I don't understand how I could have messed myself up so bad... It feels like I've ruined myself.
I would smoke weed every once in a while throughout 2019. Whenever I stopped I felt no particular change. I would stop for a week or two. One time I stopped for a month and felt no withdrawal symptoms.
Nov and Dec I smoked a lot more. I smoked almost everyday. I fell into a hole of depression quickly because I wasn't doing anything else. On the days I didn't smoke I felt like crying and sleep started to feel weird. I would pass out high and forget to brush my teeth.
Then I left for vacation mid December. First I noticed stomach issues, then bronchitis-like symptoms. I took antibiotics. This is when the insomnia started... The insomnia was driving me insane, I had never had insomnia before and I didn't know what was going on. My head felt like it was on fire, completely unable to relax. I would close my eyes and see my dreams but never sleep. I had an auditory hallucination. I would shake, I felt chills. I took stuff for sleep but it didn't make a difference (amitriptalyne once, 2mg lorazepam 4 times).
I was in a constant state of panic. I felt terror. I was disoriented and stupid. I felt like a vegetable. Every minute of existing was a struggle. My doctor had me do xrays, ct scans, blood tests, an electroencephalogram, etc... Everything came back okay... I'm following through with a psychiatrist...
I'm on day 50 now. I think I've been sober for more days than I used weed for those two months of 2019. I still can't sleep properly. I've never had issues with sleep. I can sleep 6-7 hours on a good night, waking up 2-4 times a night, but sometimes I'm back to waking up at 2am and not being able to get back to sleep...
Is this really paws? Can 2 months be enough to cause this sort of reaction?