Attempting to stop

Postby Getafix » Tue May 26, 2020 10:16 am

Hi

I have just joined this forum after reading through so may of the interesting posts and would like to briefly introduce myself.

I would like to quit smoking weed. I won't list the benefits of doing so or all the reasons why smoking is bad for me as that would be repetitive of all of the great content already on this forum.

To give you a bit of context I started smoking weed when I was in my early teens and daily by 16 when I first started working. I have had a couple of breaks over the years (10 months being the longest) but it has otherwise been a part of my life throughout pretty much everything I have ever done. I am now 43 years old so I would say I am closely approaching moving into my 4th decade of smoking.

I am fully aware I have a dependency and where I may have missed opportunities in life due to smoking, I can really relate a lot to so many of the stories I have read on this forum. I am though what would be referred to as a fully functioning stoner. I have a senior position working in computer security, am married for 15 years with a step daughter (now in her 20s), maintain financial stability and live a relatively comfortable life.

In many ways this has created a scenario where I have been comfortable with my own addiction for some time as whilst the common consensus would be it has held me back (a subjective opinion really as it is impossible to quantify the outcomes of decisions I may or may not have made) it has not stopped me from getting to where I am either.

Smoking is very circumstantial for me, business travel for example can see several days off and apart from some restless sleep, I am relatively unaffected by stopping. But put me in virtually any circumstance outside of work or other responsibility and I fall apart without it, I will happily and do smoke all day from the moment I get up, must have plenty of it around the house (the thought of running out spells anxiety!). Outside of work I will avoid driving wherever possible as it requires not being stoned and generally most things that require being sober.

I really want to quit this time for health reasons, smoking with tobacco as I do and the frequency over the years is clearly taking its toll on my lungs and I don't feel as invincible as I did in my 20s and 30s.

For health and all the other benefits detailed in these forums, I am going to give quitting another go, I have been there before and know what to expect and am apprehensive of what is to come. But I thought this time it would be helpful to share my experiences on here with others aiming towards the same common goal. I figured this time round I should try talking to other people with an understanding of what its like to stop smoking weed after a long time and how difficult putting down this plant that for some us can be.


Wish me luck on the journey.

Getafix
Getafix
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue May 26, 2020 8:28 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Tue May 26, 2020 5:42 pm

Wish you well. Having a support group is pillar to beating addiction. This forum and others can be a helpful place. I often stop in when I'm not feeling the best. Let us know if we can help in any way. A place to vent, write, express yourself can help when / if things get difficult.

Also I think you are a badass deciding to quit. Congrats!
PAWSsurvivor
Junior Member
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2020 9:05 pm
Likes Received: 14

#2

Postby tokeless » Tue May 26, 2020 9:03 pm

Well Getafix, you pretty much summed up my story but more articulartly. I waked and baked and a day of doing nothing but smoke weed made me excited. My world was full of smoking friends but smaller in aims or goals in life. I too have done well and achieved a lot and am comfortable in my 50's.
A thing I will always remember is the moment I actually knew why I smoked and the way I did (a lot and daily). The reason was it gave me space. A space to just be me, alone in my own thoughts. I was divorced at this time and even though weed never got in the way generally, it did emotionally.
My reason for stopping never happened consciously, I just did without making a decision at the time. I guess I'd planted seeds in my space moments to ask myself how long would I smoke and would I ever stop? I was now a father and hiding smoking from my son was easy when he was young. I knew he'd get older and harder to hide from. I began to dislike my need to put him to bed so I could have my space time. All of these seeds sprouted at one moment I reckon and bang, i was done. No cravings, some night sweats for a week then done. I don't know how but glad it happened. I would ask yourself that question because you will have your answer. From there plant the seeds/thoughts and accept it is a choice to smoke. Working out why helps make those choices.
Best wishes
tokeless
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2147
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 5:17 pm
Likes Received: 283

#3

Postby Candid » Wed May 27, 2020 7:15 am

tokeless wrote:it gave me space. A space to just be me, alone in my own thoughts.


Thanks for this, tokeless. I think you know weed was a long time ago for me but I have always been addicted to one thing or another. Right now with both my workplace and my writing group being online only, I've gone a bit feral with booze, pills and cigarettes. No one but my husband knows about this and he's something of a robot anyway but at least he gets out almost daily to buy food for us or people we know who can't get out.

When I shut my bedroom door I have that "space just to be me" and tbh it's not a good scene. I either read or write pretty much all day, emerging only to make coffee (am) or get a drink (pm) and pop outside for a smoke. Nights I take pills to sleep and regularly sit up till the wee hours with a book, and smoking in my bedroom.

