A quick update 20 months

Postby thegreatdane » Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:41 pm

Having maybe one or two "good" days every 2-3 months or so. Other than that constant depression, some days worse than others. Constant low self esteem and the feeling of having no energy and no belonging. Physical symptoms such as irritable bowel syndrome, stomach problems, dead eyes, and looking so tired. It very well could be underlying depression that im just destined to have, but that still wouldnt make sense as to why i would feel so amazing everytime i quit weed before paws hit. And why i have gotten these "good" days once in a very rare while. Anyways, i guess i owe to update you guys on how i feel. Im aware that there probably isnt any of you going through this at 20 months, but if there is please reach out, because my hope is lost completely. This was what i feared would happen when paws first hit, that i wouldnt really get any better. Im also clean for a heavy porn addiction so that probably also should be mentioned as to why maybe my recovery has taken longer. I have booked a solo trip to Thailand and south east asia for 3 months. Im gonna fly down there when i hit 23 months. I pray to god i feel better by then. Take care everyone!
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#1

Postby BullFrog » Mon Aug 26, 2019 2:36 pm

Hey Great Dane,

I also just got your personal message reply. I am very sorry you are feeling so horrible after 20 months. I honestly cannot imagine feeling like day 1 at month 20.

But you are right that sobriety from heavy porn addiction would almost certainly be ADDING to your PAWS. Brain scans of people who were HEAVY porn users had similar looking brains as a heroine addict. I remember seeing the scans during a program I took to help me get over my porn/masturbation addiction.

As for you feeling this at 20 months, I am sure you must remember 2yearquit? He was at 27 months and said he just wanted to "quit" because he was depressed ALL the time and felt so darn horrible. He started feeling relief after 30 months and posted his recovery. I encourage you to read his story again. That man went through hell for so long.

You are a strong man, greatdane. I'm glad you have faith that can also give you strength (my faith has also helped me through this whole ordeal). I will specifically pray for you everyday my friend.

Fight on!

(and please PM me if you ever want to chat more - I can even pass along my private e-mail if you would like)
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#2

Postby thegreatdane » Mon Aug 26, 2019 3:52 pm

I really appriciate it BullFrog, thank you man.
I have just read 2yearsquit story again and it certainly gives me hope that i can recover. This is a day where PAWS has hit me really really hard so thats basically why i decided to give an update. Not all days are bad, but i havent had a day where i felt like my old self yet. Im probably looking at a 3 year recovery.
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#3

Postby leavepawsbehind » Mon Aug 26, 2019 11:10 pm

I'm at 19 months and feel unchanged over the past 6 months or so. Am definitely not normal yet. Still can't go to crowded places without panic attacks, sleep is irregular and my vision is still clouded with noise.
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#4

Postby Lightweight » Tue Aug 27, 2019 12:29 am

I’m going to post my story on my 3 year quit in a months time. As I owe so much to this forum. But for now all I can say is regarding paws 2yearquit was bang on I started to feel better on 30 months. I thought paws was never going to leave me. Nearly 3 years and it’s almost gone. Hang in there ur nearly there.
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#5

Postby leavepawsbehind » Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:25 am

Lightweight wrote:I’m going to post my story on my 3 year quit in a months time. As I owe so much to this forum. But for now all I can say is regarding paws 2yearquit was bang on I started to feel better on 30 months. I thought paws was never going to leave me. Nearly 3 years and it’s almost gone. Hang in there ur nearly there.


Thanks for sharing!
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#6

Postby thegreatdane » Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:44 pm

Thanks for sharing guys! Making me feel more normal. Looking forward to read your 3 year post man!
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#7

Postby BullFrog » Tue Aug 27, 2019 6:06 pm

Lightweight wrote:I’m going to post my story on my 3 year quit in a months time. As I owe so much to this forum. But for now all I can say is regarding paws 2yearquit was bang on I started to feel better on 30 months. I thought paws was never going to leave me. Nearly 3 years and it’s almost gone. Hang in there ur nearly there.



