PAWS from weed (2nd Time) My Story

[lovelife2019]

Hi Everyone,

I would like to thank everyone here for sharing his or her input here. This forum has helped me tremendously with my addiction of weed. It is one of the only places were the true symptoms of weed withdrawal is noted.

First I have come to the conclusion that the notion that weed is not physically addictive is complete BS. It is very physically addictive and it really does damage the brain.

I’m 37 and I started smoking when I was 18. Loved the way weed made me feel and how it heightened my senses. I was a rather healthy and smart when I was young, and weed never slowed me down. I had a few wakes up calls in my 20s and I quit for a while but I was never able to kick the habit. I was a functioning addict and I did barely finish College (Although I know I would have achieved so much more if I wasn’t high all the time).

Weed had turned into a life style for me, and it had been I while where it wasn’t “fun” anymore. I had turned into an antisocial weirdo with crazy thoughts and actions. I was always broke because weed had given me different perspective and it made me lazy. It had made me think I’m some sort of an artist and the world owes me. I was always paranoid of running out of weed and made it my priority to get some. When I turned 29 I hit real rock bottom. I had only $10 in my account and I remember my father telling me that I’m loser. I decided to quit for good. This was the most difficult period of my life. I didn’t have any work and all my friends left me because I wasn’t fun anymore. So I was lonely broke and going through PAWS.

For the first 6 months it was HELL. I felt like I’m in a solitary confinement. I lost interest in everything I had suicidal thoughts that would pop in mind out of nowhere. I couldn’t sleep the whole night and would pass out during the day. I could not go out because I was broke and I couldn’t eat well. I had days where I really questioned life, but I prayed to the creator to help me. Around 7 months, I met a girl and things started to change. It’s amazing how things can change so dramatic after some intense pain. Around 9 month I landed a Job with a really good pay and got very busy. After one year, I forgot what PAWS was and I was a different person. People at worked called me the most calm and emotional stable person they have ever met. Not knowing that I was mess a year prior.

Around 14 months of being sober, I had a health problem and was lured into getting a surgery that was not necessary. This surgery caused a lot of nasty side effects and a great deal of anxiety. I became really depressed. I remember going to beach and buying joint from someone and smoking it with my girlfriend. It made me feel good again and next thing you know. I am back to smoking weed again because it took away the depression I had from my health problem, and boy do I regret relapsing.

Fast forward to 3 years, I became emotionally unstable and lazy again. I was getting in fights at work and ticked off by my bosses.

I started growing cannabis on my own and this is when I realized that is plant is a lot more harmful than one thinks. Growing cannabis gave me different perspective one the plant. Invested about 4k and grew some of the bomb skunk that I have never seen. I understood how difficult it is to grow cannabis. Also, figured out how toxic the weed was that I have been smoking. A lot of weed is sprayed with chemicals and grown with nasty chemicals. They spray to keep the spider mites out, and used chemical fertilizer to make the weed potent. Growing cannabis organically with only soil is very difficult and impossible in mass production.
After many trial and errors I was able to grow some weed organically without any pesticides or chemical fertilizers and it looked nothing like the weed I had been smoking for the last 20 years. The highs were not very intense but mellow. I also realized how harsh the live cannabis plant could be. I would get stringed by the plant every time I touched it, and the plant looked so strong before drying.
This is when I knew that this is has to be bad inhaling it in my lungs everyday.

I decided to throw away everything I had grown and for the last time make peace with the plant and quit for good. This time I made the decision to quit for the rest of my life regardless of what life throws at me.

I learned that weed has taken a toll on my immune system over the years and I have done some damage without giving the proper time to recover.

I quit about three months ago and PAWS hit me even harder the second time around. So bad that I quit my Job and take a break. First week was weird like I was high on something else. Second week I became so emotional that I snapped at everyone at work and I cried. I quit before I got fired. This time around I am having bad physical symptoms. I had warts going on my knees the first months. My legs were numb during the night. My dreams were so intense that I would not want to go to sleep. I’ve been having nightmare in the past 3 months. I cant even put a sentence together and have ZERO motivation for anything. I had a Job interview yesterday and it did not go well at all. I’m stuttering all the time. Again I am back at ground zero. I know that I will eventually get back on my feet, but this time its even harder and I blame my self for smoking again.

