My what n whys

Postby Kayteeh » Sat May 09, 2020 11:02 pm

Hi guys. Joined this site to get experts advice and explanation about certain mix of things that bothers me.
Some weeks ago I kinda feel frustrated desperate and a bit bored so I've decided to join an online dating website. There I meet an interesting guy. I started the talk about the quarantine. He mentioned he was bored thats why he joined the dating site too. We talked and we shared things about ourselves. He was a Texan guy and I was Asian. Surely culture difference played a part on some happenings perhaps? He said he was working in a school, more like of a senior teacher as hes in the industry for 14 years and just break up with his gf pretty recent. He said he was in a LDR relationship for 4 years and about to get married with the girl but it didnt happen because the girl want a child after the marriage and he wanted too but after 2 or 3 years meaning not after marriage as he was not yet prepared but the gf wanted one so she decided to break up with him. He is somewhat romantic he sends short video clips of him singing a stanza of romantic song and he also sends a video of him playing piano and says that he is sending it to share his hobbies which are singing dancing and playing piano. This guy talks in a decent way on our conversations so I kinda believe when he says he was a teacher. Our first talk ended well. However on our second talk I couldnt help but accused him. I asked for his social media account like FB but he says he only just made one for the girls that he is talking to from the dating site as all his social media accounts he deleted to escaped from everyone when he and his gf broke up. I asked to the point of kinda accusing him that he is a poser. And he said think what you want but ive never been called a poser before so im taken aback. I did not responded as I dont know if i should still be even talking to him. But the next day Ive decided to send me some of my face photos as Ive promised to him yesterday and told him that on second thought he never said that he was interested or like me so him being a poser is not something that I should be worried about. Then he said he wouldnt even be talking to me if hes not interested as hes not a fan of wasting time. So we continued talking the third time. I thought I'll take the chances and its okay since its nothing so serious yet maybe someday he can tell me more.? But then on the 3rd time he demanded a whole body pic at first he suggested a pic wearing a swimsuit then when i said must i wear a swimsuit he said tank top n shorts will do looking for a potential partner here need to see. I said im gonna send it to him whenever i feel like it and all he said was Jesus ur something else and sent his shirtless photos. I said so now you're religious and he said that he was a non denominational Christian but did not mention the name of his sect.I sent a body pic in swimsuit from internet which he recognized and he demanded again a picture. im not even sure if hes a fake account ive tried to check using his name n number but i didnt find any info except that the location he claim is correct per area code of his number. I got annoyed over the fact that I thought he was a decent guy but it turned out that he was also like other men that are perv by asking a swimsuit photo. i've asked if he was looking for a sexmate and other stuff relating to what a perv wants which he denied. I thought his reason can also be a reasonable reason somehow so I thought im should send one. I've lost patience because he keep on demanding but that day I have work (work from home) and I dont think I have latest whole body pic which means Ill have to take a picture and lots of preparation for me as Im vain when it comes to photos that will be seen by other people and because I wasnt really actually photogenic. So it surely will take time and Im thinking I can do that only on my off. So Ive said that I'' be sending him a whole body pic in a week but im wearing decent clothes. He said a week? wow...never in my life...and ive said oh why do girls rush up in sending u their pics always? isnt that saddd? then he said youre an interesting person this is gonna be a long week. and we both know that we are talking to a lot of people from the dating site so I jokingly told him to play with his other playmates and ill get back to him in a week. and he said he wont hold his breath which i replied good coz u will die if u do so. After a week I get back to him and apologize for the words I've said due to my annoyment (perv accusations included lol) and he said it was ok and appreciate my apologies and then I've sent my whole body pic which im wearing t shirt and short in short decent looking clothes. He asked how was my dating experience and I told him I did some elimination round as I have red flags which I did not told him in detail. After that he expressed that hed rejected me and offer friendship. He didnt say why. I dont know what happened there. Is making him wait for a week plays a part in his decision? Does he think I wasnt interested anymore in him?I just got confuse because he doesnt talk the way other pervs do he seems decent the way he talks. But I didnt accept the friendzone because i think its a sweet torture for me so we wrap up fast and i was left wondering and feeling mixed emotions. The next day I felt like I have a lot of baggage that I needed to tell him to be able to move on fast. So I've confessed to him what I felt for him that he was the guy that I like the most among my options. And he said i think i know the real reason you see guys are actively pursuing you and thats boring for you. I explained to him that i dont even entertain them all and stuff but same as what i was expecting i was still rejected and he said he dont see us romantically connecting. but i still didnt accept the friendzone that he offered.

My questions are:

What type of personality does this guy possess? Is he really a playboy, pervert and or?
What is his reason for offering me a friendzone?
Why did the guy said "you see guys are actively pursuing you and thats boring for you" and what was he thinking when he said that? does that play an important role in his final decision making of rejecting me? did he fear pursuing becoz of this thoughts? why did he even mentioned it though he rejected me already is he trying to imply something or get an explanation from something?

I would love to know your thoughts about what happened on this situation and what kind of guy I've encountered and his personality. I just want to know so that I know what to do next time if ever this happens again.

