1 year on

Postby lefttheleaf » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:32 pm

Whats up people

Its been a while since i last posted.

But as of 3 weeks ago i went through the 1 year marker - 1 year since i stopped my heavy weed usage and drinking.

For some back story its worth going back over my posts and reading the full thing. I was a real mess; my physical and mental health was incredibly poor - the levels of anxiety that i was dealing with manifested themselves as me being utterly convinced and terrified that i had slipped away from reality into psychosis and that my heavy drug use had triggered an underlying case of schizophrenia. Long story short that wasnt and isnt the case but it felt so real and so terrifying at the time.

The reason for my post is just to chime in and let anyone who is struggling that despite how bad it seems, things get better and theres a few things I would like to share that directly helped me along my path.

1) ask yourself are you happy at work? at home? if you answer no to either of these then you arent depressed - you are just simply not in a place mentally or physically where you can flourish. Dnt make any drastic decisions but try and get yourself to a place where you are able to flourish.
2) meditate - i cant stress this enough.
3) exercise - again i cant stress this enough. Both cardio and weights - if you cant manage free weights then body weight stuff will work just fine.
4) think less and 'be' more. This leads onto point 5.
5) read some Alan Watts et al if you arent familar with what i mean there as he will do a much better job of explaining it than i could ever - it may sound ironic to read this type of thing considering AW was a heavy drinker and weed smoker but it makes it even more relevant. He wasnt perfect and none of us are

But the most important thing i can pass onto anyone who is suffering or struggling is ACCEPTANCE.

Change is the one constant that there is in life and giving into that and accepting that you cant control life is the one thing that has helped me.

A year on i now have a glass of wine once or twice a week with my wife, and smoke 2/3 joints at the weekend again with my wife. Im sure thats not the right thing for some of you but for me i can now see something more clearly than ever before.

These substances are NOT the problem. I WAS AND YOU ARE.

If you use them to cover something up, make you feel better, block life out, or change your consciousness so that you can deal with reality more efficiently then you are in for trouble. Alot of trouble.

I wish you all the best of luck - dont focus on what isnt right in your life just now. Dont focus on anything. Just be in the moment as best you can and stay away from thinking too much. Thoughts drive feelings and its a never ending circle.

Hit me up if you have any questions.

One love
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#1

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Thu Sep 19, 2019 10:47 pm

Thanks for the post leftheleaf, I remember your early posts as well. I agree alot on everything you say, we need to take up actions to fix things in our lives and only then will we truly live.

I recommend vipassana meditation for everyone.

Apart from that, how are you now in terms of PAWS symptoms?
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#2

Postby leavepawsbehind » Thu Sep 19, 2019 11:13 pm

I don't think that continuing to use indicates acceptance. Most of us are trying to get sober here.
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#3

Postby dhae2604 » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:41 am

What a comedian, you should not posting things like this if you smoke weekend
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#4

Postby lefttheleaf » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:07 am

Vis meditation is awesome man really find it great

Each to their own. But once you realise that YOU are the problem and that YOUR relationship with be that weed, alcohol, food etc is a symptom of a wider issue in your life you’ll realise more about yourself than anyone could on the internet could ever teach you.

@dhea2604 / I’d hate to hate myself and my life so much that I take a little joy in insulting/criticising a total stranger on the internet for being in a place of acceptance and happiness. Aren’t you the bigger person ;)

Peace. One love all. Won’t be posting again as we all independently need to raise ourselves above the negativity and I advise everyone struggling to not spend too much time on this forum as you’ll see the same old people posting the same old negative stories. Love your life.
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#5

Postby dhae2604 » Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:08 am

Sorry dude
I acted out of emotions, as i read you post
"These substances are NOT the problem. I WAS AND YOU ARE."
as i am very angry at the plant. I have lots of mental problems after stopping it for a very short period of time, even im normal before & no problem

Hope u sober someday
All the best
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#6

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:22 pm

I have to 100 percent disagree with this post with me being the problem. I was stupid and believed the whole "its medicine and there are no consequences " bs. Not everyone's story is the same and there as plenty of other people like myself. I wasnt seeking any thrills or whatever.
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#7

Postby lefttheleaf » Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:38 pm

That’s cool man. I’m happy for you to disagree.