I will second every one's response. We are definitely looking forward to hearing your story, Lightweight! Thanks for jumping in and providing encouragement to GreatDane. PAWS is terrible and people in this forum need each other.
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#8

Postby Cthompson21 » Wed Aug 28, 2019 3:23 pm

Sorry Dane. That is really awful. I have nothing but sympathy. I am at 13 mo and I am still struggling. I accept it as a condition. I just have to live with. Once we accept we can move on, and then who knows maybe the symptoms will lift as long as you stay away from weed and porn and other things that alter neurotransmitters. I remember life used to be so easy compared to what it is now, and now it's awful having to cut out alcohol and chocolate and coke / caffeine, having to always take naps, having to accept that I get anxious easily now in social situations. I feel really depressed a lot of the time because of what I lost I used to take for granted.

A lot of people suffer for different reasons. We just got unlucky. Maybe a trip abroad will be good and help distract you. I did the same thing and travelled recently and it helped a little. Best to you!!! Thinking of you, be strong!!!
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#9

Postby thegreatdane » Wed Aug 28, 2019 10:04 pm

CJ i remember you saying u gone through paws before? You really are a warrior man. I really just pray hope and truly believe that its just paws and maybe some unresolved stuck energy that i have to go through. I defiently was a little bit depressed and stuff before my addictions but never to this stage and i had great social skills, which it seems like my addictions have taken away from me. I have had great moments and great days in my paws process so i chose to believe i can recover from this. I should be noticing progress soon, but honestly i have lost hope because i go through this sh** everyday. Even on my "good" days im not even good socially and stuff so yeah, it does suck. I have read a lot about neurochemistry and it shoulldnt stay this forever. Probably a year more or so. Ill see what happens. Good luck to you CJ
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#10

Postby Cthompson21 » Sat Aug 31, 2019 2:38 am

Thank you Dane. Hopefully neurochemistry will prevail and we will recover. It is no fun. Like people said 3 year quit recovered, other people have long timelines...I myself had a long timeline and recovered once...

I remember the first year I had PAWS was 2016, I remember thinking I just need to wait another few months, another year, and then I can start living. 2016 basically just didnt exist for me. I withdrew from everything except work. It was awful, and I grieve for the past wherr I had a social life (but unfortunately abused drugs) but the past isn't coming back. The old me prePAWS is long gone and I miss him but hes just gone...I dont think I will ever recover to a normal state again because it's been a year and I only took a couple hits of weed. I think my brain is just the way it is, I am mostly functional and I pray I can keep going/living and the symptoms I have wont disrupt me too badly I can keep working and such.

We just have to live our lives and be as strong as possible, turn to a higher power or a spirituality that suits you best, and hopefully we can succeed and live productive lives.

Keep updating, keep fighting. I'll be eager to hear how you progress.
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#11

Postby dirtySanchez » Mon Nov 18, 2019 8:11 pm

Here I am.. at 23 months... wondering why are PAWS still be present after all this time... fearing that maybe I have done parament damage to myself because of smoking heavily for 10 years straight while being in development (16 to 26 years old) and taking all kinds of drugs. Right now - I am under waves for the last 30 days straight. It sucks really. Brain fog, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, 0 libido, DR - it's still the same as it was at the beginning.

Posts like this are giving me the motivation that I am not alone in this. Really. It such a relief reading about the journey that took 3 years. It gives me hope and this is all it matters.
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#12

Postby Cthompson21 » Wed Nov 20, 2019 2:59 pm

Sanchez I hope you find some relief soon! I feel the same I feel like I'm stuck in a feedback loop of anxiety, panic and depression. I worry if having an orgasm releases chemicals in my brain that make it worse. I had a glass of wine a while ago and I couldn't handle it, panic the next day...crowds bother me too. So much to think about, I feel like I'm living life walking on eggshells. Hopefully in a year or two we will get better.
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#13

Postby biohack9 » Wed Nov 20, 2019 6:18 pm

Cthompson21 wrote:Sanchez I hope you find some relief soon! I feel the same I feel like I'm stuck in a feedback loop of anxiety, panic and depression. I worry if having an orgasm releases chemicals in my brain that make it worse. I had a glass of wine a while ago and I couldn't handle it, panic the next day...crowds bother me too. So much to think about, I feel like I'm living life walking on eggshells. Hopefully in a year or two we will get better.


Definitely possible due to the flood of dopamine. Semen Retention FTW! Powerful stuff.
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#14

Postby Heretohelp333 » Fri Nov 22, 2019 4:41 am

Hi,

I think you might want to see a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with seeing one and you might get some answers you’re looking for. Congrats on making it this far!
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