I wanted to share my experience to help other struggling like me. For us weed addicts, smoking even a little after quitting can be devastating. The only solution is to kick the habit for good. Life is full of health, financial, and personal problems. We need to have the emotion stability to deal with them. Weed takes that away from you. Personally I feel like it is one of the worst drugs out there. It slowly creeps in giving you a temporary joy, but then it takes over and morphs you into a person that isn’t the true you.

[kingyellow242]

Dear Lovelife2019,

Thank you very much for your insight into your life and PAWS experience im actually at month 4 i quit back in April of this year and man dont believe the lie that weed is not addictive and harmless. The first 2 months were the worst, anxiety, insomnia, depression, feeling disconnected from the world, I was feeling so bad i took almost a month off from work. Ive been praying to God and i thank God i found this website because this is the only place on the internet where you can find real people talking about the true effects of marijuana paws.

What really touched me about your story was the way you said you started smoking again, honestly the thought had crossed my mind but after listening to your story Im not going back to weed.

I recommend you take magnesium glycinate or citrate for the anxitey cbd oil and cbd tea helps too, also get a good Multivitamin, and fish oil with alot of omega 3 in it. It will take time to heal but you will get better, slowly the joy will come back, get outside go for a brisk walk or jog, eat good food and fruits. Weed makes life fun but it's not a true fun it's an illusion, i can agree with 100% when i stopped smoking i lost alot of friends who weren't really my friends at all we just smoked together, i was sad at first but then i realized I don't need those kind of fake friends in my life so you don't either.

Also when I smoked i used Tabacco blunts so i developed a nicotine addiction with the weed addiction so ive been dealing with paws from both substances not cool!!! Lol

Stay encouraged don't give up take care of yourself and keep us updated we are here to support each other!!!

God bless you bro!!

[lovelife2019]

Thank man.
Im trying to stay away from the CBD as I know there is not enough research on it and its related to weed.
I am eating very healthy and taking supplements to help.
I went to the doctor and he told me I have the symptoms of Narcolepsy and Sjögren's syndrome. I have dry eye and mouth in the mornings. Major depression somedays.
I feel like my brain is trying to rewire and recover and in the process I am having to to deal with all these side effects.

I always remind myself that how weed made feel bad and useless, and the cravings go away.
Im sure all the people that quit weed had were tired of feeling like sh** all the time and thats what it does to you when you smoke daily.

We smoked for years so recovery will be a slow process. I am not going through PAWS again and I am done with weed. this is hell and no one should go through it. Im sure God will rewards those who stay strong. My life changed before after I stopped smoking and I went back to the same hell when I started smoking again.

Stay strong everyone. Great thing will come after recovery. Always remind your self what made you quit weed when you crave it and try not to ever smoke since you had a problem with weed to begin with, and remember weed changes you as a person.

God Bless!

.

[Cthompson21]

Thanks for sharing, stay strong.

[antz1111]

Hi lovelife2019,

Thank you for your post. It's been really helpful to read this afternoon. I'm going through a horrid day! 4 weeks, 2 days after quitting. How are you getting along? It would be great to hear more of your progress as you are a wee bit ahead of me, counting by the dates of your post/s.

I never thought I'd be one to share on a forum like this but I think i'll snap up this opportunity to lay my cards down in hope that someone else benefits from my story. Also, it may help take my mind of the excessive sweats, depression, anxiety, tiredness..

I was once a strong advocate for cannabis use and I still am in a way. I believe if has many useful medicinal uses and I know that smoking helped open my mind to the world. For the most part, it has has changed me for the better. In saying that, I have been extremely guilty of abusing cannabis for a lonnnng time. I'm 32 now and I have been smoking dusk til dawn since I was about 16. I stopped for a few weeks here and there, usually because I would start dating a new girl and didn't want to seem like a stoner. Within a couple of weeks, I would usually be sitting next to her on a date, smoking a joint with her and off I would go again..for years. Once a girl talked calmly to me about my constant need to smoke weed all the time..I flipped out and stormed out of the car yelling that I would never quit. Haha! oh it's really not who I am but that happened. lol it does make me laugh.

