Feelings of depression and loneliness.

Postby timurkanaz » Sat Oct 03, 2020 5:16 pm

I am a student, I am 19 years old and currently I am a 3rd year student at a University in another city.

In General, I have never had many friends. At school, during school hours, I communicated with all my classmates, laughed and was perceived by everyone as a sympathetic, intelligent and adequate person. However, outside of school, everything stopped and I didn't get close to anyone.

At the moment, I have two people who I consider my friends. However, they get a job/girlfriend and the routine engulfs them. In messengers, for example, they rarely write to me, and I also don't want to write, because I can't feel the difference between initiative and obsession.

Perhaps I am a loner by nature, but my depression and depressed mood are aggravated by the constant claims(like jokes) from my parents like "You have become a social phobe", "When will you find a girl?"or "In your age I was very active and why are you so shy?". Moreover, I was active as a child, but as I got older everything changed.

What can you recommend after reading my story? And what is the difference in friendship between initiative and obsession?
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#1

Postby Candid » Sat Oct 03, 2020 8:30 pm

I think you're at university to learn, and if you keep your focus on academic goals while being friendly and approachable, you'll soon make friends there. Universities just LOVE to push students into teamwork, knowing as they do that getting on with people is the best predictor of career success.

Your parents' jokes are a bit thoughtless. Ask them whether they really want your studies torpedoed by an ill-timed romance.

Yes, things change as we get older. Lessons get harder, personal challenges are greater. Keep your head and have faith in yourself, and you'll be fine. How else would you have got as far as your third year at just 19??
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#2

Postby bawdyheated » Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:33 am

I am sorry to hear what happened to you, in this times it is indeed difficult to trust otheres. but always follow your heart and instinct, that is all that matters
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#3

Postby various artist » Fri Oct 16, 2020 5:06 pm

"And what is the difference in friendship between initiative and obsession?"

I don't know what you are meaning by this, can you elaborate more what you are referring to, maybe an example from your own life...

It might help you a little bit to keep in mind that your parents are only saying those things because they care about you and are worried that things are not working out for you at the moment. That would be my assumption anyway rather than they are purposely trying to put you down or make you feel bad! But being constantly reminded of a perceived inadequacy in your life (and trivializing your actual suffering with jokes about it) really doesnt help... have you tried explaining that to them and ask them to lay off or suggest a more constructive way they can help you?

Join some clubs out of school hours... meet people in social settings who like the same things as you. It's ok to be a loner, if it suits you. But if you are experiencing depression because of lack of POSITIVE social interaction then it would help to do what you can to alleviate that.
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#4

Postby Chad Capote » Tue Oct 20, 2020 12:25 pm

timurkanaz wrote:However, they get a job/girlfriend and the routine engulfs them. In messengers, for example, they rarely write to me, and I also don't want to write, because I can't feel the difference between initiative and obsession.


I respect that you respect their privacy. But good friendships are about backing a friend constantly and keeping in touch. If you feel depressed, you have to let your friends know, if they do not care about it, then you'll get to know about them.
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#5

Postby Chad Capote » Tue Oct 20, 2020 12:29 pm

timurkanaz wrote:Perhaps I am a loner by nature, but my depression and depressed mood are aggravated by the constant claims(like jokes) from my parents like "You have become a social phobe", "When will you find a girl?"or "In your age I was very active and why are you so shy?". Moreover, I was active as a child, but as I got older everything changed.


You'll have to learn to live in harmony with certain things, this is certainly one of them. At the end of the day, you can't be pleasing every individual, especially parents.
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#6

Postby Psicology » Tue Oct 27, 2020 1:05 pm

The best way to avoid being obsessed with friends is to have lots of friends.
You have to make many friends, and of many different ages. It is not true that friends should only be peers. Also make friends much older than you. When you have a lot of friends, then it will be easier not to be obsessive. You focus on one friend first ... then on another and then you won't be obsessive with anyone.
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