A little support tonight.

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Wed Jun 03, 2020 1:22 am

Hi everyone,

Please only kind words.

I'm a bit concerned. I'm 9 months and 1 week sober from weed. I have seemed to be improving, but I ended up becoming dissociated again. I actually triggered it from doing a Wim Hof breathing exercise, or maybe the dissociation never fully left me. I'm seeing slight ghosting again.

Anyways, I'm doing the things I should. Meditation, deep breathing, trying to keep myself distracted. Grounding with my senses.

I always get worried I gave myself a psychological condition, like HPPD or something. I've been phantom smelling cannabis again, but perhaps it's just PAWS messing with me yet again.

It's so unsettling to have old symptoms return. Maybe this is normal? I'm giving my brain 3 years to heal. I know I have to wait.

Anyone want to encourage me today? Good news is it seems there continues to be more emotional sensations in my head. Even though it feels "Off", stuff keeps changing up there.

I know irregardless the only path forward is sobriety, but man, I get so sad about being here. I want to be better to so not only do I feel good again, but so I can be a better partner, worker, etc.

I've been reading other's stories like HelenaDocs. They help. Anyone out there get re-disassociated again?
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#1

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Wed Jun 03, 2020 3:49 am

A little update, I did some calm PTSD yoga tonight. It helped me for now.

This has been one, if not the biggest, journey of my life. I vow to be sober forever.
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#2

Postby HopefulMe » Wed Jun 03, 2020 4:40 am

Its extremely hard but not impossible. You will get there. Everyone will. Just keep going. Root for yourself and encourage yourself.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 03, 2020 6:19 am

PAWSsurvivor wrote:A little update, I did some calm PTSD yoga tonight. It helped me for now.


Thank goodness the PTSD yoga didn’t trigger your PAWS.
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#4

Postby SparkleFly12 » Wed Jun 03, 2020 7:05 am

Ive had huge backtracks in my paws multiple times. Just feels like the clock turned back 2 months. And had to wait another 2 months for things to get better. But stick with it, it will come back to normal.
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#5

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Wed Jun 03, 2020 6:38 pm

Thanks Sparklefly and Hopeful, I talked to someone else too about setbacks and that it happens. I think this is my first really large one. So it's startling. Getting back to some old practices that have helped me. I needed to check in here, but I also know part of what I need to do is to simply distract myself and enjoy living again. It's hard with how I feel, but I can still do all the things that make me happy.

Affirmation for today. I am safe. I am loved. I am able to live my life fully. I am taking care of myself. I am on a long journey, but will be better from it. Thank you for your kind words. I hope you are both doing ok as well.
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jun 04, 2020 2:29 am

PAWSsurvivor wrote:Affirmation for today. I am safe. I am loved. I am able to live my life fully. I am taking care of myself. I am on a long journey, but will be better from it.


Whew! So glad that affirmations are currently not a trigger. It is good that you stay away from deep breathing.

Whatever you do, don’t go to White Castle. That is an obvious trigger, but many PAWS victims relapse whenever they go there.

And it is great that you have decided 3 years is the time frame for the long journey. Congrats on that major step forward.
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#7

Postby Candid » Thu Jun 04, 2020 11:13 am

PAWSsurvivor wrote:Hi everyone,

Please only kind words.


Ah, sweetheart... I know 'tonight' is over, but I get it. Nothing harsh from me. I get it.

PAWSsurvivor wrote:I did some calm PTSD yoga tonight. It helped me for now.


Tell me more! I would like to know what PTSD yoga is. I have C-PTSD (the complex version) and I'm a long-term believer in the power of yoga, so I think it might help. Sometimes a quick fix is the best we can do.
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#8

Postby Candid » Thu Jun 04, 2020 11:15 am

PAWSsurvivor wrote:I can still do all the things that make me happy.

Affirmation for today. I am safe. I am loved. I am able to live my life fully. I am taking care of myself. I am on a long journey, but will be better from it.


Maybe print this to stick on your wall?
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#9

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:56 pm

I can't say anything scientific about PTSD Yoga. I haven't done any real research.

I'm actually a trained Yoga Teacher with my E-RYT200, though I haven't been active practicing in the last 2 years.

I know Yoga's practice of "yoking" the mind and body together has been used for Trauma. There's science behind it's usefulness in reducing symptoms. When I did my training, a drug abuse survivor came to teach us, and Yoga was his anchor to heal him from his drug addictions (Cocaine, weed, booze).

I've been thinking about his stories alot in the last while.

Anyways, the last two nights now I just found randomly a "Yoga for PTSD" video online. Yoga with Adrienne. Should be easy to find.

Very calm flow based movements. Arm swings, waving your spine, see-sawing between child's pose and cow pose, slow rises and descents with deep ujai breaths. Not a physically intense practice at all.

I remember in my Yoga training not understanding the therapeutic practices I was taught, and not being very interested. That has changed.

Last night I was told in the Yoga sessions to think on the in breaths "I Can" and on the out breaths "I am Safe".

My emotions released and I ended up crying for 20 minutes. Very powerful. I suppose the idea is to engage the Parasympathetic nervous system, as people with PTSD have a heightened fight or flight state.
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#10

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:57 pm

Also, I write a daily affirmation in my 5 minute journal every morning. I think it's important to renew my commitment daily.
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#11

Postby Candid » Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:19 am

This was useful. Thank you.
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