Can a marriage last with a fatherless girl 20 years younger?

Postby antoine4321 » Tue Jun 09, 2020 4:13 pm

Hello Guys,

First of all sorry for my English ; I’m French and I’ll try my best to make it short.

She’s 19; She’s very attractive, smart and loving. Everything seems perfect; however she never had a father figure in her life. Not even a brother or uncle. Her parents divorced before she was born.

Her mother also did not have a father figure in her life and she’s got into 5 short marriages.

I love this girl so much, and I want to make it work. However everything I read about fatherless daughters seems to indicate that a marriage will be doomed to fail. She will likely either cheat, leave me or make the relationships so hard and draining.

Nevertheless; I’m wondering whether these outcomes are not inflated because of fatherless daughters lack of standards and poor choice of men that may lead her to be with a bad person and be in a toxic relationship.

Since I’m a faithful, caring and loving man, I hope it could be different.

I don’t want to give up but I need some sincere advices or a reality check.

Thank you very much for your help
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jun 09, 2020 5:23 pm

How long have you been dating?
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#2

Postby antoine4321 » Tue Jun 09, 2020 6:01 pm

8 month,
I have to precise that we do not yet talk about marriage, however I'm wondering whether it's worth to be more emotionally invested.
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#3

Postby tokeless » Tue Jun 09, 2020 6:28 pm

My partner is 16 years younger than me so I can understand the issue from the age difference. I guess there are many factors to consider because being from a fatherless relationship doesn't have to equal trouble. What is her maturity level, her values and how she behaves in the relationship are more important I would say. Does she get possessive and insecure when you are doing your own thing? Does she have an active life outside of the relationship with friends etc? Also, you have only dated 8 months so you're still in honeymoon mode really. She will change over time as will you. This will be critical and depending how you both adapt will make the difference. My advice is enjoy the moment, don't contemplate marriage because it isn't necessary at this time is it? Marrying her won't keep her if that makes sense so just take it as it comes. If you communicate as equals she will be able to discuss her goals and dreams easier than if she senses your insecurity and feels guilty. Hope that helped?
We have been together for 17 years now and she still makes my heart beat faster. I know I am getting older and she still loves me for me and we can't imagine a life without each other. Probability says I will go first and that at times pinches me but life is for living in the moment. There is only now as tomorrow hasn't arrived so let it take care of itself.
Best wishes
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#4

Postby antoine4321 » Tue Jun 09, 2020 7:02 pm

@tokeless Thank you for your insightful response.
Actually I'm much more concerned about the fatherless daughter syndrome than the age gap
In most studies, numbers are scary.
For example a fatherless daughter is 200% more likely to divorce than a girl coming from an intact family.
One of the plenty reasons is because she did not learn to interact and communicate with men at a critical stage of her life.
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#5

Postby tokeless » Tue Jun 09, 2020 7:25 pm

antoine4321 wrote:@tokeless Thank you for your insightful response.
Actually I'm much more concerned about the fatherless daughter syndrome than the age gap
In most studies, numbers are scary.
For example a fatherless daughter is 200% more likely to divorce than a girl coming from an intact family.
One of the plenty reasons is because she did not learn to interact and communicate with men at a critical stage of her life.


There's a saying about statistics. I bet there are countless cases of women divorcing from happy and stable families. How do these studies explain cases where the husband cheats as a cause of divorce? Life is too complex to base decisions on stats imo.. the only one I totally agree with is 100% of use die. I guess you have to make the call.
Best wishes
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 10, 2020 8:48 am

I agree with tokeless and will add that you seem to be setting yourself up for failure before you even try. It is almost as if you are doing research as to then later justify failure. This is in contrast to focusing on the actual behaviors that make for successful relationships.

If the relationship fails, instead of reflecting on your role and saying, “I did not [insert behavior] with her,” you say, “It wasn’t anything I did or she did, it was just the odds were statistically low.”

Think about a surgeon with that same mindset.

The patient dies on the operating table and instead of the doctor reflecting and saying, “Maybe I should have used X or Y procedure,” they say, “nothing I did wrong, just the odds were 200% more likely the patient would die because they had the preexisting condition of being fatherless.”

Which surgeon would you want operating on you? I know which I would prefer. I understand that the doc is going to reference the statistics in the consultation, but I sure hope his mindset is not one of a person that has no faith in his own ability to be better than the statistic.

I hope that makes sense.
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#7

Postby antoine4321 » Wed Jun 10, 2020 9:32 am

Thank you Guys for your answers. It does make sense and it's encouraging.
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