I end up breaking things...

#15

Postby yodawannabe » Tue Jul 14, 2020 1:46 pm

Leo, I did notice my jaw muscles tighten. I read a post where you talked about that in detail. Very neat "TRICK" and it is very useful. My dad always used to say, "Stop. Take a deep breath." I need to remember to do that. Oxygen to the brain is good!

Candid, my plan is not to wrestle with my feelings, but to control them. If your plan for rehab is to change the outlook on life so there is no bad emotion at all and only sunshine and butterflies, then I'm not sure that is the right fit for me. If I have misunderstood, please expound.

How I see this "struggle" is like karate or any other martial arts form that uses the opponents energy against them. As an emotion comes to me like another person steps into my 3 foot bubble. If the emotion is positive I can choose to dance with it, embrace it, use it. If the emotion is negative, I can use its own energy to through it to the ground and walk away. My goal is to have the self-awareness and strength to "duck dive" the wave of anger and come out on the other side.
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#16

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Jul 15, 2020 3:36 am

Good Afternoon Yoda, Oh, my idea about relaxing the jaw muscles and taking a few deep mouth breaths, well, it's NOT for the benefit of breathing, no, it's a ritual which can only be performed if you can relax your jaw muscles enough to open your mouth. A Member who took my advise gave me that idea, that remembering to relax jaw muscles was unfamiliar and complex, but she could definitely remember to mouth breath.

Oh, your reference to Duck Diving reminded me of a life adventure. I was in the Islands once and took up snorkeling and at first snorkeling in the Bay was fun but the Ocean waters had a whole another set of coral and that was where the big fish were. I tried to be careful about my timing and the tides. It would be difficult to get into the ocean if the tide were seriously coming in because it would be difficult to crash through the waves while still in the shallow bay. Also there were patches of antler coral I had to be able to swim over. So it was good to try to hit the High Tide mark. BUT one time I over extended and it was seriously into low tide and the bay was emptying out and I was swept off in a current and heading out to sea. Hmmmm. I stayed calm. They say to swim laterally to get out of a current, but for all I knew that outward current was everywhere. Then a ocean swell came up and I noticed, referenced against the ocean bottom that it pushed me back several meters. COOL! I took a deep breath and swam down to the bottom and held onto a big rock so the current could not move me, and I waited for the next swell to come. You can see them coming. Then I'd swim up and catch the swell and then take a deep breath and back down to the rocks. An hour of that and I was back in the Bay and safety. Perhaps the most important part of that story was that I kept my head and didn't get lost in emotional panic.
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#17

Postby yodawannabe » Wed Jul 15, 2020 5:59 am

I understand.

That is a really cool story.
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#18

Postby Candid » Thu Jul 16, 2020 6:18 am

yodawannabe wrote:Candid, my plan is not to wrestle with my feelings, but to control them.


The thing about feelings is they just are. There's no such thing as illegitimate ones. Bad feelings let us know something's gone wrong.

If your plan for rehab is to change the outlook on life so there is no bad emotion at all...


Not at all. It's inappropriate to be happy when someone you love dies. It's just plain daft to be miserable all the time about things you can't control, like... life, for example.

My goal is to have the self-awareness and strength to "duck dive" the wave of anger and come out on the other side.


Okay, no quarrel with that. All I'll say is that if you're not on your own side, no one else will be. Many of us learned as small children to be harder on ourselves than we'd ever be on anyone else. Loving yourself doesn't mean being selfish, it means you're much nicer to be around and are actually more giving, less draining, with those around you.
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#19

Postby Leo Volont » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:48 pm

Hi Candid,

It would seem you describing the mind set of a self-indulgent self obsessed "karen" brimming full of entitlement. I think it is easier for women to get away with that. Guys, who get knocked over their heads by each other for behaving that way, must be much more careful about our self-pampering.
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#20

Postby Orlorlor » Sun Aug 02, 2020 1:39 pm

It's okay, man. I also have anger issues.
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#21

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Aug 02, 2020 10:01 pm

Hi Orlorlor,

Wow! Yeah it is okay to supportive of others, but not when we go so far as to encourage them in a damaging vice. Anger issues, as you probably know already, are a kind of a curse. Being chronically angry can hurt our careers and often leads to joblessness, and can wreck our family lives. Angry people are dropped from party invitation lists. You can walk into a room and just see everybody tighten up. While the World loves a smile, they hate anger. What is the evolutionary necessity for anger? It is not for the Angry Person's benefit. The Yelling and cursing and screaming from the Angry Person is an alarm and it warns all others to run to safety. So it is that it is entirely natural to avoid an angry person as though they represent danger almost as much as the lion, tiger, wolf or bear they're cursing at. Anyway, Orlorlor if you do have anger issues then why not do something about them instead of trying to create some kind of a club where, what, you all scream at each other and beat each other up.... yeah, "Fight Club". Remember the first rule.
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