Hope to hear from people here. Thanks
Kayteeh
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 10, 2020 2:01 am

Kayteeh wrote:My questions are:

What type of personality does this guy possess? Is he really a playboy, pervert and or?
What is his reason for offering me a friendzone?
Why did the guy said "you see guys are actively pursuing you and thats boring for you" and what was he thinking when he said that? does that play an important role in his final decision making of rejecting me? did he fear pursuing becoz of this thoughts? why did he even mentioned it though he rejected me already is he trying to imply something or get an explanation from something?


Kayteeh,

Keep in mind that you are asking the wrong questions, but I will still give you an accurate answer. This man is grooming you.

Do you know what grooming is? Grooming is when a person takes small steps to make a person feel comfortable and then they ask for a favor in return. Over time the favors get bigger. The term "grooming" is used most often for cases of an adult that wishes to take advantage of a child, but it can also be an adult grooming another adult.

Many men will aggressively ask for a woman to send a naked picture almost immediately. When the woman says no they move to the next woman. It is a game of numbers. Ask 20 women and one will send a picture. Other men find it more fun to "groom" the woman, starting off sweet and slow and building up to asking for more and more favors.

This man uses women. He wasted 4 years of this other woman's life in a LDR and then breaks it off when she wishes to gain his full commitment and start a family. After 4 years she was sending more than pictures in a swimsuit. He will waste 4 years of your life as well and ask you for many things. He will lead you on and make false promises for as many years as you let him and then he will find an excuse to end the relationship.
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#2

Postby Kayteeh » Sun May 10, 2020 3:54 am

But the guy is 35 yo is that type of guy even going to get married? If so what is the age for those type of men where they will want to get married? He said he was a Christian and a teacher how come the character is like that or are those infos lies? If so why would he even say that when he a good romantic groomer?
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 10, 2020 7:05 am

Kayteeh wrote:But the guy is 35 yo is that type of guy even going to get married? If so what is the age for those type of men where they will want to get married? He said he was a Christian and a teacher how come the character is like that or are those infos lies? If so why would he even say that when he a good romantic groomer?


Kayteeh, what type of man do you want?

YES, men get married at 35. Men get married at all ages.

YES, a man can follow a religion and be a teacher and still be a man that will do all sorts of horrible things in life.

A man can be 35, go to church, be a teacher, and still cheat on their wife, abuse their kids, and be a drug addict.

You are trying to analyze this man. Stop. Analyze yourself. Why chase a man that is already giving you many red flags? Why do you lack the ability to find a man close to where you live? Why are you attracted to a man that obviously has many issues?
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#4

Postby Candid » Sun May 10, 2020 7:06 am

Kayteeh wrote:I just want to know so that I know what to do next time if ever this happens again.


That's an easy one, Kayteeh. There are LOTS of men out there. LOTS. And assuming you want to find the best one for you, as soon as something feels 'off' you stop being available. You choose. You move on.

is that type of guy even going to get married?


That's not your problem, but the answer is probably no.

He said he was a Christian and a teacher how come the character is like that or are those infos lies? If so why would he even say that when he a good romantic groomer?


When men and women first get together they're usually on their best behaviour. They'll say whatever they think the other person wants to hear, highlighting their good points, not mentioning their bad ones, maybe throwing in some lies. Professing religion makes a lot of women feel safe.

The smart thing to do now is to move on to the next contender. It's online, you've lost nothing.

Remember this: you'll get what you settle for. That means, if a man's asking for a naked photo, you say: "Okay, you're out" and don't make contact again.

The higher your standards, the better kind of man you'll attract.
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#5

Postby Kayteeh » Mon May 11, 2020 8:06 am

Ok I understand that he really has a lot of red flags. I've encountered a lot of pervs and playboy and this one is good with grooming. Im still curious why a guy like him would say to someone he rejected "you see guys are actively pursuing you and thats boring for you" and what was he thinking when he said that? i just dont think its necessary for him to say that so im thinking why on earth whyyyy.

I want to have a partner whos decent of course. Im not into playboys but this guy got me. its the first time a playboy got me. youre right Richard@DecisionSkills a guy cant be read and judges accdg to religion or job or status because they tend to do stuff that are not aligned with those. I wanna analyze him so that next time when i encounter a playboy like him whos good in grooming i wont be victimized anymore. its my first time to like a playboy, confess to a guy and second time to like a guy. why its hard for me to find nearby? I work from home. and just that when a girl goes out here its not like in other country that a guy will all of a sudden talk to u to flirt and get ur number and if happens its also kinda scary after all that guy is a total stranger to you right? Ive had some officemates before unfortunately i dont like them yes im choosy i have some unique standards maybe and to add up that im not so sociable and outgoing and im 30 and theres corona so maybe i should really be panicking or something?lol i just tried thinking and hoping maybe theres a bit chance of luck to met someone good in there just you know...why i got attracted to him? probably because hes romantic and the way he tease and hes being playful appeal to me at some point? well i do really ignore men who ask for naked photos and surely never in my life will i ever give such photos to a man and youre so right about this @Candid
"The higher your standards, the better kind of man you'll attract." - totally agree.
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#6

Postby Candid » Mon May 11, 2020 10:58 am

Kayteeh wrote:yes im choosy


GOOD. Stick with that and close your loving heart at the FIRST red flag of any new suitor.

Your instincts tell you true
When he's not the man for you
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#7

Postby Kayteeh » Mon May 11, 2020 2:06 pm

Ok will take ur advice @Candid thanks a lot
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