Obsessed with my sexfriend... Help!

Postby MoodyNights » Tue Apr 28, 2020 12:30 am

Hello there,

This is my first post ever on this forum and here's my story:
I've been seeing this man for a few months now. He's a friend who I always had a thing for but I never had the guts to tell him about my feelings. One day and totally out of the blue he made sexual advances to me and I accepted his terms: no love relationship, only sex, no couple-like activities whatsoever and when one of us finds a new partner, everything will be over (we're both single now).

It should be all fun and hot sex but the problem is that I am totally in love/obsessed with this guy. I can't function properly anymore, I'm just waiting for his calls/messages... I spend countless sleepless nights, I can cry for hours thinking of him/my love for him, I can't eat anymore (or just very small amounts of food), sometimes I drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes to ease my pain and feelings of anxiety (I usually experience physical heartache, i.e. I have this weird feeling something is eating my heart away and it can be very oppressive at times), I have increasing difficulties performing the smallest tasks at home, and I'm always anticipating the day he will tell me he met someone that he's in love with and everything is over... I'm literaly freaking out at the thought and sometimes I feel like I'm becoming totally crazy. When I anticipate that day I literaly feel feverish and dizzy and angry at the girl who will have the luck to be loved by this wonderful man :cry:

For the time being I don't think I would be able to cope if he happens to reject me, I just want to be with him all the time even if I know he doesn't love me back... I would do anything for this guy and to make him happy, even if I know I'm being totally masochist :roll:

Today I was such on edge that I called the Samaritans helpline and had a one-hour chat with a lovely elderly lady who advised me to talk to people and write as much as possible about my feelings and that it would eventually help me or at least ease my pain. She was really sorry for me but she couldn't do much apart from listening (which is already a great thing and eased my distress a bit).

I feel totally lost and lonely... Please help :cry:
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Apr 28, 2020 5:12 am

MoodyNights wrote: For the time being I don't think I would be able to cope if he happens to reject me

Try to reframe what is going on. He has already rejected you. You are "in love" not with the actual person, but the mental fantasy of who you wish this man would become. He is not your fantasy.

What you are experiencing is not uncommon. People fall "in love" with celebrities based on how they imagine those people are in real life. They get a snapshot of who they really are, tidbits from interviews and they form this love affair with this imagined person.

You take the snapshots of this man, his texts, the time you spend together, his social media info, and put him up on some imaginary pedestal. He isn't that man.

My best advice, start actively searching for a new relationship. You break it off before he does. You explain that you have at least one other guy interested so based on the current agreement the relationship must end. This leaves him with two options:

-1- He tries to modify the agreement he has with you to be exclusive or;
-2- He says fine and moves on, which then confirms he isn't the imaginary guy on the pedestal.
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Postby Heraclitus714 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 3:03 pm

the saying goes he who loves the least is loved the most.walk away from this relationship....you seem to have a submissive side do not explore this with a hurtful man.find someone who is kind but knows enough about relationships and sex to roll play with you .your infatuation seems to be more about your physical excitement than him as a person ..want to hook him turn the table and be master you will hook or he will run .hold on to your self worth and enjoy
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