I can't get myself to work

Postby rabcor » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:40 pm

For 10 years I have not been bale to get myself to do any long-term work. I've gotten increasingly lazy to the point where I avoid mental effort, sitting on my donkey and watching shitty tv or reading shitty novels is basically all I do at this point, I occasionally play video games (I used to love gaming more than anything, now I need to be in the right mood to be willing to put up with the mental effort to do something so god damn simple...)

I've had ups and downs of course, I once managed to start every day with some light bodyweight exercise for 1 or 2 months, then I missed out 1 day, just 1 (it was out of my control I just couldn't do it in that one morning) and it just stopped there. I thought it was supposed to be a habit long before that point right? Apparently not. Not really anyways.

I've used mental tricks like thinking smaller, you know, instead of deciding to go do a full set of pushups and squats I just go for one pushup, and then I can quit or keep going as I please, but keeping this kind of thought process up is just not easy, I mean I've tried but where I want to go, and the minimum possible level of effort are conflicting ideas because I know that if I just did that minimum effort every day for the rest of my life, then for most things I would not reach my end-goal before I die. So this trick while it does work to get me started it depends on the weather whether I can get in that mindset or not.

At first it was starting that was hard for me, once I started something I'd usually keep going till completion or failure. But now starting is only half the battle for me, keeping up till completion is the other half, keeping on retrying after failure is the hardest part.

There's no immediate urgency for me to work, I'm on welfare which covers my basic living expenses, and ideally I'd want to make use of all the free time that gives me to do something neat. I have a few projects I want to work on, develop a game here, a website there, some artwork on the side, there'll be some learning involved in all of these but they are things I can learn as I do them (rather they're things I can only learn as I do them). And you know what I think it's fun, I like doing all those things. When I go outside for whatever reason and I end up bored there, my mind immediately goes to "man, I wish I was at home drawing right now" or maybe I imagine how that website should look, try to do a little design work on the go to kill the time.

My mind never goes to "man, I wish I was at home watching this movie/reading this book/playing this game". It used to 10 years ago but it never happens now, I always can't stop thinking of these projects I want to do when I'm bored.

But then, after maybe being outside for a couple of hours, hyping up how much drawing I'll get done when I get home, I sit down in front of the computer, and instead of photoshop or visual studio I open a webnovel or netflix, maybe (occasionally) a game. This happens for no other reason than because it's the path of least resistance, because I don't 100% know how to complete all these other things, because none of them are 100% inside my comfort zone (maybe not even 50% in my comfort zone even). It happens because I'd have to put in some mental effort. Or at least that's what I'm assuming, I could be wrong of course, I've had 10 years to figure it out and no self-help tricks or psychologist I've visited has really done the trick. None of them even had a lasting impact on this issue.

I'm just out of ideas. I might not be the most motivated to work, I might not be that ambitious, but there's no denying the spark is there, it's something I want to do even if it might not all be easy to accomplish. But every time it's time to get to work, to do the damn thing, I drop the ball. Everytime it's time to bring ideas from my imagination to reality, to follow my own plans, it just doesn't happen. At first it was just infinite procrastination, now it's just like whenever I try to start working, just take the first step, all my motivation gets zapped and my mind just completely forgets about it and I go do something (anything) else.

What am I supposed to do? How can I gain control over my life? What the hell is wrong with me?
rabcor
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:31 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jan 04, 2020 1:58 am

rabcor wrote: There's no immediate urgency for me to work, I'm on welfare which covers my basic living expenses


Your situation is not uncommon. In a world of luxury, where people have no need to earn a living and no need to support others or to participate in the community, motivation along with purpose fades and then disappears.

I'm just out of ideas.


No you’re not. You just don’t like the ideas.

Get a job. Any job. Suck it up and submit applications. Get off the “compassionate” tit of government.

What am I supposed to do?


Get a job. Sure, life will suck as you actually have to work instead of watching Netflix. You will have to budget as welfare is probably a step up from a low wage job.

How can I gain control over my life?


Get a job. That will help provide structure.

What the hell is wrong with me?


That, like many other miserable people in your same situation, you just don’t want too.
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10904
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1131

#2

Postby rabcor » Sat Jan 04, 2020 2:12 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
I'm just out of ideas.


No you’re not. You just don’t like the ideas.

Get a job. Any job. Suck it up and submit applications. Get off the “compassionate” tit of government.

What am I supposed to do?


Get a job. Sure, life will suck as you actually have to work instead of watching Netflix. You will have to budget as welfare is probably a step up from a low wage job.

How can I gain control over my life?


