Please help...Weed PAWS or something worse?

[Unususal]

Hello everyone!
It has been 6 months since I stopped smoking and started to experience PAWS.
I am coming back in order to report on my current state and give you hope regarding your healing.
I was in a really really bad place in the beginning of 2020.
Horrible instrusive thoughts, fears of beign seriously ill, paranoid, insomnia...
I was so scared that something is seriously wrong with me that I paid an expert to undertake a schizophrenia test.
The results assured me that I am not ill and that I just have to take my time to heal.
I also started going to a psychologist.
In the beginning she was totally dismissing the possibility that PAWS is causing my issues.
Last week she actually told me that I should stop visiting her and that she is now considering the possibility that my condition was caused by a hormonal disbalance in my brain, cause she could not find any other issues during the 4-5 months of treatment.
Today I feel almost completely healed..sometimes I still get racing thoughts and start to worry, but way less than before.
Still going to the gym..still taking care of my diet, but I also started partying and drinking again.
Nothing too hard..but a few drinks with friends did not trigger paws.
I actually feel better than I felt while smoking pot and i think it is due to the training and healthy diet.
I started to bulk up and friends are commenting that I look way better than before
I hope my sleep will also continue to improve.
There are still nights were I only get 5 hours or less, but most nights I am sleeping 7-8 hours.
Another good thing is that nightmares are completely gone.
I didnt smoke since I ve started to experience paws and probably never will...
I am still around the same friends that are regular smokers, but I really dont care.
I am way more productive without it and honestly not feeling the need to smoke.
Dont know what I would do without this forum..It really helped during the difficult times.
Hope I can give back by posting from time to time.
Please write/comment...it really helped me during hard times..
Stay strong everyone

[aHairOnStanleysHead]

Hey unusual, glad you're doing better. It gives me hope. I'm just over 70 days and have had alot of the same symptoms you have..started with intrusive thoughts, panicking about those thoughts, insane anxiety, fear/obsession about if I'm becoming schizophrenic, etc. I just had a meeting with a clinical psychologist this week and they assured me I'm not schizophrenic or in the first stages of it, but my fear still plays games with me. I asked them to give me the actual test just for some piece of mind, so I'm waiting for that. I was just wondering if when you were worried about this, did the anxiety and worry and anticipation of schizophrenia start to make you think you were seeing things? I'm not having hallucinations, but it's like my senses are very heightened now and I see things move in the corners of my eyes and stuff like that. Then I panic and it gets worse. Now that I think of it all the time, it's like the more aware I've become about checking my surroundings and everything..I'm also noticing for the first time visual snow and every now and then I see little black dots in my peripherals as well. Idk if that has to do with the visual snow or not but obviously my mind assumes the worst. Sleep has been disturbed lately too..it's like when I'm half awake and half asleep and just about to start dreaming, I will hear something like a voice or a phone ringing or something and jerk awake in a panic. I can tell it's in my dream state but it seems so real. I believe it's called hypnogogia. Did you experience any of this weird visual or dream stuff?

[aHairOnStanleysHead]

Unusual just checking in are you still improving? Hope to hear from you

[Unususal]

Unusual just checking in are you still improving? Hope to hear from you

Hello "aHairOnStanleysHead"...
Sorry that I am answering this late.
I left the forum for a few months, since I was feeling that even reading stories, brings me back to the horrors from the beginning of the year...but I also promised to myself that I will try to help others on this forum, cause it was a lifesaver for me.
I am doing much better, but I still have some PAWS symphtoms from time to time.
Just worrying and intrusive thoughts...
However I feel much better then I did in the first 3 months of 2020.
I had the same symphtoms..constantly overanalyzing my enviroment into every lil detail and beign oversensitive to every sound or movement.
If the doctors say you are fine..than there is no reason not to believe them.
Try to keep a healthy diet, get enough sleep and work out.

How are you doing now?

There is no magic bullet for paws, but i promise you will get better...

