing at all…I thought it would be way easier to reach fluency once I immerse myself into the English-speaking environment but I was wrong and this makes me feel as if I am completely incompetent. Please do not understand me wrong: I now there is some progress, but it is soooo slow and sometimes I still struggle with constructing simple sentences and applying very basic grammar rules. I believe it is because my brain is still healing and I am not fully recovered yet.
Also, I agree with guys who say that paws /anxiety /depression or whatever you want to call it, are easily triggered by things like caffeine or refined sugar. I don’t drink and smoke but I am sure these things are even worse than caffeine and sugar. Caffeine may cause anxiety and I noticed that sugar results in drowsiness / laziness and a kind of a state of depression, so to speak.
Ok guys, I wish you all the best! Eat healthy, think positively, stay strong, and be happy because you deserve it!!!
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Postby Brudenski » Fri Jul 12, 2019 12:48 pm

Man all i can say that you're living life normally. And I think your previous post was positive because you had a change coming and you were excited .
you answered yourself why sometimes you have some anxiety and depression symptoms, because your experience of traveling was not what you expected.
All i can remind you that recovery was a long process and you had to wait.
you only had 5 months in this new country, so you have 2 choices :
1- if you see it s a dead end just move on
2- stick with your dream and you will be happy. give it time to learn new language like you gave yourself time to recover.
And remember you're at better place now i think. And those symptoms you're feeling are normal so listen to your body and make a change.
Keep pushing bro i am far far behind you and i read your 1year post and 2 year post and the gave me Hope and were full of positivity not like this one. So i think it's time to forget weed damage (i think you are far away)
because if you were feeling like now 2 years ago your recovery was much easier.
Peace bro and i want you to know that your posts inspired me.
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Postby nomorepot » Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:18 am

Hey Brudenski! Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply I really appreciate it. You are absolutely right, I do live a normal life. Actually everything is amazing, and couldn’t be better, I am just acting like an ungrateful and impatient jerk.
I guess the part of a problem is that I want to socialize, but the reality is that it’s not easy to find good company, I mean I am in a new place, I am not confident with the language yet, I am 35 - my peers and even those who younger, are married, have children.. I just need to accept life as it is and decide what kind of future I want to have, because, honestly, I don’t know the answer..
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