Advice; clarity with my dad

#30

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 06, 2020 7:50 pm

WhatIs_87 wrote: I sent a text to my dads real number a few weeks ago, and it was marked as read.


That was a few weeks ago and just more evidence that he doesn't want a relationship with you.

What will it take for you to find "clarity"? It seems like no amount of evidence is sufficient. You explain everything away. So tell me, what will it take?

Im unaware what a private detective could do outside of verifying his info action or address.


A 3rd party, including a private detective, could approach your father and deliver a message. He could ask your dad to give him an answer for you. Then you would have a reply from someone not your sister, not your father, and independent 3rd party.

But I'm guessing even that would not satisfy you.
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#31

Postby WhatIs_87 » Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:32 pm

There is a possibility of a slippery slope. That's why I included having OCD.
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#32

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:54 pm

A 3rd party, including a private detective, could approach your father and deliver a message. He could ask your dad to give him an answer for you. Then you would have a reply from someone not your sister, not your father, and independent 3rd party.

OCD has nothing to do with the above. Neither does journaling or wasting your time searching the Internet. If you actually wanted clarity you could already have it.
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#33

Postby WhatIs_87 » Tue Jul 07, 2020 1:26 am

The private detective idea is one I just looked into based on your recommendation. I'm not sure having a stranger knock on my dad's door would elicit a direct or candid response. Your assumption is that my dad would give the detective the time of day, answer his question, and answer it honestly.

A risk involved is that this tactic could be intimidating and push my father away from wanting to interact with me. You are quick to insist that me not leaping to that idea insinuates I don't want clarity.

Overall there has been a theme of me having to explain myself based on you gravitating toward the worst assumptions possible: I'm a stalker and no different from a celebrity stalker (which is a hell of an assertion to make to a person who is struggling with being neglected by his dad); that I'm the kind of person my dad and step-sister need to protect themselves from; and now that after taking six different avenues to contact my dad, it's me that doesn't actually want the truth.

It's actually caused my distress to spike, and I've invested more energy into clarifying and defending my character. I think that, in conjunction with your insistence that there is no assistance to be had in focusing on my anxiety/OCD, probably indicates that we are coming from very different angles, and it would be best to cease trying to find common ground over this issue.

Thanks for engaging me and providing some ideas to process.
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#34

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jul 07, 2020 2:26 am

WhatIs_87 wrote:The private detective idea is one I just looked into based on your recommendation. I'm not sure having a stranger knock on my dad's door would elicit a direct or candid response. Your assumption is that my dad would give the detective the time of day, answer his question, and answer it honestly.


Oh please, like the PI is some thug you hire. I'm not the one assuming. You are....You are assuming this PI has some strange conversation with this man that you can then explain and twist into something negative.

The PI is like the FedEx delivery guy. He hands this man a letter you have written and says, "Hi, this is from Whatis. He would appreciate knowing if you would like to have a conversation. Please read the letter and get back to him."

Wow, the above paragraph is so intimidating!

And if you don't like a PI, then send a certified letter. No PI to come back and tell you if this man said anything, but you are guaranteed to know the man signed for the letter you sent him.

Stop shifting and twisting and now trying to pretend that I just don't understand. I understand very well that you simply are burying your head in the sand. You fear the clarity that would come with actually finding out, therefore you go out of your way to go down rabbit holes that allow you to maintain the illusion that "maybe he has missed the 1st, 2nd, 3rd....7th time I've tried to contact him."
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