[aHairOnStanleysHead]

Thanks for your reply, I can understand why you would want to remove yourself from these forums for a while to get on with your life. I am doing much better than when I last posted, the anxiety has gone down quite a bit. I thought I was actually losing my mind for a long time, it was horrible. The anxiety that those fears created on top of the paws anxiety made my life hell. I still get intrusive thoughts from time to time, but can ignore them easier. The only thing really bugging me is that I have bad dreams most nights and wake up several times each night. My dreams are always filled with anxiety like being chased and other "problematic" things. I'm at just around 6 months now, I'm hoping that as time goes on it gets better. I've been exercising more and trying to eat better, but I feel that time is going to be the only remedy. I really really hope that since I've seen so many similar stories, it was just our brains getting thrown into overdrive after quitting, and not a serious mental disorder. I don't so much fear schizophrenia per se, but fear "losing control" and harming my family. Because it started with harm intrusive thoughts. So I guess my main fear is psychosis, not schizophrenia. If I start to think too much about it or read about it, I can feel the anxiety creep in. So I try to just live my life and not think about it. Glad to hear you're doing better

[Unususal]

I know the feeling.
I had the same terrible thoughts and was always on the edge of a panic attack, cause I thought I am loosing control.
The feeling was horrible...There is nothing more scary than feeling like you are gonna hurt your loved ones..
I actually had a few harm thoughts yesterday and today, followed by mild anxiety...
It was the first wave in months and it was def less terrible then in the beginning.
It has been a lil bit over 10 months since I ve quit and I really hope that I am going to be at a 100% at the 1 year mark.
I mean most of the days I am back to a 100%, but I hope I can kick paws completely...
What are your other symphtoms / fears?
You can also send me a private msg if you feel more comfortable.
Stay strong brother...

[aHairOnStanleysHead]

My symptoms at first were horrible:
Anxiety, panic attacks, horrible intrusive thoughts, constantly worrying about losing control, obsessing over mental illness, reading online constantly about it, becoming hyper aware of my surroundings, checking to make sure everything I saw and heard wasn't a hallucination. That kind of went away. Then it was blurry vision, sometimes seeing stars, increased eye floaters. Also trouble sleeping, falling asleep, staying asleep, horrible nightmares for a while..at its worst the stress was really getting to me, I felt so horrible all the time. Loss of motivation, loss of interest in things I liked, feeling emotionless some days. Alot of that stuff went away, now it's mostly just occasional intrusive thoughts, general anxiety at a lower level, bad dreams and trouble staying asleep.

[Unususal]

How are you feeling aHairOnStanleysHead?
It is strange..i had what seemed like the start of another paws wave last monday.
I was actually almost paws free the last few months..havent been this bad since like 7-8 months.
Then on tuesday i got fever and got covid tested.
Later that day i got the positive test back.
I have covid but really mild symptoms..what worries me is that my instrusive thoughts returned.
Not as intense as before, but still strong and bringing some anxiety.
Now I feel really down cause I was sure I defeated this ugly thing..and now it seems like its back.
Just wanted to check on you...just to get a dose of courage and hope to continue...
Stay strong everyone..

[aHairOnStanleysHead]

That sucks I'm sorry to hear that you got covid and that your intrusive thoughts returned. Maybe the stress of the covid thing is just causing a general anxiety and in the back of your mind you're hoping the thoughts wouldn't return, so that made them return? Sometimes I find that when I'm hoping it doesn't return, it slowly returns. I have been doing decent lately, I had a rough couple of days last week but the good days are happening more frequently so when things get bad, I just try to remind myself that the good times feel so good and that they will come again. I still have this residual fear of psychosis and "losing control", this harming my loved ones. This fear always seems to be in the back of my mind. If I could somehow get over this fear, I feel like I'd be pretty close to normal again. But sometimes searching to be "normal" causes me extra stress and shame, so I try not to fixate on it too much. Intrusive thoughts really really suck and in the moment they feel so real, but eventually they die down atleast for a little while. So to answer your question, I am pretty good right now and today, so I'm just going to keep taking it day by day. Hope you start to feel better

[Unususal]

You are probably right...
I already feel a lil better.
No wonder the anxiety returned and the tohughts came with it..or the other way around..
I am alone i isolation for the last 8 days and having really a lot of time to think / read / analyze..
I guess i just slipped into the cycle again.
I can leave the house on friday and honestly cant wait to get out and go for a walk and see some friends..hope that the anxiety and thoughts will be again a thing of my past after a few days with friends and family..
Thank you for you post bro..
I am really sure you will get back to a 100% and this thing will be just a nasty memory.