[Advice needed] Invasion of privacy

Postby retrograd » Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:29 pm

Hello everyone.

Lately I've been feeling quite depressed and unproductive, and I'm still trying to find out the causes. One plausible cause that crossed my mind recently was the fact that I have little to no privacy. Let me elaborate on that.

I live in an apartment with a friend. The apartment's layout is in such manner that for him to get to his room, he needs to pass through mine first (the term is "adjoining" rooms, but I think it is quite obscure), and therefore, leaving me with no privacy whatsoever. And his girlfriend kind of lives there as well (half of the time is there).
I need to mention that they are really great people, we are in really great relations, so the issue is not that.

It feels like I don't have my own "private" or "safe" space, which might be essential for me to be productive or to reach a flow state.

My question would be if that is one plausible factor for my lack of productivity and depression. Should I spend time looking for another place, more private place to live?

Any advice would be highly appreciated
Thanks
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#1

Postby quietvoice » Thu Jul 18, 2019 5:23 pm

retrograd wrote:My question would be if that is one plausible factor for my lack of productivity and depression.

Speaking from my own experience, my answer is a resounding "Yes!"

Some people more than others absolutely need to have their alone time to reflect, regroup, gather internal energies, and so on.

Do whatever you can to remedy the situation.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 19, 2019 1:21 am

retrograd wrote:It feels like I don't have my own "private" or "safe" space, which might be essential for me to be productive or to reach a flow state.

My question would be if that is one plausible factor for my lack of productivity and depression.


One factor? Sure, it can play a small role.

Thousands of college students live in dorm rooms together. I did. They do not have private spaces, yet they are productive.

People are productive in any number of environments without privacy. From the military to prisons, to typical life in large families since 5,000 BC, privacy was not the norm.

Only recently, the last 50 years have individuals become raised and accustomed to having their own room or space. It is a new phenomenon in a resource rich world.

It does or can play a role. We become habituated. Lacking being socialized, relative to peers, the impact on productivity and on mood can be a result.

Should I spend time looking for another place, more private place to live?


It depends on what you want in your future.

If you plan on being a hermit, not having family, or will pursue a profession where you can be isolated and will always have your own private room, then you should look for your own place.

The other path is to use this as an opportunity to work on your issue, to learn how to be productive in a social, familial environment.

Neither path is necessarily better.
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#3

Postby retrograd » Sat Jul 20, 2019 7:48 pm

@Richard@DecisionSkills & @quietvoice
Thank you both for your input!

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:The other path is to use this as an opportunity to work on your issue, to learn how to be productive in a social, familial environment.

Maybe I forgot to mention, but I am an introverted personality. Is this something intrinsic or can it be changed or trained?

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:If you plan on being a hermit, not having family, or will pursue a profession where you can be isolated and will always have your own private room, then you should look for your own place.

I don't think it is about solitude here. I never enjoyed being alone for an extended period of time. What I am sensing here is a lack of privacy and lack of a own safe space. It is more how @quitevoice pointed out:
quietvoice wrote:Some people more than others absolutely need to have their alone time to reflect, regroup, gather internal energies, and so on.


Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Thousands of college students live in dorm rooms together. I did. They do not have private spaces, yet they are productive.

I did live in a college dorm room as well, with other 2 friends in the same room, and that didn't seem to affect my productivity. So this leaves me a bit confused about the issue.

Thank you so much for letting me to brainstorm the ideas with you guys!
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