21 months: meditation benefits

Postby Cthompson21 » Tue Apr 28, 2020 3:54 pm

As many of you may know, I've been on here for a while struggling. I have a back story and its been a long haul, please look at previous threads if curious. Its almost been 2 years since I have struggled with weed PAWS. I believe I have made some progress. The main problem I have is anxiety, followed close behind by insomnia. I have been meditating daily for the past couple weeks and I have seen a noticable difference with my anxiety levels. I originally thought that anxiety would fade on it's own, but it has been noticeably worse since the pandemic started, and I became depressed thinking I'll NEVER be normal, I'll never have a normal life and career with this anxiety hanging over my head with the setback, and this in turn motivated me.to try meditation (I tried it in the beginning with some degree of success). Now I do it every day and notice my thoughts are less intrusive and I can control how I react to situations and negative people. It is not perfect, I still get the anxiety if I skip it in the morning, but I look forward to more progress. I enjoy the feeling of being more spontaneous again when talking to people, something that hasn't happened since I have had the weed PAWS. When the anxiety strikes I feel like I'm slogging through mud to get my thoughts in order to express them clearly. Now with meditation I can say what's on my mind without worrying too much, and think more clearly as well. Coupled with exercise i feel even better!

I wonder if now what I have is no longer PAWS per se but just a plain old anxiety disorder. The DR/DP I got strongly in the beginning, where I felt my vision go awry and like I was looking through a dream--a scary one at that--is almost completely gone. Brain zaps I would get are no longer present, though they do come up rarely. Stomach cramps are less, and my nightmares, though still bad some nights, do not occur every single night like they would. ( I remember I woke up screaming a couple times in the beginning, because I thought I was falling through the floor. Crazy). It might be permanently here to stay, which is frustrating for me since I had PAWS before and thought I was our of the woods and would never have to live like this forever. But who knows. The fact is that with meditation I am able to manage my symptoms a lot more. And in a few months I will be at 2 years. Wow! Cant believe it's been that long already. I am a survivor and have been made stronger by all of this and will post an update when I hit that marker, and pop open a bottle of non alcoholic champagne lol.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Apr 29, 2020 6:39 am

Cthompson21 wrote:I wonder if now what I have is no longer PAWS per se but just a plain old anxiety disorder.

I would go with plain old anxiety disorder.

Try not to connect symptoms you experience today, e.g. pandemic induced anxiety or insomnia as being caused by an old injury two years in the past. The actual causes of your symptoms today are most likely from other factors.

In addition, using anxiety order it is specific enough that you can use target treatments, e.g. meditation. It is something within your direct control which probably feels pretty good.

If you instead focus on the fear that an internal wound from two years ago still hasn’t fully healed, that is not within your direct control and that belief becomes a self fulfilling path to anxiety and insomnia.

Focus on meditation and the present, practice mindfulness and I bet you will feel much better much faster.
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Postby SparkleFly12 » Thu Apr 30, 2020 3:12 pm

I have heard wonders about meditation as well; and I an going to start trying it. I started smoking to help with anxiety and sleep, both things that meditation can supposedly help with; and meditation doesnt have the side effects and PAWS when you stop.

I too feel more anxious these days; could be from the pandemic, but I do not think my anxiety now is related to paws (14 momnths clean); I was anxious before i started smoking and this is probably my normal anxiety level.
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Postby Cthompson21 » Fri May 01, 2020 2:10 am

@Richard thanks for your input, yes probably have to go with anxiety disorder.

@SparkleFly Yeah try it! It will help. I always had anxiety too. It was just never insane like it is now, I do think I have periods where I'm at my "baseline" and then events make it flare up and I feel like I'm in panic mode. I would always have anxiety. But not with the constant feeling of panic. I think it has something to do with chemical imbalance.
Antidepressants used to work like a charm, now they make me feel mentally ill Also my sleep has never fully recovered. How is your recovery going?
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