The reason for me posting was to pass on some pointers that significantly helped me. I don’t know your story or who you are. And I don’t need to. We all have our own paths to walk.

There’s a lot of anger and upset on this board in regard to the positions thst people find themselves in but actually getting sober isn’t a guarantee of happiness. Happiness comes from a much deeper place than simply not having a drink or a smoke or whatever it is you choose.

That was the point of my post.

Take it or leave it people.

The choice as ever is yours.
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#8

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:44 pm

while i understand alot of folks here are on the focus of staying sober. but don't let that stop you from seeing the other's person point. Lefttheleaf's post Can help not only those fighting addiction and dependency but also others who want to improve their life. Which could be you AFTER you are done with PAWS. Maybe even before.

When he said the substance was not the problem, he was saying it with a different sense of perception. Saying you and I are the problem, thats just hard to swallow.

Thank you all for your inputs.
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#9

Postby lefttheleaf » Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:47 pm

ashthewarrior7 wrote:while i understand alot of folks here are on the focus of staying sober. but don't let that stop you from seeing the other's person point. Lefttheleaf's post Can help not only those fighting addiction and dependency but also others who want to improve their life. Which could be you AFTER you are done with PAWS. Maybe even before.

When he said the substance was not the problem, he was saying it with a different sense of perception. Saying you and I are the problem, thats just hard to swallow.

Thank you all for your inputs.


u got it brother
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#10

Postby HopefulMe » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:02 pm

Dont get a stick up ur butt "brothers" we can all agree to disagree. Just wanted to point that out. Sorry if I sounded insensitive
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#11

Postby littlebrowndragon » Fri Sep 20, 2019 4:47 pm

by lefttheleaf » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:32 pm

2) meditate - i cant stress this enough.


Meditation was a godsend to me too. I found a type of meditation that suited me and have stuck to it for years. What type of meditation did/do you do?



A year on i now have a glass of wine once or twice a week with my wife, and smoke 2/3 joints at the weekend again with my wife. Im sure thats not the right thing for some of you but for me i can now see something more clearly than ever before.


Firstly, congratulations for succeeding in doing what you wanted to do i.e. reduce alcohol consumption and drug usage. Secondly, congratulations for NOT coming off them entirely. I mean that.

Alcohol is my drug of choice. I use it to relax and help me sleep. I do not take any drugs from the doctor. I’ve stopped taking painkillers for the likes of headaches. Even when I had a lengthy stay in hospital over the winter and did take prescribed pills, luckily these were only a mixture of vitamins etc. Within a month of discharge, even though I was supposed to be on them until at least the end of this year. I packed them in. I returned to alcohol. Wine only. Daily. At night only.

Yet what a battle I had in hospital. When the social services decided to take me under their wing, they got wind of my alcohol consumption. Boy did they get a hold of it big time. You see they had to visit my house while I was in hospital – this to pick up some personal effects for me such as items of clothing – and they saw the…….SHOCK….HORROR……empty wine boxes! Actually, if they had looked, they’d have seen that most of the empty wine boxes were several years old. (The reason I kept them was because I did a lot of craftwork. As I couldn’t afford to buy much in the way of craft materials then, I used the card from the wine boxes for crafts.)

But boy did social work home in alcohol consumption. I was grilled time and again about my consumption. They made me feel as if I was doing something wrong by drinking the piddling amount I was drinking. I mean, really. If they had thought about it, who on earth on the income I was on then could afford to drink the amounts they imagined?

The Scottish government in particular has “discouraged” the use of alcohol by increasing prices i.e. alcohol is now costed by unit of alcohol which has put up prices. Of course, this price rise doesn’t hurt the wealthy. It hurts poor folks worst, and poor folks, I’d say, are the people most in need of alcohol.

My sister also takes alcohol as her drug of choice. About 20 years ago she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. She was put on drugs by the psychiatrist. She was then, after a short time, taken off those drugs. As soon as she came off them, she became insomniac, getting about 1 or 2 hours sleep per night. That was 20 years ago. She’s still suffering insomnia as a result of those drugs. In fact, after she came off those drugs and saw their effect, she took no further medication for her schizophrenia. She’s fine now except for her insomnia.

So, despite pressure from medics, social workers and government, I make no apologies for drinking alcohol. For me, it’s the safest drug around.
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