is there a way to lean a new stress response?

#15

Postby Candid » Fri Sep 27, 2019 7:30 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Wow...didn't intend my response to be this long.


Well, I don't mind at all! :D Thank you for taking the time, Richard.

If I understand aright, the idea is to consider a fantasy future, or best outcome, that incorporates using (and building on) current skill set, interests, ambitions and what-will-make-me-most-happy. I like it. A lot.

No book published, but I have created a significant amount of useful content, mainly used in my online course.


Seems like the bulk of the work is done. Surely it would be easy to put this useful content into book form, self-publish and sell through your website?

I'm not fluent in Spanish, but conversational. I'm not fluent in Mandarin, but I can navigate the country.


You would know that mixing with native speakers, full immersion where possible, is the only way to become truly fluent. I have elementary Spanish myself, and each time I get to use it it takes a while for me to get my ear in... never mind my tongue! I had a week of waking up on the Malaga coast, not a great time in my life but it was easy to organise from the UK.

In your case, what does a day, a week of your life look like within 3 years? Have you published your own book on CPTSD? Are you waking up at sunrise? Are you writing, are you providing counseling, are you traveling?


Whew... well, writing, yes -- but not about CPTSD, except here. I prefer to turn my face towards the sun, and I think that's the point you're making. More experienced and more learned folks than I have got it covered anyway. I gave up counselling years ago (except informally), at that time because editing paid better. Frankly I don't think I was good at it. Got a boundaries issue, as you may have noticed in my interactions with desperate788. So that's what isn't in my ideal future.

I'm a lot happier writing fiction, and until recently was presenting a children's book chapter by chapter to the writing group I belong to. Last time I attended I was waving the Preface to my autobiography, which startled the group and was much better received. I've been working on that mighty tome intermittently for years. It was only as I was considering the Preface that I realised I had to choose between writing something saleable and something that captured all the best and worst of my life experiences. At this stage I've plumped for the latter, chiefly because I have what's officially called Mild (but apparently worsening) Cognitive Impairment from a head injury four years ago.

That leaves me shoving in all my memories as they come to me, then getting them in chronological order to the best of my ability. It doesn't preclude a hard edit at a later stage, to produce a more coherent narrative with a point to it that other people might like to read. I can already feel waves of disapproval at this focus on the past, but I'm finding it therapeutic. I've given up on finding any kind of counsellor who won't put me in the too-hard basket, but yes, getting the thing finished in a way that satisfies me is my chief ambition right now.

I'm attending the local university's open day in a couple of weeks, with a view to finishing the bachelor's degree I started on the other side of the world and was forced to abort halfway through my third year after flying off my pushbike, drunk and at high speed down a hill I'd never have tackled sober, and landing on my head. When I see how Other People's Lives have been wrecked in the blink of an eye, I consider myself extremely lucky.

I think the benefit of a future narrative is that it can help shift our minds from past, to present, to future.


Definitely the upside of Law of Attraction, which I know raises your hackles except for your own adaptation. I agree with you, building castles in the air is a fool's pastime.

If you do not have a future narrative then the future is left undefined, unscripted.


Yesh, I think my first task is to start leaving my age out of the equation. I was discharged from the Memory Clinic yesterday, and the worker told me if I was worried about my head in future I should contact Adult Services. My GP referred me to the Memory Clinic for all their testing, "but our service is for older people". That gave me a buzz. I found myself saying "in my head I'm in my 30s", because it's true.

a future narrative is much more flexible and can be controlled to a much larger degree than a past narrative.


Very true, and thank you again for putting this on the forum. You've made me late for work again!
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#16

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Sep 29, 2019 2:11 pm

Candid wrote:If I understand aright, the idea is to consider a fantasy future, or best outcome, that incorporates using (and building on) current skill set, interests, ambitions and what-will-make-me-most-happy. I like it. A lot.


Yes, that is the general idea.

The formal process that I have used since 2010 involves starting a new journal at the beginning of each year.

Every week I have ‘Planning Sunday’. The focus is limited to (1) reflecting on the past week and setting targets for the upcoming week, and (2) updating any progress or barriers to goals I set for the quarter.

I find Planning Sunday very useful, because it really limits the mind from wandering to things that may have taken place decades or even years ago or fantasizing years or decades into the future.

Quarterly updates happen four times a year, with the next occurring in a few days on the 1st of October. I use these dates to allow myself to indulge in thinking about the grand scheme of things. I use quarterly updates to (1) update my 3-year narrative and (2) set my goals for the next 3 months.

There is a bit more to the process, but the major concepts are Planning Sunday, Quarterly Objectives, 3-year Narrative. Those are the building blocks of the process.

I wonder what you will accomplish in the upcoming quarter Candid? Will you be walking on a campus? What might you publish? Are there any methods or ways to strengthen your memory?

Given your value in counseling, your editing skills, and your passion for writing fiction/fantasy, I can see any number of useful futures you could pursue over the next several months.
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#17

Postby mute » Wed Oct 02, 2019 3:27 pm

is that all related to my post?
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#18

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Oct 02, 2019 3:31 pm

mute wrote:is that all related to my post?


Yes.

How do you learn a new stress response mute?

How about responding to stress by taking responsibility for your life, by setting goals and striving to work towards them?

What will you accomplish in the next 3 months of your life? What is your 3 year narrative, mute? Where do you see your future?

All of this addresses how you learn to respond to stress.
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#19

Postby mute » Thu Oct 03, 2019 3:27 pm

that's the problem I have zero motivation or energy when im stressed out.

I feel like im just burned out inside.
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#20

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Oct 03, 2019 5:28 pm

mute wrote:that's the problem I have zero motivation or energy when im stressed out.


You had the motivation to log onto the computer, read and post your thoughts.

That might not seem like much, but it's a start. Some people do not even have the motivation to take a shower or brush their teeth.

A person that has no energy to brush their teeth cannot realistically expect the next day they will have the motivation to run a marathon. If a person believes this possible they are self-handicapping. A person that sets a goal to be a brilliant engineer when they can't make their bed is setting themselves up for failure. Understandably the cycle repeats if they consistently have visions of grandeur that are well beyond their actual capabilities.

I do not know where you fall in the spectrum between brushing your teeth and running a marathon. What I can tell you is that you do fall on the spectrum. Based on your posts it sounds like you are capable of sometimes working out, which means you have the motivation to brush your teeth.

My advice, which I believe has been stated previously, is to set some small goals. Set goals that are not so far beyond your abilities in time and scope that they are unrealistic. Set goals for the next week. Set small, doable goals.

My feeling is that you continue to repeat this mantra of no motivation because you continue to set goals well beyond your current capacity.
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