Are 2 months enough to know if the job is right for me?

Postby Dandelion88 » Sun Sep 29, 2019 10:04 pm

Hello,

I have just started a job 2 months ago but I feel like I'm not good enough for this job, it doesn't fit my characters and I cannot find my passion for it (yet). I have finished my Master with honors and I consider myself to be a hard-working person, I just want a job where I can perform well, but this is not really the case. Besides, my coworkers are quite cold and unfriendly to me. I cried quite often after work and have been feeling nauseous going to work lately. I have made a lot of nice friends outside of my department, but inside - no one. So last week I talked to HR and they said they know that some pp in my department are quite weird and that it's not me, it's my department. They suggested me some other positions and encouraged me to switch because 2 months are enough to know if the job is right or not, and it's always better to switch earlier than later.

I then found another position in another department which I think might be the right fit for me. However, my parents think I am acting too fast, and that maybe I should wait a little bit more to see if things get better. Some other friends told me I should look for my mental health first, because going to work struggling and feeling bad after work doesn't sound healthy at all. This is my first fulltime job after college, I don't know how long it would take to make me feel better. I still hope that there will be a job which I can enjoy while having a good relationship with my colleagues. Is that even realistic?

Thank you in advance for your help!
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Sep 30, 2019 12:31 am

You posted three years ago with basically the same perspective in life. So no, you unfortunately will never be happy regardless of what job you have. You will always be miserable, because you have a miserable outlook. That will not change just because you change jobs.

I know the response is not what you want to hear, but you asked if it is realistic. No, it is not realistic and never will be if you don’t focus on shifting out of this crappy perspective you have on life.
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#2

Postby Dandelion88 » Mon Sep 30, 2019 5:22 am

Hi Richard,
I think miserable and crappy are quite harsh to respond to someone who needs help. Anyway, I don't feel like I'm the same person I used to be years ago just because I said I cried. I have a very active social life now, with quite a lot of native friends and I also had 2 jobs earlier, which lasted each more than 4 years, when I was very happy and my bosses and colleagues really liked me. So I might have left you the impression that I am miserable, but I don't feel like I am. I just want to ask for advice regarding career decision.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Sep 30, 2019 1:19 pm

Dandelion88 wrote:I think miserable and crappy are quite harsh to respond to someone who needs help.
...So I might have left you the impression that I am miserable, but I don't feel like I am. I just want to ask for advice regarding career decision.


You wrote that you cry and feel nauseous before/after work. Friends have told you to seek mental health because of your struggles.

If that does not qualify as miserable...if you think that describes a happy person, I disagree.

Crappy is referring to the way you approach life. Your friends know, hence their advice that you seek mental health first. They recognize changing positions will not solve your problem. Your parents have suggested you continue, so they also recognize that switching jobs is not the solution.

With your friends and family not approving you to switch jobs, even though you are crying, struggling, and nauseous, you are now in here hoping to get the answer you really want. You want an unqualified stranger to tell you to make the switch. The advice of friends and family was not what you wanted, so you are Internet shopping.

You should look at my response as a positive development. Don’t take it as harsh. Take it as an opportunity to stop avoiding your real issues, the same issues your parents and friends have already noted.

Why do you think your parents/friends are wrong? Is what they say harsh? Maybe what they have said you find less harsh, but apparently their advice isn’t helping you gain a new, stronger perspective on life.

And that is what it boils down to, right? It isn’t about the job. It is about your self esteem. It is about your inability to handle stresses that for most people are minor. And this is driven by your crappy perspective.

You see your progress over the last few years as good. So do I. I think it is awesome what you have accomplished. I have no doubt that you are a driven, persistent person that has the ability to add tons of value to your community, to your family, to your friends.

But, what about your needs? All of what you have accomplished is focused on looking good for others, providing for others and comparing yourself to others. You don’t focus on doing something just for your own pleasure...THAT IS CRAPPY! That is what you must change.

You don’t want the above advice. You want advice regarding a career decision. Okay. My advice is for you to find a job that you wish to master. Find a task, a skill, a domain that you wish to master for the only reason that you enjoy it. Then, pursue mastery in that domain. Then it will not matter how good you are or are not. Then it won’t matter if your coworkers are not to your liking. Then it won’t matter what your parents, friends, or others have to say about your life.
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