Empath dealing with highly toxic parents - Extreme distress

#15

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Sep 29, 2020 2:45 pm

Somestressedguy wrote: YOU MUST take into consideration that people that have similar situations with me AREN'T mentally developed for independence as their attempts to take flight have always been stifled!


A hypothetical, that is a different version of Candid's...

WHAT IF...

A natural disaster strikes and life as you have known it for 25 years ends tomorrow? No more parents, the family business has been destroyed. You have nothing. You just die, because you "AREN'T" mentally developed to take care of yourself?

I don't think so. You "start over". You take the skills you have developed for over 25 years and move forward in life.

The idea that you can't escape your parents is only you wanting to beat the drum that you are mentally incapable of independence. And you don't blame yourself for this, you blame everyone but yourself. Okay...fair enough. You are the victim. You are not to blame. Now...again I ask...when does that stop? When do you begin to start taking even 1% responsibility for your future?

LEAVE. Like Candid, you will be okay.
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#16

Postby Somestressedguy » Tue Sep 29, 2020 3:13 pm

Just had a little chat with my dad on the phone. He lashed out at me and blamed me for his stupid bank account that is not working. I had to give him access to my business account so he can make some payments.

About living on the street, OFTEN times i felt that. Often times I would just lay on a bench in the park and actually took into consideration sleeping there overnight instead of going 'HOME'.

I will think about what you've told me and come back with a response later. I gotta refesh my head a bit. Cya later!
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#17

Postby Somestressedguy » Tue Sep 29, 2020 4:32 pm

This must be it. I will end my involvement with his business and search for a job. Topic closed.
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#18

Postby Somestressedguy » Tue Oct 06, 2020 1:34 pm

Late reply: Mr Richard you are so bad. If you are not a psychologist why do you answer psychology topics? I've re-read everything, you clearly have no deep understanding or insight on this topic yet you throw this crap at me with so much confidence. I was hoping for some real advice or someone who would listen and actually use his brain to throw a good suggestion. You only threw sh** at me and then told me to leave. Thanks a bunch, dood. Deleting my account.
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#19

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 06, 2020 1:47 pm

Somestressedguy wrote:Late reply: Mr Richard you are so bad. If you are not a psychologist why do you answer psychology topics? I've re-read everything, you clearly have no deep understanding or insight on this topic yet you throw this crap at me with so much confidence. I was hoping for some real advice or someone who would listen and actually use his brain to throw a good suggestion. You only threw sh** at me and then told me to leave. Thanks a bunch, dood. Deleting my account.


I am a psychologist somestressed guy.

The advice I provided is "real advice". You need to leave the situation. Stop blaming others, including me, for your situation. You are a 25-year-old man.

I repeat. You are a 25-year-old man.

You can leave. I understand mentally it can be difficult. That doesn't change the advice.
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#20

Postby tokeless » Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:25 pm

Advice can and should only be offered. Liking the advice is not part of the equation.
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#21

Postby Somestressedguy » Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:27 pm

Hard to believe you are a psychologist. If you are, please reconsider your profession, man.
First off, I didn't put blame on anyone, including you. Where did you read that I blamed you for my situation? It wasn't about blame in the first place, nor responsibility.
I've presented you the situation and I've told you that I will be here for some time, I asked for some coping advice regarding their behaviour. They were indeed iresponsible and abusive regarding their own son and I wasn't throwing unbacked sh** at them. I wrote that so you clearly understand the problem. Thanks for helping, it is amazing to see that even people that claim to be psychologists have these huge mental fallacies.
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#22

Postby Somestressedguy » Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:28 pm

@tokeless Yes, whatever. I will leave this forum.
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#23

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:56 pm

Somestressedguy wrote:I've presented you the situation and I've told you that I will be here for some time,


Yes. And I have given you the advice that this is not acceptable. You don't have to stay. You are not in a jail cell or trapped on a small island. You can leave.

You are like the abused spouse that says, "My partner is controlling and treats me like a dog, but I must stay with the abuser for 4 more years until my children are old enough to leave the home."

No. The spouse does not need to stay. The spouse can leave. You do not make excuses to stay with an abuser.

I understand the spouse can say, "I don't want to leave. I don't want that advice. I came to ask advice about how to cope with my abuser while I remain in the situation for 4 more years."

What advice would you give the spouse? Would you entertain the idea of "coping" with the abuser for 4 more years? Or would your advice be to leave the relationship?

You are not legally married or bound to your parents. You are a 25-year-old man that can leave an abusive situation. You can leave a situation wherein your own words you are being treated like a dog.

You don't "cope" with abuse. You leave.
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#24

Postby Candid » Thu Oct 08, 2020 8:36 am

On September 29, 2020, Somestressedguy wrote:This must be it. I will end my involvement with his business and search for a job. Topic closed.
On October 6, 2020, Somestressedguy wrote:Deleting my account.
On October 6, 2020, Somestressedguy wrote:I've presented you the situation and I've told you that I will be here for some time,
On October 6, 2020 Somestressedguy wrote:@tokeless Yes, whatever. I will leave this forum.

I understand what's going on here. While parental cruelty remains unresolved, you continue to run into it everywhere you go. You end up feeling like a victim, everywhere, with everyone. So Richard now seems like the bad guy. You reenact the problem with your father because that seems easier than actually tackling your father.

You don't need to delete your account (it can't be done), get the better of Richard, have a big showdown, or go on putting up with your parents. While you're still being paid you have the luxury of looking for work that will suit you better and that you'll enjoy more. Then you can leave his business, leave home and, if you choose, have nothing to do with your parents ever again.

It's actually the only way out of your situation. Nothing is going to make it a good idea to stay in their home a minute longer than you have to.
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