Guilt Over childhood experimentation TW

Postby anxiousrone » Sun May 17, 2020 12:31 am

Hello! I have really bad OCD and recently I've started to focus on my sexual childhood. I know it's been mentioned on this board many times, but my is unique as it feels a little more abnormal. I was taken advantage of by a girl 4 or five years older then me when I was five or six. She would perform oral sex on me, and then I on her.

I had some close friends in our neighborhood and I told them about what was happening and they asked me to to what she did to them. With the first friend, I stopped halfway as I felt guilty annd dirty and didn't want to do it anymore. With the second friend, she was a year or two younger, and I think it happened twice with her. The first time is a hazy memory but I'm scared that I made her perform oral sex on me, or maybe I'm confusing it with a different memory I don't really know. The second time it happened with her, I stopped and told her I didn't want to do stuff like this anymore, and then left. With the first friend, I was still friends with her until I moved away. The second friend I never saw again after that since she moved before I talked to her again.

I just have so much anxiety that I could have passed on the abuse I experienced to someone else and pass on my trauma, and made them feel terrible. Or maybe I kickstarted their sexual delinquency and they went on to abuse other kids. I've literally tried to find them on the internet so I can apologize, or know how they're doing. I just feel terrible. I told my psychiatrist this and she said it was normal, but in every study I read, it said genital kissing or oral sex were very uncommon behaviors.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 17, 2020 12:58 am

You were previously banned. Same story, but just changing a few details and claiming you read the previous threads you wrote.

Again, go join a fetish forum.
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#2

Postby anxiousrone » Sun May 17, 2020 1:02 am

@Richard@DecisionSkills Honest to god. I'm a completely different person. I know who you're talking about because I read through their posts while having an anxiety attack earlier. I'm not the same person. My experience involved acting out the sexual aspects I learned from my abuser. And I'm afraid that makes me one too, and that I caused someone else harm.
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#3

Postby anxiousrone » Sun May 17, 2020 1:05 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:You were previously banned. Same story, but just changing a few details and claiming you read the previous threads you wrote.

Again, go join a fetish forum.


I actually came here for help, not to be snarked on by you. My therapist appointment isn't for a while, and I really cant enjoy my life right now.
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 17, 2020 3:55 am

Same advice I provided to you last time, go join a fetish forum. Your fantasies will be welcome there.

And given that you read through the “other persons” posts from last time, then you already have your help. It’s the same advice. Nothing has changed.

Last, your fantasy this time is full of the same holes as with your previous accounts. You don’t know how to think like an actual 5-6 year old. You communicate in your writing as a fetishist, not as a person providing details of a historical event that actually took place.
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#5

Postby anxiousrone » Sun May 17, 2020 8:54 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Same advice I provided to you last time, go join a fetish forum. Your fantasies will be welcome there.

And given that you read through the “other persons” posts from last time, then you already have your help. It’s the same advice. Nothing has changed.

Last, your fantasy this time is full of the same holes as with your previous accounts. You don’t know how to think like an actual 5-6 year old. You communicate in your writing as a fetishist, not as a person providing details of a historical event that actually took place.



Maybe cause I'm not 6 years old anymore?
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 17, 2020 10:17 am

anxiousrone wrote: Maybe cause I'm not 6 years old anymore?


Correct. You’re a grown a$$ adult. Start acting like one. Stop using help forums for your personal fetish fantasies.
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