What goes up, must come down


Postby CandyApples » Mon Apr 13, 2020 6:05 pm

Hi Candid,
Im sorry to hear you miss your father as well. I know times such as this probably bring up emotions for both you and I, as it seems the fathers in our lives, were the only sense of normal? ( I get this bc of the relationship you mentioned with your mom, and the loaded gun with mine ha)...and I see we both have issues with our husbands. Not to say we dont love them, not to say there isn't a million things they do that are wonderful, but the fact we realize there is a difference between "him and I' that....is odd to us. Do you ever think about how your need for space, affects him, where he sounds like he wants a little more of you? Whats it like on the other side of things???

I think at this point I give up trying to explain my situation, and that's ok. Tokeless, I appreciate your input and in a lot of ways you are correct with your comparison to your mom and I. It is how I felt for a very long time. A Richard mentioned, there are good things about my husband, inwhich I didn't mention, bc after all, when one has a issue, they tend to mention the issue or problem, verses the good things (otherwise you all would be reading 10 pages for 1 post for me ha)....but I will say this. There was a time I did think, move, the kiddo will adapt, lets move --and I did. A few times. But, I ended up back here, and this is where I want to be. Its not like my husband was a ghost for 14 years and my dad was everything. My dad...on a side note, would be everything even if I married the most perfect man in the world, but what Im saying is..husband was attentive for a bit, then what changed is when he got his own business and kinda didn't rely on me anymore...then .got consumed in it. when he does something, it consumes him weather its work or video games. Like all marriages, there are things ppl just let fly, bc nothing is perfect. I let things I mentioned fly for a while bc of my dad, my dad was there so it was like, it didn't sting as much. Did I remind my husband each day of certain things, yes...but I wasn't getting anywhere. So anyways dad died, I gave a ultimatum bc I was feeling my own mortality, etc, etc and was like either we are in this marriage and here's what I expect ( and he named whats he expected) or we both walk and co parent as friends. we BOTH decided to keep the marriage after hours and hours of talk on expectations, feelings, growth, etc.....sooooooooo that's where Im at. He has gotten way way better, and I know how I feel inside isn't 100 about him, but I duno....I can do nothing but state the same thing I keep saying, I think even a toddler knows when someone it loves is sad, you go to comfort it. Animals even know that. I find no excuse, 14 years of me not totally demanding it or not, I find no excuse for it not to even be a thought in someones head. After all, he expects me to react to things that I haven't had to react to in 14 years, such as all his new found ideals of social stuff....but at this point I kinda give up explaining on here and appreciate all the feed back I got. I will continue with my marriage bc do love him, and there are times (like the other day) where I felt -truly felt he loved me----but he is someone who can just cut you off in a instant...maybe that's what I fear, after all, when you blink and the one you love (can be anyone you love) is gone......its a bad bad feeling. Anyways...Candid, do you feel your husband is someone you can grow old with happily? How do you view relationships now, after what you been through, Tokeless?

Richard,all I can say is thank you and too bad we all cant meet in a circle and do this face to face. There is too much to put into words which is partly why I think I dont understand your view and vise versa. We all must ask ourselves, and I think we do, why we "allow" the things we all have been through, that arent perfect....we all do things to where others looking in would be like "why" ...and to me that is life. With that said, I duno I just feel at any point in life, people have the ability to learn and grow and move.....progress.....almost to a black and white...progress or regress....and I expect progress...and I get that, then it regresses...then 3 steps head, 2 steps back. Its the 2 steps back that I do not understand. Its ok though. Bigger fish to fry. I hope everyone is staying healthy.

ps. Candid do you think things you have been though, things Ive been through--come out in our views of how we are allowed to love and view love? Is there a form of cynicalness, hardness that makes things that much more complicated?
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