self love and self care is hard to learn

Postby mute » Sun May 31, 2020 11:44 pm

I have possibly figured out why I do all the self sabotage and have these bad habits for years.
I never learned to love myself or care for myself or put myself first.

now having to change that I focus on putting myself first and learning the actions with myself in mind I realize how much of my actions revolve around putting others first

I literally think about other people's needs first even when I try to think about my needs my brain pops up with things that other people need...
example: I need something at hardware store I automatically think if someone else needs something from there...

someone also mentioned that self love starts with food which I didn't understand at first
but yesterday I got it
the food is the most basic way you show self love or seld hate(destruction)
by eating unhealthy food then feeling guilty about it
and by avoiding healthy food
you show love and acceptance by choosing to eat healthy food
and when you start listening to yourself your body will tell you what you need. usually by having cravings for certain foods that match your internal state.
so if you are focused on self destruction you crave junk food
after years of self destruction I literally have no part of my brain that has positive and self caring habits. its just empty and I have to start building it from scratch.
constantly focusing on putting myself first, listening to my needs, doing things that improve my self image and confidence.
and constantly reject and block the old habits that came from rejecting myself for so long..

and honestly I cant even trace where it came from
maybe it came from me feeling like an unwanted child when I was 2 or 3 years old and its impossible to trace it back to that instance of where it started.. but I feel like I don't have to find the cause.
I just need to understand that the cause is irrelevant now and does not apply to me today to move on

im hoping that this lasts and I can actually get out of this swamp of negativity


but any advice would still help
maybe articles or links that I can read would be great
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#1

Postby Candid » Mon Jun 01, 2020 7:22 am

mute wrote:you show love and acceptance by choosing to eat healthy food


That's a fact, and it's a very good start.

I feel like I don't have to find the cause.


That's true, too. In fact, finding the cause can make things worse, because it too often leads to family estrangement.

but any advice would still help
maybe articles or links that I can read would be great


https://www.louisehay.com/wisdom-from-l ... lf-esteem/
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#2

Postby mute » Thu Jun 11, 2020 5:45 am

ok now I have a slight problem with rolling back to old thinking
how do I keep the negative thought patterns from returning and taking over again
they seem to creep up slowly almost unnoticed until I found myself again in a negative thinking pattern
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#3

Postby Candid » Thu Jun 11, 2020 8:44 am

Louise Hay's affirmations.

Don't ever criticise yourself. If you find it creeping in, consider something like: "Okay, that could have been done better. I've learned from it now. If that situation arises again I'll..." Then give yourself some kind of reward to reinforce the learning.
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#4

Postby mute » Fri Jun 12, 2020 6:58 am

it crept up slowly. little by little
I have fear that the good things will not last
even thought Im well aware of cycles
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#5

Postby Candid » Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:27 am

Yes, we get to notice them after a while. Also it sounds like you're on your own with it. When I was learning counselling, a lecturer said: "If there's no one there to love you, you have to love yourself."

That's a good thing to keep in mind, when you're on the slippery slope into depression and beating yourself up. If there's no one to jolly you out of it, maybe give yourself a treat such as playing your favourite music while having a warm bath by candlelight.

See, a big factor in these cycles is not caring about yourself. Take the trouble to get good food in and make a meal you're going to enjoy. Stay away from alcohol and junk food.

It's true the good things don't last, but the bad things don't either. Learn to appreciate when you feel good—and when you feel not-so-good remind yourself it won't go on forever.
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