Get a job. That will help provide structure.

What the hell is wrong with me?


That, like many other miserable people in your same situation, you just don’t want too.


Do you think I'd be stuck like this for 10 years if it was that easy? I have insomnia to prevent me from sticking to a regular work schedule, hell there have been large periods in my life where I've slept at random times, never knowing what time I'd sleep the next day. The longest I've been able to stick to a sleep schedule over the past 10 years was a month, and I didn't even really get it right, I just managed to stay within like a 6 hour range.

What's more I have some weird heel problems, if I stand for just 5 minutes I get pain, the longer I stand the more painful it gets, so any standing job is impossible for me. I've seen doctors over this, they just drop me the typical heel spur or plantar fasciitis treatment plans, I try them for a couple of months, nothing changes.

I also never finished college, I'm a dropout man (main reason is the insomnia, also apathy, I just didn't feel like finishing it, wasn't motivated enough to do it.).

Tell me, where do I find a job I can do sitting all day at irregular hours? And what are the chances I can get it without college level education?

Lastly though, where does this even get me? If I get a low wage job that's paying less than welfare, it's gonna leave me in the exact same situation, I'll just have 4-8 hours shaved off my day but the rest would remain the same. Even if I get a job that pays double or triple what welfare gives me, my situation wouldn't change by much, I'd just have more money to spend on my misery. You seriously expect me to take a leap of faith, quit welfare and get a low paying job just like that? When 10 years of browsing through self help advice has gotten me absolutely nothing? I have no reason to believe it would help even if I could hold a job, logically speaking it would only reduce the amount of free time I have, which is something I can afford of course, but I'm not getting anything in return here. Structure? Whose structure? My jobs structure? How the hell would that benefit me in my free time? How would that help me work on any projects when the job has nothing to do with them?

Moreover what if it fails? What if I can't hold a job like I couldn't stay in school? Where does that leave me? (With nothing, on the streets is where)
rabcor
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:31 pm
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jan 04, 2020 2:27 am

What do people in other, less fortunate countries, do without a college education, insomnia, and heel problems? They just die? No.

I can think of an entire category of jobs that pays decent that isn’t restricted by the above issues. Transportation.

Where does it get you? Out of your miserable mental prison.
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10904
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1131

#4

Postby tokeless » Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:20 am

Do you think I'd be stuck like this for 10 years if it was that easy? I have insomnia to prevent me from sticking to a regular work schedule, hell there have been large periods in my life where I've slept at random times, never knowing what time I'd sleep the next day. The longest I've been able to stick to a sleep schedule over the past 10 years was a month, and I didn't even really get it right, I just managed to stay within like a 6 hour range.

What's more I have some weird heel problems, if I stand for just 5 minutes I get pain, the longer I stand the more painful it gets, so any standing job is impossible for me. I've seen doctors over this, they just drop me the typical heel spur or plantar fasciitis treatment plans, I try them for a couple of months, nothing changes.

I also never finished college, I'm a dropout man (main reason is the insomnia, also apathy, I just didn't feel like finishing it, wasn't motivated enough to do it.).

Tell me, where do I find a job I can do sitting all day at irregular hours? And what are the chances I can get it without college level education?

Lastly though, where does this even get me? If I get a low wage job that's paying less than welfare, it's gonna leave me in the exact same situation, I'll just have 4-8 hours shaved off my day but the rest would remain the same. Even if I get a job that pays double or triple what welfare gives me, my situation wouldn't change by much, I'd just have more money to spend on my misery. You seriously expect me to take a leap of faith, quit welfare and get a low paying job just like that? When 10 years of browsing through self help advice has gotten me absolutely nothing? I have no reason to believe it would help even if I could hold a job, logically speaking it would only reduce the amount of free time I have, which is something I can afford of course, but I'm not getting anything in return here. Structure? Whose structure? My jobs structure? How the hell would that benefit me in my free time? How would that help me work on any projects when the job has nothing to do with them?

Moreover what if it fails? What if I can't hold a job like I couldn't stay in school? Where does that leave me? (With nothing, on the streets is where)[/quote]

Stop wallowing in your own misery. Yeah, it's not easy, yeah it's hard, yeah it takes effort, yeah, yeah.. A job/voluntary or some activity with other people gives you a purpose, a reason to get up and out there. You mix with others and it's like a chain reaction if you put in the effort. It sounds like you're waiting for someone to fix your problem and only you can by making the effort. Nobodies gonna rescue you when you can do that yourself, with effort and determination.
Best wishes
tokeless
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2156
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 5:17 pm
Likes Received: 288



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Psychology