Deja vous all over again

Postby Eagle63 » Sun Feb 16, 2020 4:24 am

I was on this forum 6 years ago when I was quitting cannabis.
I have been on again off again for 6 years. The vast majority being "on".
My cannabis use stifles my anger/rage and actually builds it up. I am on day 11 and I must say I have been touchy, irritable, and outright angry quite a bit.
I have had anger issues as far back as I can remember as a child.
Of interest is the fact that I have Xlinked Ichthyosis. It is a genetic skin disorder that affects one in five or six thousand males. My body does not produce the steroid sulfatase. The result is my skin has no moisture retaining barrier. In addition, the skin builds up and does not shed properly; resulting in scales that look like fish scales.
Major ictchiness and discomfort in low humidity for environments.
Now they are finding out that there is also a brain development problem with the lack of sulfatase. ADHD, anxiety, even psychosis and at the extreme end, schizophrenia.
I was on Ritalin as a child in 1969 or 1970 for hyperactivity and attention deficit. I've also suffer from debilitating anxiety my entire life.
Long story short, life is a freaking struggle. On top of that. I'm 6 ft 8 and weigh about 205 pounds.
I was teased mercilessly as a child , bullied, physically abused, sexually molestation, in addition to all thecabove.
I've been in the psych ward four times. Attempted suicide. DUI. Cannabis addiction since the mid 1980s.
I have never been married and had very few short relationships.
I have social anxiety and body image challenges.
I've never had a career and have a hard time in the work world.
I grew up in the state of Hawaii and it was very challenging being a very tall white guy. Lots of racial prejudice, some physical assaults, and lots of bad juju...
I know I will never be quote-unquote normal human being, but, in the time I have left on this Earth, I want to have a sense of Peace of some kind.
Cannabis was not the cause of my problems, but was definitely and is definitely not the answer. Cannabis is just a plant that wants to happily grow without being bothered, picked, smoked.......I do not have a problem with alcohol or any other drugs thank goodness.
There it is...phew!!!
Hakuna matata
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