In about a week I will be one year free of pot. I had PAWS from substance abuse for 2 and a half years almost, got somewhat better to the point where I was almost normal again, then tried smoking and my life has been a rollercoaster ever since...almost like a hit a PAWS reset button.
I am not the same person but I am doing somewhat better. I had periods where I thought I was recovered but got set back a couple times when I had to take antibiotics which messed with my gut flora and nervous system. Hopefully I wont have to take them again anytime soon.
When I smoked I had massive, I mean MASSIVE anxiety like never before, I just wanted to die and tried to kill myself. I was so upset. I had DR and DP which I have never experienced with my first round of PAWS and my vision is still a little funny sometimes but that has mostly gone away. My insomnia that was the hallmark of my first paws came back full force, that still hasn't gone away. I dont know if it will but I hope so.
So who am I today? A different me. A stronger me. A drug free me. I have become a totally different, tougher person because of all this. I feel like I have lost a lot and now have mental limitations but I have gained a lot also. The me before PAWS was a somewhat selfish, entitled young man that had some things going for him but he was too insecure to see it. I would give ANYTHING to be able to go back and say that drugs are not the answer but I cant. All I can do is keep moving forward! One day at a time. All the best to everyone struggling.