My quitting weed diary 2+ years

Postby Robb1e_g » Tue Dec 10, 2019 3:00 am

whats going on guys, i am about 2 year and 1 month free from that hellish plant!

it has been such a scary and crazy journey for me so far, but the good news is there is so much improvement, but yet so much more work to do.

i will say recovery really is possible, however i am starting to realize through trial and error things to seriously stay away from.

i can recall back to about 1.6 years clean to about 2 years clean where it was about a 2.5 month period of 90-95 percent of my days to feel great, basically back to normal. hitting this two year mark was rather dissappointing because i got my hopes up and hit a huge wave of PAWS. Still going through it, some days i can feel great most of the day and a lot of other days it sucks. it seems to be a lot of anxiety still and more so depression though now than before. probably the most awful feeling in the world.

its crazy how i can actually feel the waves come on in my head, almost feels like i can feel the chemical levels in my brain change and feel the fuzzy headband around my head and it sort of hurts inside my head sometimes. i still feel stuck in my head a lot while going through these waves.


however, this is nothing like it was in the beginning; wether i got used to it or the severity is more managable now, i am coping better than in the beginning, and one step at a time coming out on top.

it is imperitive that you dont drink or smoke nictone or drink caffeiene while recovering, i am feeling the consequences of drinking now, i have probably drank 25 - 30 times throughout my recovery (8 of which i probably got very drunk) . some of these times i didnt get any withdrawal effects afterwards, but other times it would hit me like a truck. hitting this two year mark my brain could be sensitive and recovering so when i try to drink it hits me like a truck instantly.

sometimes i still question if this is PAWS or just how i am now, but again i highly doubt it considering these symptoms do not feel natural at all and i know my thought processes are completely different and not me at all; i just feel like a different person a lot through this. stresses like college and a new relationship could be casuing agitation of my symptoms as well and it does affect my new relationship

i will keep on fighting through and i hope to be back on the other side soon. i think i got my hopes up when i felt really great for those few months with not manhy symptoms or waves at all. I understand what the other side feels like again so it helps a lot to get back to it. I just keep praying and hoping God will get me through it all because it really is crazy how when you are in the woods its hard to see the light somtiemes

good luck everyone!
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#1

Postby biohack9 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:50 pm

Robb1e_g wrote:sometimes i still question if this is PAWS or just how i am now,


This is what i'm feeling 2.5 months in. I'll keep pushing, but if this depression doesn't ease up by 6-9 months, I rather just go back to it. Or at least I need to see SOME improvements.

However I think I have had glimpses of "the other side", but they are so short lived. It's almost as if i'm completely normal (or at least compared to my baseline depression), and sleep okay, and then wham, early wake up 1:30am-2:30am and feel horrible and the day is shot.

Completely agree to not go near caffeine or alcohol.. learned some bad lessons there, even in extreme moderation. It seems like i'm so sensitive to a single coffee, where i'll feel the effects all day long, and tried decaf and still felt that little amount of caffeine. Even a beer or two don't seem to agree with me and mucks up my brain.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it's always so nice to hear anecdotes from those so far along the journey, just surprised me that PAWS could strike so far down the road. But yeah, if this is "why we are" after that much time, i'd rather enjoy cannabis because even with as many negative effects it had, it was MUCH better than this sober life i'm living now. In fact, I feel like i'm just wasting my life WITHOUT it now.
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#2

Postby Robb1e_g » Thu Dec 12, 2019 1:27 am

whats up biohack, i would most definitely not go back to weed. if you do it will only make things worse. you will probably eventually just get panic attacks everytime you smoke like i and many others have had happen to us. when i say im over 2 years clean, i have tried it again to see if this actually caused my PAWS, and it for sure did. it messed up my timeline but it helped me to learn more. atleast you are free to struggle now instead of being locked up by cannabis to feel good. its irrational to think that this will last forever. i was 2.5 months in just like you and that was the worst of it for me. from about 2 months to 9-10 months i considered giving up on life many times. i am so glad i didnt. i have had a total of 3 months or so of feeling amazing and myself again. i am going through another wave that has lasted about a month i think, but its normal. this is around the time i quit, but also yesterday and the night before i felt amazing and normal and happy again. this far in, there is a lot more times where i feel happy and myself again. any kind of stress agitates PAWS so its normal. feeling even severely depressed and anxious out of your mind and having socual anxiety is also normal. i get it a lot, but you have to manage it and constantly work on yourself. I like to thank God for him pushing me through, but you have to also hold your end of the bargain. these chemical changes make you think so negative about everything when in reality there is nothing to think negative about. you need to force yourself to get up and do yourself a favor everyday and live with this and see it thtough and not fear it. you need to accept it, understand you f***ed up by abusing weed, and fix it. and you can, everyone can, it is the battle of your mind. your mind tricks you a lot, trust me i know it does. but there is a reason for your pain and a purpose for your struggle, it really is going to bring resiliance. keep pushing, and you will get through it. you will only fail if you stop trying. remember to think clearly through this process as it can be hard to a lot of times with you brain this way. you must always neutralize your negative thoughts or make them positive and look at yourself in the mirror everyday and give yourself the confidence to get through this. you wouldnt be going through this if you couldnt handle it. trust me when i say you are going to be alright. just do not go back weed, like i said, its better to be actually free to struggle than to rely on a plant to feel free. best of luck man
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#3