I guess I'd planted seeds in my space moments to ask myself how long would I smoke and would I ever stop?


Good question! Tell me, were you convinced (as I am) that you could stop any time you chose, but 'this' was not the time?

I don't know how but glad it happened.


Oh bugger. Think, tokeless, think! :D

Getafix, welcome to our forum! I suggest you take note of what tokeless says, because he knows what he's talking about. You can find plenty of threads here about the horrors of quitting and how bad life is when you can't get a fix, but they seem counterproductive to say the least. Maybe you've already seen the very long thread called Benefits of giving up weed; if not you could read what the originator of that thread has to say.

I wish you luck, good health and clarity.
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8823
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 409

#4

Postby Candid » Wed May 27, 2020 7:18 am

User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8823
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 409

#5

Postby Getafix » Wed May 27, 2020 12:12 pm

Hey. Thank you for you responses and messages of support. PAWSurvivor I am somewhat proud to be refferred to as a 'Badass'. I think that is a first :)

Candid, thank you. That was one of the first threads I read through (not eveyr post I must add). Much of it is pretty obvious when read with a logical mind but this is the trouble with the power of addiction. I watched my step father die of COPD and lung cancer in front of me then went outside and had a cigarette! The most illogical reasoning imaginable for somebody who has a career based round applying logical problem solving and lateral thinking.

I have indeed tried to take a balanced view of what I have read on here. Some posts make the thought of stopping seem impossible but I think it also circumstancial against what else is going on in your life at the time and what other challenges you are living with. There is history of mental health problems in my direct family and I have seen and dealt with the direct impact of schizophrenia on people who have never taken mind altering chemicals in their life.

Tokeless, I spent most of my years around other smokers but was equally something I am more than happy to do in my own world and space. Most of these now ex-smoker friends seemed to just stop in a similar way to you did, many of them around late 30s mark and quite often due to child commitments so I think that is a very powerful driver. We hid it from our daughter for years but unless you are going to stop completely, with teenagers onwards this becomes impossible. Thankfully she has never smoked anything and is largely offended by it which whilst relieving I find somewhat ironic as I grew up around non-smoking parents but did the opposite. How you describe stopping, I have experienced it with other vices over the years, I just stopped them and moved on but with weed I have always had this deep down feeling I will be really deprived of something. Again, illogical as I can read many pages of motivational comment on this very forum that clearly outline all of the benefits I am probably depriving myself of instead.

I read some of your other posts on here and you smoked for a long, long time, longer than me so I find your story very interesting. Can I ask if you were a smoker who mixed it with tobacco? I spent a long time living in the fantasy world of "I don't smoke cigarettes" which actually meant I smoked lots of joints with cigarettes mixed in instead. I have always felt that this is a real Achilles heal for stopping compared to those who smoke without the added nicotine.

Was it just a case of you got up one day, got to the end of it and said "hey, I haven't smoked, may as well see if I can go tomorrow too" or was there no real conscious recognition at all as it sounds like you didn't even feel psychologically like you were making any sort of sacrifice. When I have stopped in the past I have always clocked watched, 24hours since a joint; wow nearly a week; a month and so on fuelling the anxious feeling of deprivation. (similar to what I read in the Allen Carr quit smoking book recently). This forum is full of posts of days and weeks congratulations which I completely agree with from a motivational standpoint for some but what you say about choice is profoundly true. If you make that choice the timelines no longer relevant as you have chosen simply not to smoke. These are the seeds I need to plant myself.
Getafix
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue May 26, 2020 8:28 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby tokeless » Wed May 27, 2020 7:01 pm

For Candid:
When I shut my bedroom door I have that "space just to be me" and tbh it's not a good scene. I either read or write pretty much all day, emerging only to make coffee (am) or get a drink (pm) and pop outside for a smoke. Nights I take pills to sleep and regularly sit up till the wee hours with a book, and smoking in my bedroom.

Hi Candid. This bit stuck out more than most. I've posted here for years and I've engaged in discussions many times alongside you. I like your spirit from your posts and there's an earthy yet hardened aspect to you, or that's my perception of how you are. I like losts of other bits about you but I digress.
Your posts sometimes as with this hold a sense of hurt and inner conflict and perhaps your addictive self still holds the sway in how things make you feel. We all need something but when we are contented with that something life's easier. I hope I haven't spoken out of line and I like conversing with you. I think we'd get on 80-99% of the time ; )

