OCD,Traumatised after seeing child porn ad on pornsite

Postby Verocnica123 » Fri Mar 20, 2020 6:32 pm

Hello,
I am a 19 year old girl and my family has an history of OCD. I have inherited of a form of OCD known as POCD. "Pedophilia OCD, or POCD, is a subset of OCD in which a sufferer has unwanted harmful or sexual thoughts about children. This subtype often results in panic, anguish, shame and depression. People living with POCD have no desire to harm a child, yet they’re tormented by thoughts of doing so."

Because my family can understand my struggle, even tho they never had that type of OCD, I have talk to them about it and they have help me get through my darkest times. The reason why I have that is because I think that childhood is the most important phase of our life. Therefor, I am disgusted by paedophile and my greatest fear is becoming one.

I needed to introduce my mental health so you can really understand my distress. Recently, I have been doing better than ever. I was a bit bored with life since quarantine so I decided to go watch some good old normal (not child) porn. I ended up youporn and as I was scrolling down I think I saw a child pornography ad. I say, " I think " because I have began to doubt myself since I could find any other person on forums that have seen the same thing on pornsites and that reported it. Also, as soon as I saw the ad, I closed my tab, it was so fast that maybe my eyes tricked me because I was scared of seeing such a thing. But I can’t help but think that it was real and since then I can’t stop crying. I feel an enormous amount of guilt for whatever reason, like I could have done something. I don’t want to tell my mother about it because, first, talking about porn with your parents is a bit embarrassing, and second, she is really sensitive too.

In short, I fear that I am traumatized because I noticed that. Giving my disorder, it was the last thing in the world that I wished to see. I wonder if I am the only one that saw that and if it is even possible. I also want to know if there is a way to recover from all of this because right now, my head is in a really dark place.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Mar 21, 2020 1:24 am

You are 19 year old adult woman.

-1- Go talk to your mother. Talk to your family. Seek their help and therapy.

-2- Stay off the Internet. Learn to disconnect. The Internet allows you to avoid dealing with your OCD and other issues.

If the mere possibility that you might have seen something causes you “trauma”, how do you plan to deal with issues that are actual problems in life? How do you plan to deal with the day when you parents get sick and need your help? How do you plan to be an adult that participates in your community, helping others to grow the community?

You do realize that there are people under quarantine dealing with not enough ICU beds, right? You do realize that hundreds of thousands of people have been infected and there are 10,000 families grieving currently? And your big issue on quarantine is that you might possibly have seen an image that you don’t even know is real? That’s your big “trauma”?

I realize that there is a theory out there that whatever a person’s personal “trauma”, that it should not be minimized. I hear that speech every now and again. But, I have a different theory. I think feeding you bs that recognizes whatever feelings you are experiencing as a “trauma” is hogwash. It does no good to legitimize what you experienced as some awful trauma when there are real traumas that one day you will have to face.

Again...you are an adult, not a girl. Go to family and discuss the issue. I do not care if it is “embarrassing”. Face your embarrassment. Be honest with your family. That is what adults do.
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#2

Postby Candid » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:10 pm

I'm now officially taking a stand on the matter of people saying or writing trauma when they mean drama.

Here's what trauma means: https://integratedlistening.com/what-is-trauma/

Thinking you might have seen something, which if you had seen it would probably have upset you, barely even qualifies as drama... https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/drama

... except to someone whose life is entirely composed of pettiness, celebrity gossip and cheap soap opera, that is.
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