Family problem help

Postby Jackson44 » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:39 am

Try to make this short. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and the last year or so i have started having feelings for her bothers wife, which i guess would be my sister in law. They have 2 kids, we dont have any.. The wife finally talked to me about these feelings and said she has these same feelings towards me. We have flirted alot in the past, but never acted on our feelings. But I feel that even though these are feelings, i feel im not fully commited my realationship with my girlfriend.

Knowing we both have feelings for each other and its very tough now, knowing she has these same feelings.. How can i move past these feelings? I know there not right and how could we ever be a couple isnt right. She says when i wear a certain pair of jeans its hard to resist me. But sometimes just seeing her brings these feelings back to me. But I cant just avoid family things and stop seeing her kids, etc.

Any suggestions how I can move past this feeling i have in my head towards her?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 29, 2019 1:57 pm

Two options:

-1- leave the 5 year relationship.

-2- invest in the 5 year relationship.

Probably -1- is your best and easiest option. Using -1- allows you to exit the situation and no longer be around a married woman. It allows your girlfriend to find a man willing to commit to her and only her. It allows your girlfriend to find a man that will not have or entertain discussions or feelings for another woman.

Note, I’m not placing any blame here. Maybe your girlfriend of 5 years is nothing special. Maybe things have changed. Maybe she is a nag or a horrible person. It takes two to make a relationship work. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

What is not a maybe is that your 5 year relationship is busted in one form or another for some reason.

-2- The second option is to take all that energy and time you have been spending having secret conversations with this other woman and invest it in your girlfriend of 5 years. Instead of taking cold showers while imagining your sister in law, take a hot shower with your girlfriend and figure out how to repair or otherwise grow the relationship.

The second option is the harder option to navigate. It requires tending the same garden you’ve been planting for 5 years. It means planting some new flowers and focusing on your little plot of land. Right now your just tired of the same garden so your flirting with your neighbors garden.

The bottom line, your 5 year relationship is busted. You might be giving it the basics. You might be pulling the weeds, but your not actively growing the garden you planted. You’ve become lazy and your girlfriend probably has become lazy too.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:10 pm

One more piece of advice.

At some point you will have another discussion with this sister in law. When this happens, instead of talking about how good you look in a certain pair of jeans, tell her to go tend her own garden and that you plan to do the same.

Now...she might explain all the reasons that it is her husbands fault that her garden is overgrown with weeds, but it is just excuses. Same as you stopped tending and growing your garden, she has stopped focusing on her garden.
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#3

Postby Catmom » Sat Nov 30, 2019 1:45 pm

What are you thinking? You cant date the sister in law. Its plain wrong. She is wrong too. Do not do this or you will hurt other people and create scars that can't be healed. Think of yourgf, her brother, their kids, their entire family. An ex boyfriends friend hit on me once. I walked away. I advise you do the same. You will hurt others.
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#4

Postby MarcosUve » Sat Nov 30, 2019 6:11 pm

You might be giving it the basics. You might be pulling the weeds, but your not actively growing the garden you planted. You’ve become lazy and your girlfriend probably has become lazy too.
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