I feel lost,anxious,insecure being an adult

Postby masmas » Thu Sep 05, 2019 12:45 pm

Hi everyone. This may be a little bit long one.
I am a 20 y.o male and currently continuing my education on mechanical engineering. First thing I can say is, I've always been a shy, introvert, anxious and insecure boy growing up. This is maybe connected to my parents being very conservative.
All the kids at my age was playing outside all the time, while I basically grew up behind the doors, playing video games. I only had one friend until primary school, who was our neighbor. My father always came home after 11pm(even sundays), we couldn't share basically anything. And my mother started working too, when I was 9.
My personality haven't changed much until I was in high school. Then my parents decided(forced) for me to see a psychiatrist for being very introvert, not talkative. I had antidepressant treatment for about a year. And it actually made me feel better, less anxious, little bit more talkative at social environments. Then I decided to quit after a year because I felt I couldn't focus anymore. And I quit.
Following 3-4 years wasn't that bad. I made friends at high school (Still meeting some close ones) And then I started the university. My parents didn't want me to go to a school out of town, so I stayed and still living with my parents. Generally people develop wider friendship environments at university, mine is not like it. I have only 2 guys that I always hang out. Which doesn't bother me much tho. Making new friends is always been hard for me.
I thought about Erasmus, my parents supported me also. But on the last day of application deadline, the thought of leaving home and starting a new life in another country (even if its just a semester) made me extremely anxious and insecure. And I couldn't apply. I was so angry at myself on that day, but it also made me feel like I'm still a boy who can't leave his parents.
And I still experience that day's effects. I am 20, but I don't feel like an adult. I can't make even simple decisions my myself, always thinking my parents will be there to help me. I had to do my summer internship, but I didn't pursue. Anything involves interaction with other people makes me anxious.
I don't know what I should do, where to start. But even the thought of change makes me anxious. So I'm basically stuck with these feelings.
I just wanted to write my feelings down. But I'd like to see if anyone is, was experienced the similar things, and how they feel, or how they changed this situation.

Thanks for writing all of this.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Sep 05, 2019 1:21 pm

Every one experiences anxious feelings. It is normal.

What you do with those feelings is what makes the difference. Some people retreat from the feeling, seeking comfort in what they know. Others embrace, even relish the feeling as they explore new territory. For some it translates to fear for others it is excitement.

Practice, set small goals that challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. Grow or cultivate your ability to take on more.

For instance, if the goal to live in another country for a semester is big for you, then set a smaller goal. Live in dorms, find a roommate in your current area.

Your parents sound like many other parents, misinformed. They didn’t realize how leaving you without guidance and sheltering would lead to your anxiety and introversion. Now they feel guilty, so they continue to enable, protect, and otherwise shield you from facing situations that make you feel uncomfortable. They encourage you, but you can always fall back to just staying and living with them.

You are 20, so it is time for you to take charge. Don’t let your parents enable you. Don’t let your parents make excuses as to why you need to live with them, supporting you, paying for everything, etc. Take small steps to make yourself independent. Set small goals to gain your freedom from your parents.

Do you have at least a part time job? What clubs have you joined? Do you volunteer? Do you play sports?
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