Does the girl I like have SAD but is interested?

Postby WardenEternal » Fri Jul 17, 2020 1:56 pm

Trying to keep this short: there is this girl at school I'm interested in. She's beautiful. The typical thing to say, I know. She seems like a delightful personality as far as I know about her. I've talked to her a few times. Note: I myself suffered/suffer from debilitating social anxiety, but as years go on I'm slowly getting better.

Conversations are hard to hold past 5 minutes with this girl, but every response from her is full and informational. She smiles and giggles. Okay, mostly seems good.

She has told me that she is very shy, but not socially anxious. (after contemplating, I'm assuming she lied about being socially anxious).

One day, I grew a pair and finally asked this girl for her number after school (first time in my life). She smiled, giggled and gladly gave me her number. First time she ever said "bye" to me as well as hold the door open (she doesn't usually hold the door open for me before).

Texting day 1: very short conversation, but no mediocre or tiny responses from her. Seemed good. Slow, though.

Texting Day 2: Took her 17 hours to read what I sent her (it was just a funny picture at 8 in the morning before I had to leave for an appointment). No response. I decided to wait for her to text anything this time instead of being pushy and seemingly desperate. Till this day, so far no texts from her.

Yesterday at school: She avoided any place I was at every break. Completely even left the building to eat lunch outside by herself while I sat alone in the lunchroom (it's usually just us two).

Today: she sits in the lunchroom again. Though, this morning she looked at every person passing by until I came along. She looked away immediately and stared at the wall. This seems bad. Even at the desks she picked the one farthest possible from me. Was expecting to see my friend today outside to at least relieve myself of the distress that may be rejection. Friend didn't show so I sat in the lunchroom with her. No words exchanged, she might've looked up at me at some point.

Extra information: her social media is set to only be seen by people's numbers she's added. She still has my number added.

She's sending me mixed signals. It seemed so nice and then it just falls apart overnight. Though, I have a theory that maybe she truly is social anxious and actually still has strong feelings for me because who goes out of their way to displace themselves from someone? Not to mention, when I had severe social anxiety while younger, I'd do the complete opposite of what people do when they were interested in someone (avoidance).

Anyone have an idea? You guys know as much as I've said in this post. She's said she's shy, wants to avoid talking to people in her future job, giggles and laughs and gives me good responses, just conversation and contact is difficult. Especially today and yesterday (it freaking killed my soul).

My concern is that if I'm understanding her incorrectly and end up scaring her off even more trying to confront her.

Edit: this all took span in a matter of two weeks.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 17, 2020 5:23 pm

WardenEternal wrote:She's sending me mixed signals.

My concern is that if I'm understanding her incorrectly and end up scaring her off even more trying to confront her.


She is not sending mixed signals.

She sent a clear initial signal that she might be interested. That is normal.

She engaged with you to find out a bit more. That is normal.

She has clearly made a decision. She is not into you. Whatever interaction took place between you two, she has clearly determined that you are not for her, i.e. she is just not that into you. She is sending very clear signals by not returning texts, not initiating contact, and distancing herself from you. That is normal.

Your best path forward is to let it go. Keep your distance, engage with other friends, girls, etc. Be kind, accept her decision, and let her do her thing. If she sees you have moved on then she might relax and be willing to be a friend.
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#2

Postby WardenEternal » Mon Jul 20, 2020 5:35 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
WardenEternal wrote:She's sending me mixed signals.

My concern is that if I'm understanding her incorrectly and end up scaring her off even more trying to confront her.


She is not sending mixed signals.

She sent a clear initial signal that she might be interested. That is normal.

She engaged with you to find out a bit more. That is normal.

She has clearly made a decision. She is not into you. Whatever interaction took place between you two, she has clearly determined that you are not for her, i.e. she is just not that into you. She is sending very clear signals by not returning texts, not initiating contact, and distancing herself from you. That is normal.

Your best path forward is to let it go. Keep your distance, engage with other friends, girls, etc. Be kind, accept her decision, and let her do her thing. If she sees you have moved on then she might relax and be willing to be a friend.


The first day I started texting her, I figured things were off, already assuming she wasn't interested. I was blinded by denial hoping I was wrong.

Before I had the chance to check back on this post, I had already confronted her and she (I presume) lied that she was simply stressed due to private matters. Well, today was my last day, she won't be seeing me anymore. On the off chance she does contact me after me being gone, is it even worth giving someone a second chance even though they initially felt only a fragment of interest?
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#3

Postby Candid » Tue Jul 21, 2020 5:53 am

Maybe. There are plenty of older folk around with stories to tell about rocky beginnings.

It would be a mistake to obsess over this person, though. Makes you seem desperate, right? And there are literally millions of potential partners out there for any one of us.
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#4

Postby tokeless » Tue Jul 21, 2020 3:04 pm

I had already confronted her and she (I presume) lied that she was simply stressed due to private matters.

Not good fella.. you don't confront someone just because she doesn't respond to your advances. She may have lied because she was freaked out. Your first post was very desperate in content and shows you struggle with rejection. Leave her be and move on.. no hard feelings etc.. imagine she was your sister and she told you "About this guy".. how would you see her side of the story?
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