My first night trying weed, I was only 13, sitting around with my friends who had all been high before. We smoked endlessly all night and I didn't even get high!! I was like "huh?"..."this is crap"..however, being a man that never gives up! I took 1x puff on a different occasion and a I fell in love. Holy, I was higher than the international space station. From there, the love affair started..I was getting high at school, at work, during the night..I watched stoner movies. I thought there was nothing better. Fast forward (in a very haze-like bubble) and I was in to my early 20's. I was in Sales and weed was like my sales steroids. What Cocaine did for Jordan Belfort in the Wolf on Wall Street, Weed did for me. I could tune into peoples emotions immediately. I could control the tone and pace of my voice. I was making loads of cash..high. Life slowed down and I felt like I was invincible. Morning bong before work, followed by a quick run out to the car at 11.15am for a cone, at 1pm was lunch and I could usually squeeze in 2 spliffs mixed with tobacco, 3.45pm a quick top up cone to remedy the afternoon crash. Anddd then into the drive home at 5.30 pm with a big joint, followed by bong after bong after bong until bed time. sh** I smoked alot..so did my friends so it was all good. hmmmm

To be quite frank, life pretty much continued this way right through my 20's. I experimented with other drugs. I considered myself enlightened. A gift to the world. What I didn't realize, is that I was starting to develop a short fuse. I was irritable and couldn't take criticism easily. I lost my job at the peak of my career as a national sales trainer. All because I was coming down off a big weekend of partiying and had to travel out've town without any smoke. I lost my sh** at the Hotel owner where I was staying over a minor thing and they reported it back to work...what a dick I was growing to be! The funny thing is that deep down I have so much love for everyone and generally am the first to help a person in need.

Around this time, i met my now Fiance. I pulled the whole routine of not smoking for a few weeks before quickly jumping back on the train. She is beautiful, caring and has never given me any sh** for my habit. For a long time, she joined the crazy train and was heavily addicted too. I saw first hand what it was doing to her so I quit..well..only long enough for her to quit and then I got back on it.

Fast forward and I was earning $175,000 per year and smoking as usual. On top of that, I now had a group of friends at work who I was sniffing lines of Coke with off the Boss's desk while he was walking up the stairs, a few feet away. sh** had got out've hand! I thought I could read peoples minds and was starting to think entities were trying to attack me through my work colleagues..jeepers. It was a dark time.

So I left. I left everything behind me and moved away with my girl. I kept smoking but stopped everything else. I started growing at home and started my own business.I had a mate who sold down in the city so I would drop off loads to him every couple of months. Now that I was growing, and was swimming in a sea of green, my smoking went up a level. I bought a herb vaporizer and was huffing on that every 30-45 mins. I remember sitting at my desk staring at the ceiling, almost dribbling, thinking if this was heroin, I would be dead. I needed to change. It was bad...

So 4 weeks, 2 days and 2 hours ago, I stopped. I threw away 6k + worth of plants, packed up the tents, threw away all bongs, pipes, hidden baggies (which were for emergency backup of course ) and said goodbye for good.

Man oh man it has been a ride. I never knew I would have to go through the withdrawls that I have had. The nightmares, depression..feeling like I can't be bothered continuing.. at the worlds end. can't be bothered with life. The odd day, I will spring out of bed and feel euphoric all day..on a high. Probably the sh** load of THC moving out of my system. So anyway, that is my tale. That is only a fraction of what went down but for whoever reads this, I think you get the point. Weed addiction is a real thing. Withdrawls are even more real.

lovelife2019, I want to thank you again for your story. It was the trigger that got my fingers typing and I think I already feel a lot better because of it. I hope your recovery is going well! much love

Peacee

[lovelife2019]

