Ghosted. Next steps?

Postby calvinTO » Tue Dec 24, 2019 2:24 am

Hi all.

I think I just got ghosted, and beyond this playing into my insecurities ("You shouldn't have done this! You knew it would fail!) I feel like a fool. Generally, I feel sad.

I get that it's not about me, that it's about them, etc etc. Yes, I do understand all that. It still hurts.

The problem? We play on a team together and our next game is in a couple of weeks. Assuming that the ghosting goes on, things will be awkward. Or likely not. We aren't on the same line while playing and it's easy enough to sit far apart in the dressing room, and easy enough not to have to talk.

But I can't reconcile myself to the notion that I got ghosted and that there's now nothing to say. And, no, I'm not about to ask, even in a general non-threatening kind of way, "what happened?".

I suppose i know what I have to do, which is, essentially, nothing. And my sadness, well, this too shall pass. Dang. Sigh.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Dec 24, 2019 3:39 am

In my life I have never ghosted a single person. I’ve come close, but never have I full on deleted or blocked someone.

I’ve told people that I will no longer discuss XYZ and then never heard from them again, but to me that is not ghosting. We can discuss other things.

On the flip side I have been ghosted. The first time it hurt, until I worked through the logic. Why did they ghost me? What had I done so horrific that I deserved banishment from their life?

The answer was clearly nothing. It was only the fact modern technology allowed them an easy escape. Their behavior was certainly not unique to me. I was no one special. I was just another among scores they had ghosted at some point.

Your immediate insecurity is natural. For 199,700 years ghosting was not really possible. Our ancestors lived in small communities and banishment was a rare event. In fact, even now ghosting is a privilege restricted to major urban areas and the Internet.

Next steps? Gain some perspective. Recognize that ghosting is a luxury of the weak. The weak find it easier to run than respond. And because it is the easy path you will not be their first or last. They will run again and again. You find that attractive? I don’t.
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Postby calvinTO » Tue Dec 24, 2019 8:17 am

Thanks for the perspective, especially your telling of your own story. "The weak find it easier to run...." That is true; and while I won't judge them harshly for being that way, I'll certainly keep that in mind. ... And maybe now I can get some sleep.

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Postby theforsaken » Sun Dec 29, 2019 1:24 pm

Don't worry about it man.. as I read that I was thinking a date ghosted you and was gonna tell you it's not a bit deal and blah blah, but it's just another bloke you wanted to hang out with?

This is good man. You learn who your real mates are, or aren't. It's a lesson. Learn from it.
Trust me man no having no friends is better than having sh** ones. He did you a favour.
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Postby n01 » Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:11 am

calvinTO wrote:"You knew it would fail!".
That's curious. What failed? Could it have been highly offensive?
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