I have anger and rage issues

Postby Eagle63 » Sun Feb 16, 2020 4:22 am

Hi
I was on this forum 6 years ago when I was quitting cannabis.
I have been on again off again for 6 years. The vast majority being "on".
My cannabis use stifles my anger/rage and actually builds it up. I am on day 11 and I must say I have been touchy, irritable, and outright angry quite a bit.
I have had anger issues as far back as I can remember as a child.
Of interest is the fact that I have Xlinked Ichthyosis. It is a genetic skin disorder that affects one in five or six thousand males. My body does not produce the steroid sulfatase. The result is my skin has no moisture retaining barrier. In addition, the skin builds up and does not shed properly; resulting in scales that look like fish scales.
Major ictchiness and discomfort in low humidity for environments.
Now they are finding out that there is also a brain development problem with the lack of sulfatase. ADHD, anxiety, even psychosis and at the extreme end, schizophrenia.
I was on Ritalin as a child in 1969 or 1970 for hyperactivity and attention deficit. I've also suffer from debilitating anxiety my entire life.
Long story short, life is a freaking struggle. On top of that. I'm 6 ft 8 and weigh about 205 pounds.
I was teased mercilessly as a child , bullied, physically abused, sexually molestation, in addition to all thecabove.
I've been in the psych ward four times. Attempted suicide. DUI. Cannabis addiction since the mid 1980s.
I have never been married and had very few short relationships.
I have social anxiety and body image challenges.
I've never had a career and have a hard time in the work world.
I grew up in the state of Hawaii and it was very challenging being a very tall white guy. Lots of racial prejudice, some physical assaults, and lots of bad juju...
I know I will never be quote-unquote normal human being, but, in the time I have left on this Earth, I want to have a sense of Peace of some kind.
Cannabis was not the cause of my problems, but was definitely and is definitely not the answer. Cannabis is just a plant that wants to happily grow without being bothered, picked, smoked.......I do not have a problem with alcohol or any other drugs thank goodness.
There it is...phew!!!
Hakuna matata
Eagle63
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#1

Postby tpz76 » Sat Apr 18, 2020 10:01 am

I am so very sorry to hear about the issues you are dealing with in your life. I have anger and rage issues myself but for a whole different reason. But after reading about your physical health issues and how they have affected your life, I feel like I should not be angry about anything, but we all have our angry passengers on board with us for whatever reason. I do not wish to compare physical attributes as they are very different, but to give you an idea, I am 5"6" and 270 pounds, I am endomorphic in stature and I am far from "fit". I am essentially an egg on toothpicks, I have "man boobs" which I've been insecure about my whole life, which have caused me to feel anger as to just why I was to look this way. Why I couldn't burn off fat like the other kids growing up. i just don't know, and while I hate it, at age 41, I have still yet to accept it. Sure I can do something about it, but honestly, i won't. So I go on with my life, a short fat man and this is how the world views me, I use drugs and alcohol on a regular basis, it has not really impacted my health all that much, but I do have a nice big hole in my septum from cocaine abuse which I'm not proud of. Does any of this make me angry? Yeah everyday... I am angry cause I'm fat and I can't shake the habits that ive acquired. While my issues don't at all coincide with yours, I can certainly understand your anger issues, feeling different, not normal, getting picked on. I dealt with the same things throughout my childhood, and yes it has contributed to my anger and rage to this day. I say, it's ok to be angry, but you have to know why. Once you know what. it becomes easier to cope with that anger and rage... For me.. I just honestly stopped giving a sh** what people thought about me, and while i'm still not happy with my personal appearance, I find reasons everyday to make myself feel better. What are the things that make you feel good about yourself? What makes you happy? Those are the things I hope you can find.
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#2

Postby MarcosUve » Fri Apr 24, 2020 4:50 pm

Very interesting! thanks!
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