Hi Anzt1111

Thank you for your story.
So around 5 months mark, I had a relapse. I took hit of my first bowl and boy did it feel GOOOOOOOOD!
After 5 months of utter HELL i felt normal and happy again. So I thought to my self. "**** it" i'll smoke a little here and there.
So at first it was the notion to only smoke on the weekends. then just a small bowl every-night. Soon i found that depression that you get from smoking weed creeping back up. So i stopped again.
You see if you look at my post at the top, I had mentioned that I'll never go back to weed, but this is our drug of choice my friend. So there is no moderation for us. Once we smoke, We want to smoke.
Now I'm a month sober again and miserable again. but I'm fighting and trying to remain strong.
Im also going to through a very bad breakup with my girlfriend of 5 years and i haven't made that a reason to smoke.
I feel like it'll take at-least a year or two for people like to feel normal. It is going to be hard to resist the temptation.
You have to convince your self that you have a disease. It's a lifelong disease that does not have a cure and can surface at anytime.
I wish you luck on your journey of sobriety. Thank you for sharing, and remember if you ever go back to using, remember the reason what made you quit in the first place try to go back in time where you felt hopeless and miserable.
Good luck on your journey brother!

[antz1111]

Hey lovelife2019,

Thanks for the reply. Sorry to hear about you and your Mrs breaking up. That must be a sh** time while quitting!

Completely agree with everything you say. I had a vision that 3-4 weeks would go by and there I would be, strapping my boots up and heading back out into the world with a new lease on life! I think you're right that 1-2 years is far more realistic. I spoke to my mates girl when i was contemplating qutting. She is a Psychologist and use to smoke weed heavily. I remember asking her how long it took her to fully get over quitting. She came back with a sharp and concise "2 years!". I remember thinking at the time that she must be exaggerating. I remember when I left, she ran out after me when I was getting in my car and shouted "reach out and hit me up if you want to talk when you quit!" I thought..hmm i'm not a drama queen, i'll be fine ..I now understand what she was thinking..That guy has no ideaaa.

Let's keep in touch, I'm keen to hear more about your journey and if you need to vent, get on here and flick me a message.
Have a good day mate

[antz1111]

Hey lovelife2019,

How you getting along? hanging in there?

Ant

[lovelife2019]

Hi Ant,

Honestly, I've been feeling like crap. Im in month two of being sober again. I have horrible nightmares, sweats.
Major anxiety. Im also going through a breakup which sucks, but in way its good because for what ever reason I am not craving weed at all which is amazing. I think the reason for that is because I am not in my comfort zone. I feel like the comfort zone with bring strong weed cravings.
Im performing very poorly at my work and honestly I hate my job and I feel like slave. Overall life sucks currently.
I live in Cali where everyone smokes weed and I cant even hang out with people.
So pure isolation and self hate. Im not religious, but I do talk to God every night. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel so I'm staying positive. Time is my only healer.
How are you?
Hope you are hanging in there on the road to recovery.
Thanks for checking in!

[antz1111]

Hey lovelife2019,

Ouch! sounds like a crappy time! You have described your situation really well and I completely understand what you mean. Apart from the break-up..that would be a challenge on top of everything else. The isolation, no friends..it's funny how quitting weed can just throw you into a transition of life.

I'm not religious either, I think religion is a very limited view. However, I do believe in creation and a divine intelligence beyond our 5 senses. I too reached a point where I fell to my knees and started praying for change. I prayed to the energy of my deceased Grandmother and Mother to help me and guide me through this time. I needed to feel like I had help and I think i received it. I woke up the next day with an attitude of 'what will be will be' and 'control is an illusion' so I let go of control and just decided to work with what appeared in my now moment. If i needed to deal with it, I would do my best to deal with it. If i didn't like what cam into my reality, i looked around for what I could choose as a different option. I.e i didnt like my job working from home. I stopped working and started applying for jobs that I actually wanted. The crazy thing is that for the last 5 weeks, i've been going through interviews and psychometric testing while feeling like death. I'm happy to report that after 1 last interview yesterday, I got offered the job i've always wanted, but been to high to head towards it...Soo **** yyea, I had a win. It's 8 weeks ober tomorrow and I'm feeling f***ing great. Physical symptoms here and there but I have a new lease on life. The light at the end of the tunnel came! and I'm so grateful

So..3 days ago, I was at the end. With one change in circumstance life is shifting. So my brother, I'm going to now pray for your shift and your healing. It WILL happen. You will look back and see that there was a point to all of it and you will be happy beyond what you thought was possible. I believe for you.

Much love brother, good luck for the next wee while

Thanks for messaging me!