Postby biohack9 » Thu Dec 12, 2019 2:03 am

Hey man, really appreciate that. You're definitely right, but I keep thinking chicken or the egg scenario, and if I legit needed some medication, I would always take cannabis over pharmaceuticals. I live with ptsd and a lifetime of depression and anxiety, had a tough life and now in mid age I look back and can't determine if the cannabis was masking via self medication, or actually causing my issues since I started maybe 15 years ago (i'm 44 now), but that was "regularly". I first tried it in my early 20's, but only in extreme moderation. Who knows, but that's why i'm trying to go the distance now, but again, if in like a year I haven't noticed way more better days than crappy days, it's just not worth it to live like this. I was way more stoked on life with cannabis vaporizing. I wasn't lazy, I used it as a tool to hit the gym, and enjoy/enhance all the things that motivated me in life, but it was definitely a dependency/addiction. But life can be really hard, and without alcohol/caffeine/pharmaceuticals, sometimes you might need something to make this living experience better. I really hope not, and prefer to be high on life, but you can only deal with insomnia and depression for so long before breaking.

When my insomnia and depression hit, there is no stopping it, you can overrule the thoughts and force yourself to do things. Like even cooking a meal would be an excruciating task. It just doesn't work. Fortunately when I do get some decent sleep, I feel amazing, and that's what is keeping me pushing forward.

Appreciate the feedback about months 2 to 9-10 months, that motivates me even more to keep going the distance. I'm pretty hopeful, and just hope it comes quick! Cheers bro!
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#4

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Dec 20, 2019 10:57 pm

How are you doing now Robb1e_g?
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#5

Postby Robb1e_g » Tue Dec 24, 2019 7:35 am

Bio hack sorry I didn’t see your reply, but I understand where you are coming from. Having ptsd and anxiety and depression before the weed, quitting weed isn’t going to make all of that go away. But I am one hundred percent sure that the mental dependency in it made it much worse. The withdrawals are gonna take a few years, I’ve noticed 2-3 years to really get over it. For me, I never had bad anxiety and never had depression before, until getting basically addicted to weed and smoking crazy amounts everyday for a year and a half and then cold turkey quitting out of nowhere. I’m over two years in and still dealing with some things here and there and I noticed that I always was more of an anxious person, however the weed made it worse. I’m currently fixing it, after doing a lot of research for last two years dealing with PAWS, I found that a huge part of recovering is taking control of your own mind and managing your thoughts. You are the only person who can control you so you have to control your thoughts and own yourself. To really help yourself, and I have helped myself from a place of major depression during this, you just really need to make sure you are not letting negative thoughts become your reality. 98% of intrusive thoughts you create in your head are not true scientifically, and we know that people are incredibly capable of almost entirely ridding themselves of anxiety and depression through reconstruction of their neural pathways by creating the right lifestyle and thought life. Now there are people who of course have chemical imbalances (like people going through PAWS or say bipolar disorder) and for PAWS you really have to power through it and let the waves take you, there’s no getting around that. But sometimes yes weed is an acceptable use, but the thc is not necessary, just the cbd. Thc is psychoactive and can actually make anxiety and depression worse, which is why it’s not recommended for people under the age of 25 where their brains are not fully developed yet. If anything after recovering from PAWS and improving your thought life and lifestyle, I would use cbd to help with what you have already had. I also think you are going through this for a reason and I think that reason is this is enlightening you to take matters into your own hands and not only recover from PAWS but also to get back your life again, I truly believe that. There’s always a reason for the struggle man. I hope that helps because changing my lifestyle and thought life has helped me more than I can even explain.

And what’s up cthompson, I’m doing much better! I’ve been feeling great the past week, so that’s good! I think that was a rough month for me because it’s around the time I quit and I had a bunch of other stresses as well and I was drinking some and it all added up, but I got through it, how are you feeling?
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#6

Postby SparkleFly12 » Tue Dec 24, 2019 5:36 pm

I agree, a large part of dealing with paws is makng sure that negative thoughts dont consume your brain. A lot of the times, I just have to force myself to use logic: Is this really something worth worrying or getting anxious about? Its hard to do in the heat of things but it helps.
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