desperate788 wrote:My whole life is trickery i truck everyone to suffer more
Yes, everybody. You trick everybody who engages with you, from the person you say you love best (mother) through doctors who try to help you, to members of Uncommon Forum who don't know you at all; and I'm sure you've caused endless suffering to your mother while being a time-wasting nuisance to doctors at the expense of more deserving patients, and simply a predictable bore here.
Go on in your misery and your longing for death. Keep laughing, desperate, and enjoying life in your own ghastly way at your mother's expense. You've proved time and time again that the only person you really care about is yourself.