Social life and low self steem

Postby RandomUser » Fri Sep 25, 2020 6:16 am

Hi, I wanna talk about some social issues I have related to low self steem.

I think that one of my main problems with low self steem is that I dislike myself to the point that I can't stop being so fake and forced when i'm around people, I hate it, I ended up avoiding social encounters because I know the "fake Me" will show up, I just think it's better that way, without risks, without the fear of being laughed at or humilliated.

This particular scene is very common: I meet someone new, I act very friendly, but in a way that is too forced and I'm like trying to make a good impression or "be confident" or whatever, then, after that, I realize that it was too much and it wasn't honest, so now I'm bound to be acting like that anytime I talk to this person again, and I don't want that, because it is soo exhausting, so I just avoid the person.

I tried to become aware of this "process", so I could have some control over it, but it just got worse, because with self awareness always comes anxiety and (more) fear, it's like having a little tyrant inside my head. So now my mind is divided, in one hand I give in to the temptation of being "someone else", in the other hand I'm a souless robot, so methodic and paranoid. I hate that my only solution is isolating myself from the world, look, I'm a very quiet person, I like to have my privacy and my space, but everyone needs human contact, it's not cool to be a stranger to life.
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Postby Candid » Fri Sep 25, 2020 6:44 am

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages. William Shakespeare

Most of us present what we consider a good 'front' when we go out into the world. That's why we have homes to retreat to.

The trouble starts when we consider ourselves unacceptable, to the point where we're saying the opposite to what we believe and/or don't know what to do with ourselves when we're alone.

I'm not going to ask what's wrong with you. I'd like you to focus on what's right about you. You've named the problem, low self-esteem. It's time to celebrate yourself.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Sep 25, 2020 2:25 pm

Step 1: Pick a random place where you don't care if people know the "real" you, e.g. a local bar.

Step 2: Set a time limit, e.g. 1 hour.

Step 3: Go hang out.

Step 4: Evaluate. Reflect. What was the absolute worst thing that happened? Did people make fun of you, did you get physically harmed, did the world stop spinning?

Most likely nothing bad happened. Most likely the "real" you encountered no issues.

Step 5: Repeat step 1. Maybe you go back to the same bar, but for 1.5 hours this time. Or maybe you go to a new location where you just don't care.

Slowly and intentionallly expose the "real" you to small doses of social interactions where the pressure to impress others is low.

What seems to be happening currently is you avoid social interactions. You are not really in control of the time, place, people you are meeting, etc. etc. You are failing to deliberately practice. Therefore, when you find yourself in a social situation you avoid showing the real you.
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Postby Chad Capote » Thu Oct 08, 2020 8:34 am

A few questions. Do you dislike yourself because of your social persona, or is there some other reason for it? Are you gregarious or you dislike human interaction? Are you an introvert? Do you like to talk to people only when you are not forced off your comfort zone? if the answer to the latter is yes, then silence would help you a lot. Try to be observant and silent in social gatherings. This would give you the time to put yourself together to a position where you can get to your natural self. Also, constantly remind yourself that you are not inferior to anyone and you'll find the right set of humans. Do not overtry. At some or the other stage, you'll have people approaching you. Keep it simple and nice to them. Slowly you'll find a good social rhythm.
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Postby Psicology » Tue Oct 27, 2020 12:52 pm

When we are having dinner in a restaurant, we don't allow ourselves to go in our underwear, darken or put our feet on the table. But maybe, when we are at home we do. Are we hypocrites? No. We just adapt to the circumstances.
The relationship we have with an acquaintance will not be the same as the relationship we have with a close friend. Are we hypocrites or false? No, we adapt to the circumstances.

Of course, everything has a limit, and that's normal.
You are not a "false" or "hypocritical" person but maybe you have to try to be less tense and more natural.
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