Can't put myself out there

Postby Roadie » Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:40 am

I just get too stressed when I put myself out there. even tried online dating and each time after a few days I have to delete my account.

In real life I try sometimes but I know I keep giving up too early, someone did something "wrong" or isn't completely into me and brimming with joy by being around me and I run back to my shell.

I honestly can't help it, can you?
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#1

Postby tokeless » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:55 am

Sounds like a rejection issue to me. You feel negative about trying if your attempts don't reap the rewards you hope for. I guess you just keep putting yourself in the game but vary your approach. Don't just try on line, join in with actual people and they will get to know you much better than a profile. Online seems like ordering pizza and is more impersonal. Also, if people get to know you, even if they don't want to date, they may have friends who do and are in the situation you are.
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#2

Postby Roadie » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:26 pm

It's not that most people dislike me or that I'm anti social but I'm having so a hard time connecting to people and I don't know how to fix it
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#3

Postby tokeless » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:17 pm

Roadie wrote:It's not that most people dislike me or that I'm anti social but I'm having so a hard time connecting to people and I don't know how to fix it


I haven't mentioned most people not liking you, but you say when you don't get a positive reaction you retreat or delete your account. That suggests to me you feel rejected. You may lack confidence to just engage with no expectations?
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#4

Postby Roadie » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:02 pm

I meant that despite me knowing that people don't dislike me when I interact with them IRL and that I am lonely and want to be with someone I find it so difficult to connect and form connections with people, which is part of the problem for putting myself out there.

the online profile deleting axienty is an example, it wasn't meant to illustrate that I don't go out and interact with people...

I am going out and talking to people, I know I should enter an interaction/relationship without expectations, I try to have a fun conversation with people. but I just can't no matter what I do form a real connection with anyone

it's probably fear of being rejected, it's probably lack of self-esteem but none of this understanding help me in any way.

I've been "interacting" with people for years again and again people come and go in my life but I can't find a real connection, some do enjoy my company, some trust any rely on me, other's fear/dislike me, and many others indifferent, but they all share this one thing, I can not bring any of them close they all just passing by
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:19 pm

You are capable of interacting to the point where the next step is to ask for a date and this is where you repetitively fail.

The deleting accounts is the same issue. You create the account, you shop, but when it comes to asking them out, you get anxious and delete.

It's clear that it is fear of rejection.

Your solution is to confront that fear. Deliberately focus on fear of rejection. Practice asking people out and dealing with rejection. The more you practice, the sooner you will overcome that fear.
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#6

Postby Livetowin » Fri Jul 26, 2019 3:03 pm

Just remember rejection is the ladder you climb to find the ultimate reward in your life - self acceptance.
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#7

Postby laureat » Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:34 am

1. you need to think about expectations you have from yourself : do not put oneself on pressure, do not make easy things hard just because you expect to do more, give oneself freedom you deserve, take your time do things on a peaceful pace

2. you may not want to go back somewhere you had bad experience before, its very natural choice, but think about it intellectually not emotionally, go back there and create positive experience, create positive emotions
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