Coming to a realization: 2 years weed free

Postby Robb1e_g » Sun Nov 24, 2019 1:42 am

What’s going on guys, so I posted not long ago saying I hit another wave after 3 months relatively PAWS free symptoms. This wave has been going on for basically like two weeks maybe? I have been having a lot going on in my life; new girlfriend, school, etc. and it was a rough time to hit these waves of symptoms. Bare with me as I sort of open up about this.

After talking to a good friend, I came to a realization through this journey; this whole time I have had confusion in what I believe in after quitting weed sort of existential angst that saddens me a lot sometimes. It’s been a struggle and I obsessed for a long time over researching and what not for around atleast an hour a day; but not really doing much about it in terms of action for what I believe. Yes I came to God after everything and I truly believe that he is real and he has impacted my life through hard times but I need to put more faith into him and just live my life and stay in the moment.


I think I just sort of suppressed a lot of things through recovery and didn’t realize it and tried to just be okay when really I just need to let go and let it run it’s course. The last two weeks have been rough for me and today I feel extremely sad and anxious, again this could be due to PAWS symptoms still but also I believe it could be largely affected by coming to this realization and beginning to work through this sort of depression I could say.

I’ve heard of others getting depressed after the big symptoms of PAWS going away and was just looking for some feedback on what you guys think could be going on with me? Yes this depressed feeling is very very strong and it sucks a lot, I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment; but luckily it’s not all day, more like in waves like I said during the middle of the day until around nighttime.
Maybe a thing I could start doing is stop all of the philosophical research and stop asking so many questions and start to live more again.

Hopefully I could get some feedback and I expect my recovery to still be in progress.

Good luck everyone
Robb1e_g
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#1

Postby clearwater » Sun Nov 24, 2019 6:18 pm

Hey Robbie,
I've logged in after a couple of years and just saw your post. I'm going to reach my 5-year milestone soon and I know exactly what you're going through. The depression is physiological. It's the lack of dopamine because the part of the brain that produces Dopamine had been firing incessantly due to weed and since it has been devoid of weed, it doesn't know any other way out. So until the neurotransmitters recalibrate it may be a while. So I guess living in the moment and finding joy in every little thing is the way to go. The more questions you ask yourself and try and seek answers, the more you're likely to be drawn into melancholy. I can remember around 3 years the bouts of depression started getting episodic for me. I had my worst time as soon as I woke up and then it faded away during the day. Some days it used to come back strong and then vanish. But beyond the three-year mark, you'll start forgetting about it, unlike now, when that's all you're consumed with. Coffee worked wonders for me - I sourced the best beans, roasted them myself and enjoyed a great cup every morning- seemed to kick the blues away. But yes, I think living in the moment and meditating can really help. Other than that the only thing I can advise you with is - hang on! This will surely pass. Peace and happiness to you brother!
clearwater
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#2

Postby Robb1e_g » Sun Nov 24, 2019 7:17 pm

Clearwater,

That makes a lot of sense, I really appreciate the reply, I guess I shouldn’t have expected to be completely healed yet I thought 2 years would do it, it’s weird how I went three months with so little symptoms. I sometimes wonder if it’s the stress and uncertainty of my relationship that is also causing this because it does stress me out a lot wether I’m ready or not for a relationship, but I love her so I’m trying. Thanks again for the reply it means a lot
Robb1e_g
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