Emotional child abuse

Postby Icanbeatthis » Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:33 pm

Hi I had every kind of emotional abuse from my mother a psychopath blames any1 or anything except herself. 1 odd 1 stands out. At 5yrs old fell out of a tree landing on concrete flat on my face blood coming from most of my face I ran home and she flipped out as she did yelling and stomping the ground (an intimidation thing she did) but extra extremely angry. Normally she enjoyed my pain sometimes laughing, y on earth was she possibly so angry? Any clue be great thankyou
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Nov 08, 2019 6:44 pm

Icanbeatthis wrote: At 5yrs old fell out of a tree landing on concrete flat on my face blood coming from most of my face I ran home and she flipped out as she did yelling and stomping the ground (an intimidation thing she did) but extra extremely angry....y on earth was she possibly so angry? Any clue be great thankyou


For the tree incident....fear. It is a primal, fear driven reaction driven by a heavy spike of adrenaline. Your mother was afraid.

It was not anger driven by jealousy, greed, lust, or some other motive. It was anger driven by fear. Mothers sometimes react with fear when they see their child hurt.

The intimidation is communication that says, “LISTEN @##@@, DO NOT DO STUPID @##$!”

The intent of the intimidation, at least in this case, was to protect you. Mothers are like that.

I’m not defending intimidation as some great way to parent a 5 year old. But, sometimes we lose sight of the fact that using language is actually very new in evolutionary terms. Much of our communication is still very primal. Much of how we communicate is non-verbal body movements that developed millions of years ago.

Animals growl, hiss, nip, and bite their young to correct their behavior. We are a form of animal. Your mother was trying to correct your behavior.
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#2

Postby Icanbeatthis » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:21 pm

Thank you for such a thorough explanation. It was a once off strange reaction I hid my injuries after that, I just feared her unpredictable anger and I wasn't more careful my courage and love of danger has been injuring me all my life. Over 20 motorcycles crashes is one good example scars tell a better story than tattoos in my mind. I'm impressed with your insight and intelligence am I wrong about any of this?
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#3

Postby Icanbeatthis » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:33 pm

Is loving danger and excitement and testing my courage actually courage?
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#4

Postby Icanbeatthis » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:42 pm

Ive processed it and I totally get it. If I saw any child with a face covered in blood I would instantly panic I wouldn't lose my temper at the child tho
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#5

Postby Icanbeatthis » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:54 pm

Sorry for the flood of posts my brains on fire. I just clicked why I love danger excitement and testing my courage. I'm more afraid of living a boring uninteresting life than I'm afraid of injury or death. So it's fear not courage, wow
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#6

Postby Icanbeatthis » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:25 pm

Wait a minute it's still courage but it's caused by fear? This is alien to me I need help. Am I brave or a coward or both? Either way I wouldn't change a thing but I would enjoy understanding it
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:59 pm

Icanbeatthis wrote:Ive processed it and I totally get it. If I saw any child with a face covered in blood I would instantly panic I wouldn't lose my temper at the child tho


So you would just calmly tell the child not to place themself in a dangerous situation? The child would see you panic and draw what conclusion? That you were angry at a stranger? That you are angry at the tree? That you are just scared in general?

I get what you are trying to say, but that isn’t how our emotions actually trigger. Anger upon seeing your bloody child is not a calculated reaction.

I remember my nephew riding a toy in the driveway. I looked up and he was headed to the street. Panic as I screamed, “Hey, get your @#@&-&#*@*@*@*@*@&!”

My nephew began to cry as he headed back towards me.

Did I calculate my anger? No. It was communication, intimidation, protection provided at a very instinctual level designed by nature to protect family.

You didn’t say that your mother physically beat you for hurting yourself. You said she yelled, screamed, and stomped around. That was primal protection. That you now remember that incident shows how it works. It created a memory. That’s what it is suppose to do to keep you alive, to keep you from repeating dangerous behavior. Nature worked, but you interpret it as abuse or negative. You claim you wouldn’t do the same if you had a child.

I respectfully doubt your claim. It is nice to say that you would suppress a very human response and I think many of us would like to think similar, but the reality is that we don’t know how exactly we might react in that situation or if suppressing our human emotions would actually be the correct response.

If you tempered your response the child might actually receive mixed signals. Instead of learning the child fails to embed the memory and continues with behavior that is counterproductive. But for your mothers yelling maybe you would no longer be here.

Of course there is no way to actually tell. We conclude the emotions of fear and anger at a 5 year old bloody from a tree serve an adaptive purpose.
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#8

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sat Nov 09, 2019 7:22 pm

I believe all that to be very true you know your stuff. I wanted to add about the daredevil stuff, I can't have been afraid of a boring life as a child (I'm doubting all of what I think now though) why would I climb the tallest tree etc? I guess children testing thier limits is a natural development like playing? Did I never grow out of this phase? I'm still doing it but it's all mental limits now nothing physical except for cycling I go for gold to test my cardio and leg strength and endurance. No dangerous acts I'm 47 now I'm wiser or less aggressive sh** I'm doubting that now too
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#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Nov 09, 2019 7:31 pm

Risk seeking behavior is well documented. It has been studied and as with other behaviors it serves an adaptive purpose. There is no definitive age, but testosterone plays a factor.

Males take more physical risks than females. Males die more frequently and at younger ages. Males that survive will have more offspring than most females, i.e. offspring with multiple partners.
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#10

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sat Nov 09, 2019 8:19 pm

Thanks I will research risk seeking behaviour. One other odd thing that puzzles me is I don't have jealousy, I was trying to work it out all I've got is that I'm happy when people win or have nice things and if I want those nice things I will go and work for them. I understand that (I think I do) but I'm even happy for people I don't like when they are successful. Is it because I'm happy there's a chance for me to learn how to be successful maybe? It's all I've got
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#11

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sat Nov 09, 2019 8:21 pm

I'm often blind to others jealousy
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#12

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sat Nov 09, 2019 8:27 pm

I don't even know mother nature's purpose of jealousy I don't see any benefit there must be one of course
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#13

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sat Nov 09, 2019 8:51 pm

I've had a google I get mother nature's purpose for relationship jealousy (making sure your offspring are yours) I don't have that or maybe an odd kind of it. For instance me and a big bunch of friends and flatmates were having a night at the pub I was 17 (underage drinking was acceptable then and here) my girlfriend and flatmate were flirting I instantly ended the relationship its unacceptable behavior to me. I don't flirt when I'm spoken for it seems wrong. Reading about it, jealousy it's awful I'm glad I don't feel it. I have observed to put it delicately, people of lesser intelligence seem much more jealous. Does insecurity cause jealousy or does jealousy cause insecurity?
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#14

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:03 pm

Icanbeatthis wrote:...my girlfriend and flatmate were flirting I instantly ended the relationship its unacceptable behavior to me.


That is a type of jealousy. You ended the relationship because you had an unpleasant feeling when you saw a woman you were physically attracted to flirting with another man.
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