Day 80: Anxiety & headaches

[SparkleFly12]

I used concentrates for about a year and a half, every day, during day and night.

For me, I was pretty sure it was caused by weed. Because the problems all got a LOT worse the day after I quit. I had many symptoms when I was smoking regularly too, but they were mild; 2/10. Right after I quit, they went crazy - 11/10. Then, there were a couple times I thought I was better enough to start smoking again, and I did. Concentrates again, for a few days. After those few days, the headache/anxiety/insomnia all came rushing back like it was day 1 again. So I am certain this is from weed.

I tried a lot of things - eating and sleeping healthy, exercise, drinking lots of water, suppliments; even tried loading my body up with calories and sugar; nothing worked except time. In my experience it doesnt even matter what you think or if you are paranoid about it, your brain is re-acclimating on its own subconsciously.

Thats not to say that obsession is a good thing. It certainly prevents you from doing other things like work or study. Another thing to keep in mind is that anxiety/worry is a symptom of paws (for me at least) - I would worry a lot about something that wouldnt normally worry me. Keep that in mind whenever you feel anxious about something.

It took a long time for me to get in that groove, but I eventually accepted that this (shitty) life is how it is for the time being, so I had to roll with it. It was/is a part of my life for the time being. Time heals though, in this case.

Do you feel any better now than you did on day 1?

[acomoncold]

On day 1? Yes. Day one after that coke induced anxiety attack ranks probably as the worst day of my life with equally miserable days two weeks following. I can’t tell if I feel better or if i’m just better at handling it. Not too sure.

[acomoncold]

& when you say is/was. You still suffer from it? Has it at least lessened over time? Like the frequency & intensity?

[SparkleFly12]

Yes, I still suffer from it but it is much, much less in intensitty now. My only remaaining symptoms are insomnia, swollen lymph nodes, low sex drive. But they are all a LOT better than they were before. All my other symptoms seemed to get better slowly over many months; these last few remaining ones did as well but I only saw significant improvement in them in the last 3-4 months.

Cheers

[acomoncold]

The headaches are manageable. Not the worst thing in the world. I am mostly concerned about the anxiety. Like when am I ever gonna feel normal again? Those thoughts permeate my mind in an evil way. Like I will never find relief. Obviously, a logical part of my brain knows that it cannot be like this forever & that change is inevitable, but the thoughts & worry are so intense.

I hope that someday, I can come back to this forum & be a success story. I hope that the day comes sooner than later. The days are long, but the years are short. I feel as if I will resonate with that a lot. I have been blessed with good sleep, no physical pains except in my head, & no cravings. Like I said, this experience has been so traumatizing for me that I don’t want to ever risk feeling like this again. Which means not smoking of course.

I wake up with instant anxiety & heart beating fast. Just a feeling that something is wrong or not right. Not normal. A sense of doom & hopelessness. I pray that I am not stuck in this loop for the rest of my life. Considering i’m so young, that would really be hard for me to accept. The unknown is the scariest thing for me. I don’t know when this will end & I truly don’t know what’s going on.

Almost like a paradigm shift in my psychology about mental health. I went 20 years thinking that I was invincible & immune from mental health deficits. Now that i’m sure this isn’t true, I am having a hard time. Maybe it’s just the PAWS talking, but maybe it’s not. & that’s what scares me.
Does this relate to anyone at all?

[tokeless]

Obviously, a logical part of my brain knows that it cannot be like this forever & that change is inevitable, but the thoughts & worry are so intense.

Anxiety is very debilitating and acts against logic, but you need to focus and listen to that logical part of your brain. This will pass and what keeps it rolling is to focus on what it says to you.. "There must be something wrong or why do I feel this way"? "When will this stop, why hasn't it gone yet?" This is fuel for anxiety. Live in the now because yesterday has gone and can't be changed. Tomorrow isn't here yet, so focus on now because that you can change. Think positively and tell yourself this is symptomatic of the changes you have made but it will pass. Spend time with people who do positive things, do things you enjoy and accept that things take time.
Best wishes

[acomoncold]

Tokeless I really appreciate your continued response. What is your story? I cannot find it on your posts! Did you ever feel anxious? or an overall feeling of not being right?

[tokeless]

I don't really have a story. I smoked for years, virtually every day. Many days waked and baked and I loved weed and it influenced who I am in many ways. I never imagined not smoking weed but I got to a point where as a dad, I didn't like the feeling it was my priority and getting my kids in bed became the mission so I could get stoned. I didn't like the feeling of needing to make sure I had a supply etc etc... one night/morning something happened and I don't know what but I threw my stash and paraphernalia away and I was done. Not planned or discussed, just stopped. A week or so of night sweats and vivid dreams then nothing of note. I could smoke again but what would I achieve? Nothing new.. I've been as high as you can get, so not missing out. As for anxiety? I don't get it outside of normal situations... I ask myself would it help? No. Does it make me think better? No
.. wasted time and effort. Face life as it comes. Nothing is forever, including the ups and downs... live in the now fella. Just live your life as a non smoker, don't count days... what is the point and when do you stop reminding yourself of what you were?

[acomoncold]

Im back bitches. I haven’t been on any forums in a long time. It’s like the blind leasing the blind. Tokeless really opened me up to that possibility. I basically came back to say thank you to you tokeless.

I truly believe that everything “PAWS” related is literally anxiety. Constant rumination and checking in on our “symptoms” are just anxiety. It’s classic anxiety. I challenge anyone who has paws symptoms to just look up their symptom and follow it with “anxiety”. For example, in google search, “anxiety depersonalization” or “anxiety head pressure”. Literally any single symptom it’s probably anxiety. I now follow this logic and feel a lot better and definitely wanna kill myself anymore.

I have no idea how long i’ve been sober, but I am still sober since weed can’t add anything positive to my life. Also, I am not anxiety free and trying to smoke weed increases my anxiety levels 100 fold. Probably because i’ve correlated weed in my subconscious with a panic attack and so my body thinks it’s something to be avoided or dangerous. Obviously it’s not dangerous, but my subconscious doesn’t know the difference. I encourage everyone who suffers from PAWS to look up a book called “hope and help for your nerves” by Dr. Claire Weekes and a book called “DARE” by Barry Mcdonaugh. Really helped me. Anyways thanks tokeless.

[tokeless]

Thank you acomoncold. I appreciate your comments and I am glad you've made the connection with anxiety. It's an incredibly powerful emotion that can convince you of anything you feel or believe, but it is just a symptom nevertheless. There are so many 'feeders' on this forum who keep each other in that state. They say misery enjoys company, anxiety is no different and when someone says "I've got this or that", others think, so have I, therefore it must be real or true. No wonder the research on PAWS is so sketchy on weed. Doctors get abused for being ignorant and uninformed because they can't cure the users.... they know it's anxiety but that doesn't satisfy the anxiety addicts because they have to be right... I am really pleased for you and now that you own your feelings and thoughts, you have the control. Live you life to the best you can.
Best wishes

[Prycejosh1987]

Its what i call an aftershock of anxiety. Its an after effect when anxiety has gone on too long, and is dominating. You have to address and confront the triggers.