Bullying and stupid people

Postby Clawfordxi7 » Sun Jul 21, 2019 11:13 pm

I’ve been bullied for years and years, but I will never get used to it. Whoever makes fun of me makes me extremely upset and angry and I imagine me hurting them or killing them. I’m sixteen; I’m a female (if this matters).

There are these kids that I unfortunately live near and they are very irritating, fake and two faced, annoying, and extreme subhumans. They’re literally nothing to me at all.

My family is nice enough to them and my dad does things for them like fix their stupid bikes. They unfortunately know our names because my sister and parents babysat them. I don’t know how old they are (I really don’t care), but the youngest sister is three, and the older sister is probably 5, and the oldest, the brother, is probably 7 (as my sister said) or 9 (based on how he looks and acts).

They’re extremely ungrateful toward us. They laughed at me and made fun of me because I ignored the older sister saying hi to me (they keep REPEATING it too!!!). I ignored them because I can and I don’t have to talk to anyone that I don’t want to talk to. Their friends called me slow and said that I look like stupid (or a harsher word: “retarded”) and the boy laughed as if he wanted me to kill him then and there on the spot. They even called one of my sisters ugly some time ago.

I heard about their mom because I asked my sister and she walked out years ago. So they grow up without a mom and their dad doesn’t really tell them about hygiene, so they smell terrible. They have no one to run to for comfort when getting hurt. Their dad is mean to them and really obviously doesn’t like them either. Because I actually felt a little bit bad for them, I decided to say hi to them again and give them another chance, but they ruined it for themselves. They’re going to be yelled at and I’m going to be mean to them for this.

(This is actually why I don’t let my guard down and why I don’t like being nice. This is what happened in elementary school and middle school and I have to be very cautious of users and manipulators, no matter what.)

Yesterday, and it’s safe to assume any time before that, he called me a name because I ignored him coming near my porch and saying hi. He got mad and went to his porch and began going inside his apartment but he said loud enough for me to hear, “that’s why you’re slow” then went in. It was like he wanted me to hear him but at the same time, didn’t. I know he can’t say it to my face because he’s a sissy. I’m going to tell him that today, too, if he says hi to me.

I have no tolerance for people. It doesn’t matter what age they are AT ALL. That’s kids’ problem now: people are always dismissing bad behavior because “they are kids; they don’t know what they are doing”. No exception at all. They get what they f***ing deserve no matter what. That’s why people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt: they’ll keep doing stupid sh** and if you let your guard down, they’ll take advantage of you and do sh** again, which is why I cut people out of life.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:20 am

So you are a 16 year old female. The bullies are, 5, 7, and 9. Correct?

And you have a diagnosed mental disability of some sort?
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#2

Postby Clawfordxi7 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:13 am

I said that I don’t have a mental disability. And yes, the idiotic kids are the ones that are making fun of me. Even if I am mean to them.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:54 am

Clawfordxi7 wrote:I have no tolerance for people.... which is why I cut people out of life...even if I am mean to them.


Well, do not worry. People will treat you the same. They will not tolerate you, they will be mean to you, and they will cut you out of their life.

It will make for a rough life for you...not for them.
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#4

Postby Clawfordxi7 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:58 pm

You're not making anything better, so why even talk to me at all?
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:45 pm

Clawfordxi7 wrote:You're not making anything better, so why even talk to me at all?


There is a difference between, "You're not making me feel good," and "You're not making it better."

A logical question to reflect upon, is where did you learn that you are to be accommodated or be made to feel good by others? Where did you learn that the universe is suppose to make things better for you?

At 16 your parents are obviously partly responsible. But, then there is a school system, full of teachers that have told you again and again, reinforcing to you how you are suppose to be treated. And last there is your peer group, whatever might be left of them, all repeating this same message.

It is tough. I feel for you, because in my opinion the community has failed you in one way or another. The community has not prepared you for how the universe actually exists, but instead for a universe that they want you to believe can or should exist.

If you want to be mad...don't be mad at those three kids. Be mad at your parents and teachers for raising you up in a make believe world.

You are 16. Over the next few years you are going to encounter people way, way, way "worse" than those three kids. Eventually you will encounter coworkers, bosses, strangers, and any number of other people that do not care if they are not making you feel good. How do you plan to react? Do you plan to cut them all off, get mad, throw a tantrum and curse the universe for not being what your parents and teachers promised you?

I will let you in on my secret. Do things for others without any expectation of anything in return. Do not expect the universe to be nice to you and you won't be disappointed.

Why talk to you?...why not? What is the absolute worst that can happen? You throw a few insults my way because you don't like what I have written? Yawn. Maybe my advice helps you a small bit, maybe not.

And this is a public forum, so it isn't just talking to you. Maybe another young person comes along and reads what I have written and it helps them...maybe not. No big deal either way.
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#6

Postby quietvoice » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:53 pm

Clawfordxi7 wrote:You're not making anything better, so why even talk to me at all?

Give no attention to behaviors that are unbecoming. Be the one who knows how to be nice and play nice. Perhaps these people around you don't know any better. You can be the role model in their lives by being there to show them how life can be more pleasant by feeling and acting from a higher perspective.

If they won't or can't see what you see as the ideal way of life, that's okay. Still be and act from your higher self. Know that whatever they throw at you in words and attitude is about them, not about you, and you can learn to not react. Walk around with a big smile on your face!

Don't worry. Be happy.
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#7

Postby desperate788 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:06 pm

When I listened that song for the first time I was at 7th grade.. Such good days. I didn't have any clur about these dark days in horizon
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#8

Postby GalmOne » Sat Nov 30, 2019 8:26 am

It's true that younger kids can be quite heinous in their bullying, ESPECIALLY if they see it angers the target; their point is to trigger someone's rage as to test the limits of what they can get away with, and to break the social barriers they have at home (because if they were to annoy their father like that, the result would be unpleasant).
The ideal way would be to stop reacting to their bullying, to show complete disinterest; it'll become boring for them, and they'll stop. After trying to push your limits to the max though, so that will need some nerves of steel.
But this isn't easy, at all, I know, especially since kids are imaginative when it comes to being annoying.

As a plan B, do you think you could avoid them? Going to a boarding school, going on holidays to your grandparents' place if possible, or simply observing their habits in order to go around them... It would be helpful and would allow you to rest a little.
Plus, the boarding school is something that will help you socialise and stop caring about annoying behaviors, and I'm saying this as someone who was extremely sensible to that sort of crap and then went to a boarding school.
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#9

Postby KenEmpowered » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:06 am

Hey-

Sorry, late to this thread. I've coached people in various situations and of a wide range of ages, but dealing with rude kids (sometimes at the enabling and reflection of their parenting) can be extremely tough. I'd offer just the following points:

* Request counseling or therapy from a professional if you can
* As hard as it is, try your best not to take the insults personally. Instead, imagine how tough it will be for these kids if their rude and antisocial behavior does not change in the future. Perhaps look at them with a different lens - pity. Pity that their parents don't raise them better, pity that they are not the bright loving kids they could be. And then just hold your head high and focus on your goals
* Define what it is you want in life. What goals do you have? What insecurities do you want to address? What do you want to accomplish? Start small. Develop your identity and confidence based on your own commitments and goals, something that no stupid kids' opinions can take away. Focus on it and be proud of who you are; eventually, people's rude comments to you will begin to bother you less and less.

Let me know if anything has changed since July!

Ken, Mindset and Development Coach
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