Sister in Law Drama

Postby CandyApples » Wed Feb 19, 2020 1:24 pm

So I'm trying to save you from reading a novel. I will address that yes, there are so many underlyning issues within this matter, its not just the topic at hand, however the topic at hand is what caused a huge arguement with my husband and I yesturday. Ill try to be to the point, my husbands brother is 4 years younger than us, no kids, divorced and with a girl for 3 years now, so I guess that makes her a in law of sorts...these people are very hmm.."their poop doesnt stink" kinda type and love to travel and go out every single weekend. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, we have a kid. EVERYONE knows we are introverted, like to keep a small circle and do not like going out to do "typical" night life things..all..the freakin time. Everyone also knows that my husband at one point was sooo introverted he had a hard time even going out to dinner with me, let alone anything else...ever. Fast forward--to having a kid, everyone knows you focus becomes on the kid and your hanging out time dwindles or is hindered. Fast forward to my newest sister in law....she had us going out with her and her bf every weekend almost...doing things that only they liked..not me...her excuse was "its for the boys". Everytime she made a plan, it was geared toward them as i sat on the back burner. She then asked me to host her boyfriends birthday at my house, as I "had to go with her" to help pick out decor (for 8 hours straight and of her asking my opinion then shooting it down) just for the day to come, and I wasnt "allowed" to watch them hit the pinta (grown adults)...its "for the boys" she says. Christmas comes, she asks that I host christmas at my house (as the normal familys we go to was out of town)...I said ok sure but (keep in mind it was the anniversy of my dads death on that day and I was inbetween jobs etc, didnt have much money etc)...I told her this...and she ignores it pulling up exlaborate decorations and food dishes and wanting to drive all the way from 2 towns over to help pick out christmas napkins!!! (its not hard -green or red...) but I did anyways to which I just sat there as she said no to my ideas and picked them out herself. Anyways, I explained to her she can do what she wants for the party, I have a budget and emotionally Im not ready to be all christmas princess with this small party just for family. She then asks to bring her friends to my house, inwhich both my husband and I were like..uhm we dont know them we rather keep it just family..etc" anyways...day shes suppose to show to help me decorate (her idea not mine I can hang up decor on my own just fine) she doesnt show, and texts me with bs about why shes mad Im not allowing her friends into my home and why Im not doing things her way. STRIKE 1 I note. She then apologizes after a huge fight between the brothers and says she didnt know it was the day my dad died...BS...and still didnt see why she couldnt have her friends over. Anyways...since then after we both telling them hey we work, hey we have a kid, hey we dont want to go partying, etc, etc....they book a ticket for my husband to go to a show a few cities over until 2am.....and exclude me. I was pissed and I said so. I said Im sick of her telling me "ohh your my sister, ohh we gotta do family things" ( did I mention she wants to do a friendsgiving? who the hell does that..btw..just her friends and her husbands mind you)...so she plays "family" when it suits her, and then when she makes plans it purposly excludes me..every single time...then ends up her, her bf and my husband..and now her friends...as "its for the boys".. MIND YOU she wants to dye her hair like mine ( I have funky colors) and I wear dino print alot, I love dinos...and guess who started to wear dinos.....her...like as I said theres sooo much more to this, but Id be here forever....my point is am i crazy??? I told my husband I said look we need to act as a united front...first off..if we do things with them, its as a couple, not me in the corner (atleast not all the time, but if your gonna have guy time, go for it..but that means guy time, not all the guys, then her, exclude anyone else)...I said we barely even do things together bc you work all the time...so when we have a free day Id like to start doing things for us, not just go out bc it was their idea.....I duno...advice needed.
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#1

Postby CandyApples » Wed Feb 19, 2020 2:02 pm

And its not just the sis in law, its my husbands brother that is like the breeding ground for all this to happen. How many times do you have to set boundaries? I just treat ppl how I want to be treated. If I have to bend and kiss your rear and mind my manners and never ever exclude you as a couple...pls dont do that to me is all I ask. A simple "hey you wanna join" goes a long way....even if I cant. A simple "oh ya you have a kid" is the same thing as us being forced to understand "oh ya you have dogs" so you cant do xyz...as you say..... so its just...do to otheres what you want done to you is all Im sayin
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#2

Postby Candid » Sat Feb 22, 2020 8:51 am

CandyApples wrote:And its not just the sis in law, its my husbands brother that is like the breeding ground for all this to happen.


Is there anyone you do like? If so, stick with them. If not... maybe the problem is you. Just a thought.
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#3

Postby CandyApples » Sun Feb 23, 2020 2:51 am

Yes, thank you I think sometimes you and I are at a miss with eachother, but its hard to filter in text mode, I understand. Honestly there were alot of ppl I liked, not so much anymore. I do "like" some people now, but not enough to want them in my life as deeply. I do desire every much to like someone on that level, just find it very hard to get to that point lately. So I guess the answer would be no? I duno. Is the problem me? Im sure it is, just not 100 percent. I look at it like a picky eater who keeps getting served the same dish that well frankly, doesnt appeal. Options are narrow, but there are options, I just dont seem to be getting to chose those options which is causing me distress at the moment. Do I need work on my coping skills? most definitely! I think in order to help myself, environment is very much key, and right now..I do not have much of a choice in certain people par taking in that environment. As of yesterday I made a deal with myself to actively try not to react as intense, try to control how i feel more than they do, and focus on stopping and smelling the roses.. thats step 1. Step 2 will be to stand my ground but do so without reaction and as far as my husband, as long as he is happy...Im happy. If we are not as active together as I'd like, I need to just figure something else out then bc all this anger I feel, isnt working.
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