Getafix
Hi again. I smoked with tobacco because weed would cost too much pure so I mixed. I've already put this in other posts but, I went camping with my wife and young(3- 4) son. I smoked all whilst there for the weekend as always. The night before leaving I went off for the bedtime spliff, in the pitch black, on a campsite, a way away from the van. I smoked and had a thought whilst looking back at the light in the van. My wife and child getting ready for bed. Here am I smoking a spliff I don't 'really need', not really enjoying it. I thought what are you doing mate? I finished the spliff and went to bed... no problem.
Got up as usual thinking when can I grab a quick brew and a spliff before we leave for home. Didn't really present a situation to do so, so I remember thinking it not far I'll have one when we get home. Pulled up at home, opened the door, went in got my stuff, ashtray etc and put them in the bin. Went out and unloaded the van. That night, wife says "Aren't you having a joint?" I replied, no, I'm done and she was shocked when I told her I don't do that now. That was it. No crave, no thoughts really, sweats and sh** weird but slightly enjoyable dreams eventually. The rest is history. I loved weed, I lived weed... all my beliefs and values are shaped by weed. I have no regrets just more insight I think, from using. Alcohol doesn't make people violent.. violent people drink it.
You know what to do l and how to because of previous quits. Only you can truly know when you're done and that's when you see the flowers you planted...when ever that was.
You can do this for sure. When is on you mate.
Best wishes to you both
tokeless
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2147
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 5:17 pm
Likes Received: 283

#7

Postby Candid » Thu May 28, 2020 4:49 am

tokeless wrote:perhaps your addictive self still holds the sway in how things make you feel. We all need something but when we are contented with that something life's easier.


Quite right, there are ways in which my needs are not being met and my habits fill the gap. I've been doing a lot of autobiographical writing, showing addictions have been the only constant for decades. No, you haven't spoken out of line! When I tell new members to look out for you it's because I find you trustworthy.

Here am I smoking a spliff I don't 'really need', not really enjoying it. I thought what are you doing mate?


I very often have that feeling, but my next thought is what else would I be doing? I've been more at peace since I accepted this is how it's always going to be. I don't know who I would be if I weren't eating, drinking, smoking, reading, writing or lying awake.

Got up as usual thinking when can I grab a quick brew and a spliff


Coffee and a cigarette are my first thought in the morning. Don't know how else I'd get out of bed!

Getafix wrote:I watched my step father die of COPD and lung cancer in front of me then went outside and had a cigarette! The most illogical reasoning imaginable...


Not to me! In times of high stress, a smoke acts (ironically) as reassurance that life goes on.

Some posts make the thought of stopping seem impossible


That's why I'm glad tokeless is here as a counterweight.

Thankfully [my daughter] has never smoked anything and is largely offended by it which whilst relieving I find somewhat ironic as I grew up around non-smoking parents but did the opposite.


Far as I've seen smoking has zero influence on the next generation, or rather, it's unpredictable which way it will go. My bestie's a committed smoker and has produced one of each.

with weed I have always had this deep down feeling I will be really deprived of something.


Indeed, that really is a tough one.

I liked Allen Carr's book, too.
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8823
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 409

#8

Postby tokeless » Thu May 28, 2020 8:15 am

I very often have that feeling, but my next thought is what else would I be doing? I've been more at peace since I accepted this is how it's always going to be. I don't know who I would be if I weren't eating, drinking, smoking, reading, writing or lying awake.

As a committed harm reductionist I get why people do xyz and that's why I talk about choices rather than addiction. Claiming addiction gives up control and responsibility for what we do. When I worked with serious addiction I often heard users say they can't help using etc. The one's I respected where those who admitted they enjoyed it too much to stop. So, harm reduction is the way to go. As long as you want to or enjoy doing so it's about trying to balance out risks. I could smoke weed again if I chose to, it's no big deal. I don't because why would I want to ? That may change one day or not.. I choose everytime. Take care Candid and keep on keeping on
tokeless
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2147
Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 5:17 pm
Likes Received: 283

#9

Postby RogerWeissMD » Fri May 29, 2020 9:28 am

Hi! It's so nice that you made this important decision.
However, I'd like to warn you not to use such radical methods as cold turkey. In the beginning, a lot of people think it's the best option to stop smoking (either cigarettes or cannabis) but it should be done only under the care of doctors. It's quite difficult to quit from the very first try, so after the first relapse, people get more depressed and start blaming themselves for the lack of willpower.
Special diet, physical exercises, meetings should be also added to your daily routine.
What you really need to understand is that your whole fight should become part of your life and you need to accept and love the new way of living.
Good luck, my friend! If you have any questions, feel free to write to me. I specialize in addictions so will be glad to help you.
RogerWeissMD
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu May 28, 2020 11:57 am
Likes Received: 0

#10

Postby jeanslend » Thu Jul 02, 2020 11:45 am

How is it going now?
jeanslend
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:28 am
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions