Dependency

Postby SuperOtaku86 » Mon May 11, 2020 7:54 pm

So, my friend and I have been roleplaying as our own original characters and in that roleplay they are engaged to that character and treating it as though the character is real... My friend also has depression and has become very dependent upon the character... We are currently residing in the same home now due to the pandemic, however prior to the current situation, we lived in different cities and weren't able to see each other very often in person.
This has been going on since last year and I would like some tips in stopping the roleplay, as I think that the roleplay has done more harm than help. They find that they feel more in the fantasy than in real life... They seemed to be distancing themselves from their other friends and family as well...
I would like some tips on how I can stop this behavior before it becomes worse
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 11, 2020 11:11 pm

If you want to stop the roleplay you no longer engage or participate. You stop playing.

You refer to the person by his or her real name. If they say, “We must slay the dragon,” you respond with, “Tom, I’m going to get a cup of coffee from the kitchen.”
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#2

Postby SuperOtaku86 » Mon May 11, 2020 11:18 pm

This roleplay takes place in a messenger and some really personal events have also taken place... It seems that they feel more loved there than in the real world and walk around with the "engagement ring" in the real world... It seems to be taking a toll on their communication with others... Due to their depression, they also have a lack of self worth as well and are so dependent upon the character that they are crying over not being able to see them anymore...
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon May 11, 2020 11:34 pm

Don’t respond or use the messenger.

You are living with this person, right? And you are friends...house mates, right?
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#4

Postby SuperOtaku86 » Tue May 12, 2020 4:21 am

We are residing in the same home, yes
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 12, 2020 5:37 am

Okay, so then that is your role in this person’s life. Your role is friend.

You care about this person, you do not like this person’s behavior as you think it is not healthy, but your position in this person’s life is not parent, caretaker, doctor, therapist, or spouse, correct?

A tough lesson in life is learning when it is our role to try to change how another person behaves or to change what they think. It does not matter if you do not agree or like the behavior of another person.

For example, say this person’s behavior was to eat unhealthy foods. The person is fat. You two use to eat together all the time. Now you feel guilty because you think it is partially your fault. What can you do?

You can stop eating with them, you can stop engaging in activities with them related to food. But you can’t stop them from eating what they want to eat. You can only make suggestions and demonstrate healthy behaviors. You can’t control the other person.

The same as the example, you have limited options. You are a friend. That is your role. Nothing else. As a friend you do not engage in roleplay with them. You don’t participate in messaging. You can suggest they take off the engagement ring. You can tell them you do not wish to play. That is what you can do.
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