In love with girlfriends friend?

Postby raster_pear » Tue Jun 16, 2020 12:12 pm

Before I start i just want to notify the reader that this is probably going to be a longish post. Recently i have started having feeling for my girlfriends friend. To make things more complicated, that person has been in my life for longer than she has been in my girlfriends life, we always got along, but then we got separated in highschool and didn't see or contact each other. Recently though we have been sharing a lot of good moments, have a few internal jokes, we know almost everything about our lives, she has helped me with almost every aspect of my life as I have helped her. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years and 2 months and she is the best person ever, loyal, loving, caring, responsible, nice to me, everything you could ask for. My question is, what should I do? How do i differentiate a temporary crisis/state with a general unhappiness in my relationship? Did the feelings for my/my girlfriends friend come because they had to come or did i do something to create that image in my mind that i shouldn't have done? Because i really love my girlfriend and before all of this i was ready to spend my life with her (changed the city where i study so i can see her more, changed my part time job so we could have more time together) and we've had nothing but good moments, the feeling of anxiety and depression and not knowing what to do have ultimately led to me not being able to eat for three days, i had to go see a doctor and now i am drinking like some liquified stuff with nutrients because i feel so bad that every time i try to eat i get a reflex. I don't know what to do because i know that relationships go through rough patches, i know that commitment includes sacrifices on every front, i know that being in a relationship is not all about the good stuff or about that initial crazy phase but about respect, tolerance and being best friends and sharing everything. I would appreciate any help with the matter and i hope my question/s were clear, if not i will be happy to elaborate cause i have to end this thing however it is possible, because it has started to affect my mental and recently even physical health. I also apologize for any vocabulary or grammatical errors since english is not my first language.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jun 16, 2020 12:42 pm

raster_pear wrote:...i know that being in a relationship is not all about the good stuff or about that initial crazy phase but about respect, tolerance and being best friends and sharing everything. I would appreciate any help with the matter and i hope my question/s were clear...


Commitment. Add that in with all the other words you used to describe a relationship. The decision to fully commit to one person. After 4 years you either get married or end it. Do not continue to avoid 100% commitment. I know you said you moved cities, but that is in the past and it does not mean you are 100% committed to this woman in your life.

You can end the pain by committing 100%, taking a full, 100% commitment to either end the relationship or to get married. Once you decide, the pain of not committing will go away. Lack of commitment will no longer cause you to suffer.

Now, this does not mean you will not experience pain. It will just be a different sort of pain depending on the decision you make. The pain of guilt or maybe the pain of regret will enter your life, but the pain of being indecisive will go away.
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#2

Postby Psicology » Tue Oct 27, 2020 1:02 pm

The pain of being indecisive is worse. You better make a decision, you have to think carefully but you better make a decision. And remember that decisions don't always have a positive or negative effect. Very often, good decisions take a long time to produce good results.
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#3

Postby Candid » Wed Oct 28, 2020 6:58 am

raster_pear wrote:i really love my girlfriend and before all of this i was ready to spend my life with her

Is there some reason you need to marry soon? You're clearly not ready. Just enjoy seeing them both, together or separately, and see what happens.

Of course, you run the risk of losing them both—but there are always others.
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#4

Postby tokeless » Wed Oct 28, 2020 5:55 pm

I've been with my partner for 18 years and we never married. I was previously and we have discussed it and she's fine not being married. She believes you're 'married' in your head and feelings, not because of the ring on your finger. Just wanted to say being married or not in a long term relationship doesn't mean anything really.
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#5

Postby Candid » Thu Oct 29, 2020 8:10 am

... and there are plenty of men entertaining more than one woman at a time. It's a biological urge.
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#6

Postby Tom Dolton » Tue Nov 17, 2020 4:48 pm

A friend of mine was also in love with his best friend's gf. Now he lost both of them.
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