Intrusive thoughts- tics- deep pressure therapy

Postby melancholyMo » Sat Oct 12, 2019 9:57 am

This is my first post on the Uncommon forums. Once in a while I seek out sites like this where I can find people who can maybe relate to the things I'm going through; which are mostly internal struggles that are often aggravated more by external struggles. I also look for advice. Most of the time I just need to get things out of my head and hear neutral feedback from people who aren't involved in my personal life.
Anxiety has been a constant in my life for as long as I remember. Intrusive thoughts being sparked by anxiety has also been a longtime issue.
There are the intrusive thoughts that are more easy to express to others... and then there are the intrusive thoughts that cause such discomfort for me that I can't help physically cringe, have tics, start rubbing my hands together, rocking back and forth and will eventually have a meltdown if coerced into talking about it.
The unbearable intrusive thoughts stem mostly from childhood abuse trauma that I have not been able to tackle yet in my adult life. Just writing about this is extremely difficult.
The other intrusive thoughts also cause tics and discomfort of course but they are more easily rationalized, compartmentalized and set aside.
The tics usually verbal(random loud "kee!" noises and motor tics(shaking my head from side to side). If I'm really stressed or tired the tics are obviously worse. Hitting myself, etc. I can go months without tics sometimes but they usually come back when I'm doing worse than usual. Sometimes they just come back and I'm not even sure why.
I'm not sure if any of this is making sense because I'm being sort of vague. There's so much more to these intrusive thoughts that I could describe but it's really hard for me to get in depth on this subject sometimes.
I've been looking more into deep pressure therapy because of the severely uncomfortable "tingly" feeling that makes me feel like everything is out of control if I don't do something about it. This feeling is something that I've never been able to thoroughly articulate to myself or anyone. It's just this overwhelming feeling mostly on my head/temples where the only relief I get is pressing my hands to my head. I recently found weighted hats online that may do some good.
Sometimes if I'm having a panic attack or just feeling really overwhelmed I'll hit myself in the head pretty hard with my hands. This stuns me for just a moment and makes feel just a bit calmer. I know this isn't healthy. It might even border on self harm. Although I don't do this for the pain; it's for relief from the "tingly" feeling . But I guess self harm is exactly what it's called.... I'm harming myself for relief.

I think I just want some input on these subjects(intrusive thoughts, tics, deep pressure therapy)...

- Have you dealt with these issues(intrusive thoughts/tics)? If so: How do these things affect your daily life, if at all? How do you cope?
- Have you tried or are you interested in deep pressure therapy? What type of pressure therapy(weighted/compression products,etc)? How does it help you personally?
- If you haven't experienced any of these personally but you have some insight on these subjects or know someone who deals with these type of issue: then feel free to share what you have to say.

Thank you for reading through this post.
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Postby Candid » Sun Oct 13, 2019 6:52 am

melancholyMo wrote:The unbearable intrusive thoughts stem mostly from childhood abuse trauma that I have not been able to tackle yet in my adult life.

This is what jumped out for me, because it's my area of expertise and I know from personal experience that childhood abuse leads to all sorts of horrible symptoms that persist and worsen if they're not released. Dealing with them means talking about it to a trained listener, as opposed to burying it under a whole lot of secondary problems. IOW, it has to come out somehow.

For starters I'll recommend some bibliotherapy. You can start with the work of John Bowlby on attachment,

Move on to Alice Miller, who writes about the enlightened witness, ie. someone who can listen to what happened to you and understand how it's affected you, thereby providing a safety valve for bad feelings.

the adult who has grown up without helping witnesses in his childhood needs the support of enlightened witnesses, people who have understood and recognized the consequences of child abuse ~ ... n-society/

This is almost certainly a head problem, not a physical one. That means deep pressure therapy or any other kind of physical work such as more exercise will feel good on the day but have no lasting effects. The unprocessed trauma just keeps flooding back.

Talk therapy -- having another human being validate your feelings -- is the way to lay it to rest. Diane Langberg coined the phrase "talk, tears and time" as the only method. There are no short-cuts.

You might like to watch one of Langberg's presentations on the subject,

After that, start looking for a talk therapist who specialises in childhood trauma and understands what goes with it, including procrastination, self-sabotage and overwhelming feelings of helplessness. I hope you'll be able to find one in your area.
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Postby melancholyMo » Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:27 am

Thank you so much Candid for your thoughtful and intricate reply. My mind has been such a disorganized mess for so long so I wasn't sure if I really would get any replies on my babbling first post. Your educated and empathetic input means a lot to me. I will most certainly look into those resources that you've recommended.
Thank you again.
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